2nd Day of Nursing Clinicals

I didn't leave today with the same warm inside feeling that I did last week. I had to do my first head-to-toe assessment on a patient today. We haven't really been given a lot of learning opportunities on this. It is one thing to do one and have your student watch, or teach them about they can approach it so they feel comfortable doing it themselves. So, its my fault, I should have tried to practice this more on my own, but I honestly didn't quite know where to start.

So, my patient today was really nice, and didn't complain as I completely mangled my assessment. I forgot my anti-anxiety pill today, so the anxiety was at full force. I couldn't find the apical pulse so I gave up, I had trouble getting the bp cuff on securely because I have never taken a blood pressure on someone who was in bed....and I didn't like the hospital BP cuff that was attached to the wall....it didn't give me enough reach. I am guessing that is because NO ONE USES THEM. They have these lovely automatic vital sign carts where the machine does all the work for you. And I was completely flustered after feeling like a dumb-dumb with the BP, that the rest of the assessment was probably stressful for me and the patient.

Luckily, the patient was a good sport. I got to go along with him as he had a diagnostic procedure done and got to do a lot of chatting with him. He was a very nice man. I also was able to pass medications for the first time today. I only had to give a few medications, so it wasn't too bad. I am kinda excited, kinda terrified about the possibility of giving an injection on a patient for the first time next Friday, when we are just learning it on Tuesday!! I was definitely be at school practicing that one!!

Side note, I am pretty sure my nurse could have cared less if I was there or not. So I basically opted to stay out of her way as much as possible unless it had to do with the patient that I was assigned to. I guess I don't blame her, they are busy people, but she hardly even tried to teach me anything.

So, I vowed to get my evaluation done before I did anything else when I got home, but I am utterly exhausted, and I think I would cry if I tried to put myself through the self-evaluation process right now especially considering I didn't feel like I was on top of my game today. =(

I no longer make decisions in my own life!

So, before I explain the title here, let me just celebrate! I got an A on my latest Patho exam, which I wasn't expecting. I figured I got a B, but I'm not complaining!! However, my excitement over my grade was very short lived because I checked my e-mail.

We all got this lovely e-mail from the program secretary telling us what classes we are to register for next semester. Now I know what you are thinking, "Duh, someone needs to let you know so you pick the right classes!". We were told what class, what day, what time, and where at. We had no choice whatsoever in how we wanted to arrange our schedules next semester. Oh, actually, sorry, I lied. We have been granted the ability to pick between Mon or Tues for our Physical Assessment class. Half of us are taking Med/Surg or Adult Health Concepts, and the other half are taking Psych concepts for the first 8 weeks of spring semester. Psych is supposed to be easier than Med/Surg, so we all wanted to get Med/Surg out of the way. However, the powers that be decided to take that decision away from us.

I was also super worried because it meant my study group could be split up, or I could be singled out. I need my study group girls!!! So, I was panicking until I realized most of us were on the same schedule. I just wish that I was able to consolidate my days a little bit for the 2nd 8 weeks where I will have to be at clinicals or lecture 4 days a week, plus whatever lab practice time I need to do on my own.

So there are definitely pros and cons, and I think its more pros than cons. I was just pretty upset about not getting to decide on my own. Maybe some of us want to try out each hospital so we have experience with all of them? First come, First served. That's how the classes and clinical assignments should be decided.

Oh well, I should just be happy that I have survived so far, and that I only have 6 weeks until this semester is over with. I could have been one of the 15 unfortunate people who didn't survive the first 8 weeks.

Self-Evaluation Sucks!

So, I felt like I had a great first day at clinicals. I did everything that I was told to do, got to help with some things that I have never had any experience with before. So I was feeling pretty good until I sit down today to do my clinical evaluation.

Let me explain a little bit. We have this form that our instructors require us to fill out after each clinical day. Then we e-mail it to our clinical instructor, they review it, and put their feedback. This helps us to recognize the things we are doing well and the things we need improvement on. These evaluations are also how we are graded.

The problem I had doing this first evaluation is that our first clinical day this week wasn't really a typical clinical day. We are still pretty fresh, we weren't able to do a lot of things yet. So we did a lot of observation. I felt pretty dumb writing "I observed....blah blah blah" all over the place. This is also not a chance to write a step by step summary of your day. So I didn't want to put down things that I considered to be CNA skills.

I have a pounding head ache now because I wish I had the ability to do this self-evaluation better. I also didn't like that there were things on this form that didn't seem to apply yet, but I didn't want to leave anything blank! This has completely thrown off my entire day. I wanted to get so much studying down, and I wasted way too much time stressing out over this evaluation.

I e-mailed it to my teacher, I am not satisfied with it, but I can't spend anymore time on it. I wrote her a little note to tell her I struggled with it. If for no other reason, than to make it known I know I sucked at it.

