Exhaustion

Let's just save everyone a lot of trouble right now.......if you are thinking about asking me how I am, just stop. You can simply assume that I am exhausted, and you will be correct! I wish there was some way to not feel this way everyday, and that is legal. The amount of information I am squeezing into my brain, and being tested on every week, is to blame. Physically, I am in school just a little more than past semesters, I am working WAY less....but the amount of studying I have to do is through the roof it seems.

I do feel good because I haven't started out failing, which I was pretty scared that I would. I just wish that the amount of studying I have to do would help with the anxiety of test day. I always feel anxious on test day. For this past Patho test we had, I stayed up til 1 in the morning studying and got 5 hours of sleep. This resulted in me wanting to cry the whole day. Even though I didn't feel like the test was that bad, I just felt like I was about to cry at any given moment. It didn't help when people started debating test questions, and being kind of rude about it.

Luckily, my nursing buddies and I went for drinks after our day was done, and it was exactly what I needed. I was able to relax the rest of the day, watched some TV, and went to bed early. Of course, I had to get up bright and early this morning, so the exhaustion just comes right back! Ugh! This is the life of a nursing student!

I am just waiting for it to get interesting. I want to learn the things I will be doing. It could even spark my energy to come back! Ha, right!

So, I am taking a one hour nap, I think those seem to be working out best for me....and then on to read the horrific number of chapters I must read!!

B is the new A!!

Our scores are up for our Nur 110 test from Tuesday, and this girl managed to get an 88%! Very happy with that score! I have decided that B is my new A! Not that I don't really really really like having As, but I just know that I'm going to beat myself up too much if I strive to make an A on everything. If I get a B, I consider that pretty darn good, and if I get an A, well then its just like extra frosting on my cake with a big scoop of ice cream on top!! Also, it takes a lot of the pressure off of the final because I don't need to worry about getting a perfect score on it to be able to pass the class, which is always lovely!

Today, I just went and sat at Panera all day and read our chapter on cancer for Pathophysiology. I would like to finish up one more chapter tonight before Grey's Anatomy comes on, but that might be pushing it. I have to know what happens after last season's CRAZY finale. Ugh, I had just gotten my acceptance letter not too long before that episode came on with the crazy gunman shooting up the whole hospital. It's already bad enough I'm going to be terrified walking into the hospital for clinicals, please don't put ideas in my head that I might get shot while I am there!

On a side note, it is kind of weird to think about the fact that it hasn't really been that long since that episode was on. At that time, I had no idea what exactly would happen with school, what things I would need to do, or buy. And it seemed like FOREVER until school would actually start! I could only imagine what things were going to be like. So now that I am well into my first semester of nursing school, I have to say it isn't quite what I thought it would be just yet.

I mean, I knew it would be hard and require an insane amount of studying, but I guess I just thought we would be learning more skills right away, and that hasn't really happened. We have been going over oral medication administration with our 4th semester mentors, but that seems pretty simple to me. I know the skills with be flooding in soon enough, but the theory stuff is just so boring to me!

Also, I got a letter today saying I am eligible to join Phi Theta Kappa, which is an honors society. That was like an extra little perk to my day. It's taken me a year to get my GPA up from under 2.0 to over 3.5, and I am darn proud of it. I have gotten As in all the classes I have taken since Summer 2009, and retook some classes that I did poorly in due to a huge lack of time. I tried to get grade forgiveness for one class that is no longer offered, but it was denied for some reason.....whatever!

In other news, Mike got his promotion at work FINALLY! And this one comes with a raise! He deserved this! He has done so well since he started with this company 3 years ago. It's been a good week here!

Week 5

So far, I have managed to survive the first 5 weeks of nursing school. I am not doing too bad, of course my perception on that could easily change Thurs/Friday once I get my latest test scores from Nursing 110. Our test yesterday was longer than the 1st one, and I know I probably got a handful or so wrong, but I don't feel that I did so poorly that I failed it. Of course, my perception on that could change as well, =).

I have been trying to get to all of the reading, but the thing that I think really helps me is making flashcards and my study buddies. I am really fortunate to have met these girls, and that all of us became a team. It really has made all the difference. Plus they are some funny bee-otches, so it is definitely useful when your brain is mush from 4 hour lectures!

Anyway, so I passed my Micro test! I got a B! I would have been a C, but she gave everyone 2 points for one question that was confusing. So that made me happy that I did ok on it. I will definitely try to give a little more effort next time, just because I hate that feeling that I have failed a test.....and deserving it for the lack of studying. And I passed my Dosage Calculation test. You can't get any of the questions wrong, and some of my friends missed just one point because of a stupid mistake, so I tried to be extra extra extra careful, and it paid off!

We also had to have our drug tests yesterday. It is NOT FUN to have to pee from 10:00 in the morning to 2:00. But I knew that I had to do that or I wouldn't have had much pee to give. They only had one girl doing the drug tests, so it took forever. Luckily, I was semi-close to the front, so I was done early for the day. But I'm sure people were there way later than normal. At least the people who were honest and didn't cut in front of the line like a jerk like some people. People truly amaze me.

Which brings me to my next topic. It's kind of a slap in the face when you see people who obviously don't grasp the seriousness of nursing school. I worked my butt off to get As and to improve my GPA to get into the program. I realize how hard it is to get in, so now that I am here, I am truly grateful for the opportunity and I am doing everything I can to make sure I finish. So when I see people who are 30 minutes late for lecture, leave a 3 hour lecture 2 hours early, are LATE for an EXAM, are seriously concerned if there are going to be anymore drug tests and then makes the comment that there is always cranberry juice, or is stupid and orders scrubs from some cheap place not caring that our patch has to be on it, and only ONE PLACE has the ability to put the official patch on it, and that's why we were told to order our scrubs from there, and that it was mandatory.......I get kind of ticked off.

