I put in my notice yesterday at the hospital. I've been going back and forth on this for quite some time. I didn't want to leave and take my foot out of the door for a possible position at the hospital, but then the reality of the situation at the hospital has forced me to realize that this is likely to never happen. I am sad to leave the unit, and will miss my co--workers who have been so supportive as I finished my program, but its time for me to move on. My last day is on the 15th.
I also got my CPR certification renewed. I am still sore from practicing on the manikins. I had a great partner, and we got done early. I also was pleased to find out that we got paid for our time in the class. I was about to put down at least $50 for the class, so to get paid to take it was pretty sweet. I always feel nervous about taking the CPR class, like I will be awful at it...but then I rock it. :)
I will have every other Saturday off after my last day at the hospital, and this has allowed Mike and I to have a few rare 2-day weekends together. We both have always worked every Saturday, so now that I have every Saturday off, he could use vacation/personal/summer days to give us some weekends off together. We have to take advantage of this while we can!
I am happy that life is slowing down a bit. It's the little things that I'm looking forward to, like going for walks, carving pumpkins for Halloween, doing more with my baking, Christmas shopping and decorating. I am excited to wear my new sweaters, and to see the snow start to fall. I am so happy to not have to be so pre-occupied on exams, and clinical evaluations, and I can actually enjoy life. Sure, one I get a nursing position, life will be stressful as I navigate my first year as a nurse, but it will be a good stress.
I am still working on my personal goals, like working on my sparkle, trying to get better about being on time. I am also now convinced beyond any shadow of a doubt that there was never any chance of fixing certain situations. I have been struggling with this awful feeling of being labeled as the bad guy. I am not a perfect person, but I had nothing but good intentions. I cared about fixing the relationship, and I still do, but now I know I can't possibly reason with someone who is still this upset about their sides being uneven 6 months later. What a petty reason to not want to resolve things, and let healing happen. Again, I am not a perfect person, but at least I come from a place of wanting to fix things. So, I am letting go. I have struggled with wanting to speak up again, and try to get the talking going again, but then I remember how much that backfired the last 2 times, and I'm just not doing it. Even though I truly fear that it will never happen if I wait for the other parties to speak up for a change, and the effect on our family is heartbreaking, I know that if the other side doesn't want to fix it, any attempts on my part just add fuel to the fire. I am convinced now that I am not the one keeping things from getting better, and will not let myself feel like the bad guy anymore. I will never stop hoping that someday we can fix things, but the longer this goes on, the less likely I feel it will ever happen. And that is so sad to say, for so many reason. Truly sad.
But, in short, I am over it.
Mike and I are excited for our 2 1/2 day weekend! We plan on relaxing and grilling out on Monday. We went out with friends last night to see the Batman movie at the iPic theatre, and oh my goodness, was I impressed!!! Wine bar, full bar, and cheesecake at the concession stand, reclining seats with your own pillow and blanket....It was awesome!! The tickets are expensive, so its not something I would want to do for every movie we see, but I definitely want to go again!! And Mike and I are probably joining a couples bowling league with some friends, so that is exciting! Too bad it isn't Wii bowling, because I would be a rock star! lol
Last Day #1 of 3 at the hospital tomorrow!
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