Ugh, so this is not giving me a good feeling about my Patho test tomorrow, because I feel horribly unprepared for it. This is it, I am not doing any other social outings if I feel its gonna screw me over on studying time. And I am not letting myself take a nap after clinicals again. I have to do things according to my plan from now on.

So, I'm gonna get off of here and get my butt to some studying!!

1st day of Clinicals!!

Oh my goodness, getting up at 4:30 was not easy!! That waterless shampoo was definitely the star of my morning routine today! I was feeling really anxious this morning when I woke up, and couldn't finish my coffee or my pop-tart. Which I ended up regretting when I got to clinicals. However, I ended up being thankful because I had to help with an enema that was especially foul smelling, and that was the first time I think I have actually gagged when dealing with poop of any sort. Luckily I was wearing a face mask, so the PCT I was helping didn't see me almost throw up, lol.

I got to clinicals WAY early, but it just helped my nerves, because I wasn't flustered. Oh and also taking my anti-anxiety medication I think helped me tremendously today!! I basically did a lot of observing, but if they needed me to help with an enema, I'm on it! Oh, you need help transporting a patient to pain clinic, Sure! Oh, Ms. Sweet Patient needs somehow to take her downstairs so she can go home, Absolutely!! If someone needed something that I could/was allowed to do, I was alllllll over it!

I liked observing, but I would have liked to get to do more, but that's what I have every other clinical day for! So, there is always going to be a little bit of anxiety when it comes to clinicals, but I really really enjoyed my first day.

I was going to go to school and get some stuff done, but I have to say I am pretty effing exhausted, so I need to nap or else I WILL pass out on the way to campus. If I don't get to school today, that's ok....I just have to adjust my plans a little bit, that's all!

Today I think definitely helped me be able to tell that this is something I want to be doing, because I felt pretty awesome when I left today!! =)

Feeling a Little Better!

Last night I was just a ball of stress. I am still anxious about my clinicals on Friday, but there is nothing I can do about that other than practice on Mike!

What I did do is take my laptop to school with me today and worked on assignments during lecture time in Micro. It is really hard to give my teacher my undivided attention in that class, so instead of playing Angry Birds or some other game on my iPod....I might as well do something productive!! So I worked on an assignment that is due for Micro on Monday, and pretty much finished it in class. Then I migrated over to Panera (where I am still at!) to keep myself from getting distracted, and I even managed to do an extra credit assignment for Micro that I wasn't planning on doing!!

So right now I am taking a mini-break. I am in the middle of organizing information I need to study for our next Patho exam on Monday. There is a lot of terminology we need to know for this test, so I have gotten the definitions for most of them. I am not entirely satisfied with them, but I will modify them as I do the reading. I am also going to go through and highlight the diseases that I need to know. I think this will help when I do my reading tomorrow.

I was really grouchy to my husband yesterday due to my stress. I could see it was uncalled for, but it was just escaping me without me being able to stop it. I don't like feeling like that, so that's part of the reason I wanted to get out of the house tonight to do my studying so I wouldn't have a repeat of last night. Me trying to study at home is really a horrible idea, I get too comfortable and there is just too much temptation to not do my studying. But when I am out of the house it is so much easier to stay on task. I still get distracted, but not nearly as much as being at home. So tomorrow I am getting up early with my hubby and heading straight out of the house and parking my but here at Panera. It really is my study haven. I don't feel like I am at school, its a laid back and relaxing atmosphere, and the music is pretty mellow. And I'm sure I have said it before, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE their chicken caesar salad.

Ok, so I am getting back to my studying now!!

Me No Like!

Ugh, stress! It is amazing how this week seems to be catching me completely by surprise somehow. I have known all along that this week would be when clinicals start, but I am sort of freaking out. It's been way too long since my CNA class, and even that I feel was a joke. Working as a CNA or Care Tech would be the best way to truly become competent at the CNA skills, but it just didn't make sense financially to take such a deep pay cut at the time. So yeah, I have never taken a blood pressure on an actual patient. I've practiced on coworkers and classmates, and my poor poor hubby, but it's not the same as doing it every day like its your job. I've never had to give a bed bath by myself, or make an occupied bed by myself. These are things I am nervous about actually doing, on top of learning new skills as a student nurse in clinicals.

Showers....I'm ok with that, peri care....I'm good with that. I guess I need to remember that I feel pretty comfortable doing most of the basics. But when you add in anxiety about passing medications for the first time to an actual LIVE patient and doing a COMPLETE head-to-toe assessment, it is nerve wracking. I know I can't stress over this anymore than this week, because new skills will be added on all the time. I have to be able to keep up and move along to the next thing, or else I won't make it. I know this can't be the world's most impossible thing, but I'm just so concerned with being as good at this as I can.

