Sick :(

I feel awful.  It started yesterday with a bunch of sneezing, and an awful headache when I got home last night from work.  And I woke up today congested, and just feeling like poo.  I didn't think I was that bad where I couldn't work, but that is where I turned out to be wrong.  I tried to hang on as long as I could, but I called it quits at about 1:30 and came home and slept.  I still feel icky, but I'm hoping I'll feel better in the morning.  My sweet husband brought me some roses to try to perk my day up a bit.

It was definitely sweet of him, and I love them!

I've been trying to just relax tonight, but of course, I got a bit jealous when I saw yet another classmate who has a job before I do.  I wish it didn't sting so much, and I feel terrible that all I can think of how much I wish it was me.  You can't help but compare yourself to your classmates in this type of over-saturated job market.  It makes me wish I hadn't been so ambitious with trying to be in the ICU for my capstone, because I could have had a better chance at establishing a job offer had I been on a med-surg floor.

A position for the ICU where I had my Capstone has been taunting me for months.  I would love to begin my career in the ICU, but I know my lack of experience is probably not want they need.  When you have people who are on the brink of dying, do you really want some green, new-graduate nurse?  Or an experienced nurse?  Plus, there was an issue during my Capstone that left me feeling like the assistant director didn't like me very much.

So, this has kept me from being able to bring myself to put in my application.  The thought of sitting down for an interview with this woman is terrifying.  The thought of my application spreading laughter throughout the whole ICU department is depressing.  But tonight, I figured what's another rejection letter in my mailbox tomorrow morning?  It isn't like I haven't seen enough of those already, and like it even matters anymore.  And heck, maybe the fact that I was able to hold in my tears of fear around this woman will count for something.  But either way, at least I can say I put my name in the hat, regardless of what they decide to do with it.

I did put in a couple of other applications that surprisingly didn't ask me that infamous question on the last page "Do you have X years of experience as an RN?".  So maybe I won't be auto-rejected.

I'm starting to think that if I don't have a position by the new year, I will start looking at other types of positions at places I don't even want to say the word, but you know what I'm meaning.  I just don't want to accept a position, and then another one come along that is more of what I was looking for, and then feel like an ass for jumping jobs.  But I just can't go forever without getting a job, or else my degree is useless.

Time to get some sleep, and hope to sweet 8lbs 7oz. baby Jesus, in a tuxedo shirt, that I'm feeling better.