We had our hospital orientation today, and we were introduced to the unit that we will be on for the next 8 weeks. All the stuff on the walls was a bit overwhelming...my gut instinct wanted to organize, lol. I just have in my mind the nice, clean, organized halls of Grey's Anatomy...can I have my clinicals there?! Just kidding. =)

I've let my anxiety just completely kill any productivity I could have had this evening. Which adds to my stress because there is so much studying to be done, and I now will have less time to get that studying done now. Plus, I have a family function on Saturday....so it's just like a double attack on my studying time.

Having a social life is not easy when you are a nursing student. Yeah, there will be a week or weekend here or there where your load isn't too heavy. This is when you really have to take advantage and get in quality time. However, its really hard to say no to things when people ask you to go out. Nursing school involves a lot of sacrifice, but its your decision to do this, not your family or friends' decision. So its hard to say no, because you feel like you are forcing them to accept your decision and sacrifice, too. Or you could just come off as being really anti-social. It's easier to hang out with classmates because we are all on a pretty similar schedule, and we understand when studying trumps fun time, but also when studying can wait.

Gah, its just so much pressure to try to get as much as you can to make up for the time you are missing, but sometimes after a long day of school....your brain is friend and you just can't stand to look at another WORD that has to do with nursing. It never ends. So, my stress right now involves clinicals, studying, and loss of time due to my schedule change and social time with family. And I don't want to make anyone feel guilty about taking me away from studying...especially when I managed to do so much of that on my own. So we just deal with it.

Hopefully, my husband is aware by now, but he will be my own personal guinea pig. Blood pressure, head-to-toe assessments...heck, maybe I'll even give him a bed bath (he's been begging me to do this for the past year!!). I am lucky that I have him to practice on, going to school to practice sometimes can be intimidating.

Well, I must go to sleep so that I can wake up and be productive tomorrow before class. I keep wanting to go to the Student Nurses Association meetings, but Patho review sessions always fall at the same time!! Maybe next semester. *shrug* Oh, and something that I think will be my best friend....waterless shampoo!! Today was my first time trying, and I have to say, I am pretty impressed! It cut a good 20 minutes out of my normal morning routing when I don't wash my hair, and a good 30-40 minutes from when I do wash my hair. I have to say, my hair felt really soft and clean today! And I'm only starting to get a little itchy after 18 hours. So it will definitely be a life saver for when I have to wake up super early for clinicals!!

Ok, so I am really going to bed now!!

What a Lovely Week!

I made it through this school week alive. My body has not made it easy, however, let me assure you. I ate something bad on Sunday morning, and so I was sick to my stomach most of the day. Then that night, I had an awful case of heartburn/burning in the back of my throat. I woke up Monday morning feeling congested in my throat/chest, but I didn't feel sick, just annoyed. It was like I had something in my throat that I couldn't get out. I got home Monday afternoon and just started to feel awful. I went to bed pretty early after taking a hot shower and trying to hack out whatever was causing me discomfort. I woke up Tuesday with a wheezing sound and hardly any voice. Again, a super hot shower helped a lot, and I actually went to school for a study session for our nursing final.

Speaking of which, it wasn't too productive. I think we were all just over the class already, and are already in the mindset of what is to come next week when our next nursing classes begin, along with clincicals. Atleast that is how I felt. So, I was feeling better and decided to destress with the girls and go see a movie. We saw Life as We Know It. It was pretty cute. I should have gone home and rested, because being out and about for so long really zapped all of the energy I had, and I started feeling awful again. Of course, we had our Nur 110 final this morning, bright and early at 7:00 a.m.!! So I was having a mini-panic that I needed to study more, and I was going to try to pull an all-nighter, but I just didn't have it in me.

Our final was hard, but I didn't find it impossible. I don't feel like I aced it, but I don't think I flunked it either, and that's all that really matters at this time. I did manage to get a 96% on my Patho test, so that had made my day! Of course, going to school looking like death/ass and feeling even worse has sucked. I wasn't going to go to Micro lab today, but then my buddy reminded me about the quiz, so I ran off to class as quick as I could. It definitely is a life saver only being 5 minutes away from campus.

On the plus side, I am actually feeling hungry right now. I haven't eaten an actual meal since lunchtime on Monday. Eating some mozzarella sticks yesterday was something I paid for dearly. So other than coffee, or the random granola bar here or there, I haven't eaten anything. But I am definitely craving some fajitas right now, so once my honey is done mowing the lawn, IT'S ON!

I just hope that its a good sign that my body is finally kicking into gear to fight this crud and that I'll start feeling better very very soon! I need to be able to study for my micro test on Monday, and also enjoy my Pedicure that I am supposed to be getting tomorrow!!

Halfway done with this semester!!

It's hard to believe that my first nursing class will actually be over in a few days. This semester has felt very strange. It feels like it just started, but then feels like its been forever already at the same time. Don't quite get it, but it makes me realize how quickly these two years will be over. Two years seems like such a long time, but really, it goes by so quickly. So, that's probably the only thing that is on our side, is that we will be so busy that we'll be graduating before we know it!

I have put in a lot of time getting my reading done the past 2 weeks, so I felt like I needed a break. My hubby has been such a good sport about us not going out as much anymore, and I just really wanted to have a day where it was just me and him. So we went out for breakfast, did some shopping, did some more shopping, and went to see The Social Network. Which I actually really liked, but it has left me feeling almost obsessed with trying to figure out the true story of how Facebook started, and what the heck is up with this Mark Zuckerberg guy. Anyway, it was a great day.....it felt really nice to just relax and not think about school at all.

Today, I meant to be all business, but sleeping in, and grocery shopping, and lunch, and then serious conversations got in the way. I have printed a lot of information I need to review on cardiac arrhythmia and such. I just don't feel so worried. Maybe I will regret this, but I don't. My study group girls always help bring things together in my mind, and it just seems like it works out ok for me. I will buckle down and focus after my hubby gets home with some yummy Lou Malnati's (drool), but I have put in a lot of time already preparing for this test, all I need to do now is focus on the key things and make sure I have them down. Not so bad.

Clinicals are starting in about 2 weeks. We had orientation at our hospitals on the 19th, and then our first actual clinical day that Friday. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. I also feel slightly overwhelmed at all of the things we will have to do, but I will process it as I receive more information.....AKA...not gonna think about it right now!! =)

And the crying begins...

I have dealt with far more stress than any one person needs so far in school, however personal/life stress does not go away just because you are a nursing student. I have been particularly sensitive lately to really stupid things. However, a major source of pain for me is my family situation. This isn't really nursing related, but I am putting this here because it has kept me from studying for the remainder of the evening, and has kept me up far past my acceptable bed time.

I am what I consider to be estranged from my mom and older sister. It is a long story, and I won't go into them here as to why this occurred. I just need to say that it is hurtful to feel that your family can't validate your feeling when you are upset, and don't take the time to try to resolve the problem. Instead, you are left feeling like you are the bad guy, and how dare you try to expect hurtful behavior to stop.

I am a few months shy of a year of not talking to my mom, and it hurts the most when I think about my younger siblings. I was able to talk to my younger brother today, and I missed talking to him so much but didn't have his cell phone number. I worry that they will think that I don't care about them, and that I don't want to see them.......but I can't think of many ways to visit until things with my mom are resolved, and I mean truly resolved. Not just swept under the rug for the sake of the holidays.

I also stress because if they are having financial problems, I feel guilty because I can not help them. I hate seeing them struggle all the time, and I can't stop myself from feeling anxious about it. Even when I was little, I dreamed of making enough money to buy my mom a house. I realize now that is unrealistic, but that urge to help my family is still there. So it hurts even worse when I am accused of being selfish.

So here I am, up past 1:00 because I am so upset, and I have so many thoughts running through my head. There is no way I will survive tomorrow!!

I'm just gonna move into Panera

Panera and Starbucks have become my go-to places for studying. I have found that when I am trying to study at home, I get this weird-totally-exhausted-can't-keep-my-eyes-open thing going on, but the second I jump into the car its gone. I kid you not. I know sitting at Panera and drinking way too much soda is not good for me, but whatever is allowing me to get in as much studying as I need to, it shall be done!

I just can't afford to slack, and for some reason when I am at home, my body knows it and tries to sabotage me. Right now, I am in the midst of preparing for the week of hell. Our Nursing concepts final, our cardiac test in Patho, and a big test in Micro....all in the same week. We have 9 chapters to read just for the concepts final, plus study all the material from day 1 of class. So I have a lot to get done, and not what I would consider a whole lot of time to prepare.

So far, I have the Patho chapters, and I'm still like "huh?". So, I got a Patho Made Easy book, and I'm still like "huh?", so this is going to be one nasty lil test. So I am glad I started with it first.

I also finally got my financial aid situation resolved. They haven't been disbursing my aid to me for some reason, and I found out finally that its because they had me marked as being in an ineligible program. Hmmmm.....I guess nursing isn't something the government wants to spend its money on?!??! Doesn't make sense, but whatever, it got fixed. So I don't have to worry about them trying to take an obscene amount of money out of our checking account next week! *phew!*

But anyway, today, I got my teeth cleaned, and apparently the stress of school is causing me to grind, so I am having a night guard made. Now Mikey and I can have super fun conversations and make fun of each other for how stupid we sound when we try to talk. Before now, its basically been me doing that to him, so I will deserve the payback.

Tonight, we are going out with Mike's brother and his girlfriend. I am looking forward to the drink and catching up!