This is a professional program, and let's act like we are serious about it. I don't want you being my nurse if this is how you are approaching it already. We are all human, I'd rather sleep in til 9:30 and play angry birds all morning instead of go to lecture all day. But I don't because this is important to me. I have worked too hard the past year or so to get to this point, and I'm not gonna mess it up. So, it really bothers me when I see people like this, because they don't seem to be taking this as seriously as they should, thus the lack of being on time or simply paying attention. How do these people manage to get into the program with this kind of work ethic?! That's what kind of ticks me off more, because these people are evidence that nursing school ISN'T hard to get into, and that I could have saved myself a lot of trouble had I just been a slacker.

I know that last statement isn't really true, but I am confused on how people like that get in. They must have had decent grades or a good NLN, so why are they slacking now? Anatomy and Physiology was just practice, this is the game we have to win. I know I should just worry about myself, because I know those who are not putting in the work now will not survive for one reason or another.

So, today I normally sleep in with Mikey and slack around until Micro, but he had to work today, so I got up early with him, and I just need to finish getting ready and then I am off to school to study. I can't stay at home because I won't get anything done, plus I have to be at school later anyway. So that's my day! Our next Patho test is Monday, so I'm getting myself into hardcore study mode!

Retail Therapy Time!

Ok, I just completed my 4th week of nursing school. I haven't bought anything for myself that wasn't coffee or school related.....and it was driving me a little bonkers. I know, I know, I know, shopping when you are stressed is a dangerous thing, but sometimes a girl just has to give in! I have been studying a lot, and so far I have done well on my tests....and I seriously contemplated it before I went, it wasn't a spur of the moment decision. I felt pretty torn about taking the time to go to the mall away from study time.

So anyway, it didn't help at all that I happened to get a coupon for my favorite store in the world, Coach. Shopping at Coach with a coupon is WAY better than shopping at Coach without one. And I consider that being as thrifty as I can be without constantly stalking the outlet that is 45 minutes away in good traffic.

So, this shopping is nursing related because I'm adding it to the list of inappropriate coping mechanisms r/t nursing school. This will be my last shopping trip for a while because school is about to get downright nuts in a few weeks with clinicals starting, and I will be way too busy to even think about nice new shiny things that get brought out to you in a gift box with a pretty ribbon tied around it.

Oh, and I picked up from eye cream from Clinique to help ward off the tired eye look that I am starting to fear will become permanent. I'm 26 and need to start thinking about the future well-being off my skin. So, this is nursing school related as well, because I think nursing school is going to age me far more than 2 years for some reason!

Alright, its time to go to sleep so I can wake up bright and early and get cracking on more studying!!

100%!

I got a perfect score on my Patho test! Oh Happy Days!! I am glad that my gut was right about this test!

But the Micro test today?! It sucked. I should have studied more for it. That's what I get for not caring. I felt like I was guessing on a lot of them, so I don't really feel too confident about it. I will be happy just to pass it, but I won't be too terribly surprised if I fail it. It's just one test, so I'm not too worried about it. I just wish I hadn't neglected it. I can only try to do better for the next one.

Micro lab sucked today. It's usually about an hour and 40 minutes. We had to do acid-fast staining and endospore staining. It's pretty simple, it is just time consuming because you have to allow 30 minutes for the the first stain to set. We have to get signed off by our instructor so that we get credit for that procedure. And my acid-fast positive specimen was washed off of my slide. I'm not gonna get into what I think happened, but I was pretty ticked off. Anyway, I had to stay for the next lab session so I could redo it, and I ended up being at school for an extra 2 hours. Such a waste of time.

So my school week is over, and my focus is going to be on preparing for my next NUR 110 test and getting caught up on my reading. We also have our dosage calculation test on Tuesday, and you have to get 100% on it, or else you have to retake it. And I really don't want to have to retake it. I want to just move on to the next thing.

So, I might be getting some coffee and buckling down and getting some reading done. Fun!

A Test Every Week and Then Some!

This constant preparation for a test is killing me. There is no time to relax before you get down to business for the next test. Which is almost good, because it has been leaving me less anxious this week for my test results on my Patho test. Which, by the way, I feel I did pretty good on. I'm not gonna say I aced it, but I am not stressing about it. And of course, it could always go the other day, and it will turn out I failed it. But usually if I'm not freaking out even just a little bit, I probably did ok.....that's just my normal track record. So we'll see.

But I am exhausted, and I totally don't care at all about my Micro test tomorrow. I've gone over most of the chapters that the test is on. Once I eat something, I will start going over the notes from class. But other than that, I don't care. I really wish I would have taken this class over the summer or something, because I really dislike having it take up my time that I need to study for my other classes. I do like the labs, though, they are fun playing with bacteria, and seeing how things grow from "nothing".

My study-buddies have decided to up our study-group ante and meet twice a week now. Which is good because it will cut down on me being unproductive, but it also leaves me with less time to do my reading this week that I had a plan to get caught up on. So, its still something school-related and educational and counts as studying, so it can be too bad.

In other news, my hubby has class and is going out afterwards with his buddy he used to work with a long time ago. It makes me feel better that he is going out with friends more, since he and I can't go out too much anymore together. He is really understanding, but I know he misses it, and I really really miss it. I want nothing more than to relax on the weekend and spend every free minute with him. That's just possible right now unfortunately. But we are hoping for a nice night out tomorrow in early October. I think I will definitely due for a mental break by that point!!

Why Can't I Be an Early Bird?!?!

It's pretty early in the morning, especially for a Saturday. I would much rather be in my nice, warm, comfy bed snuggling up with my hubby. But I can't, because I have to work today. I really wish waking up this early was easier, so I could jump start my day with productivity. It's just too hard!

I did manage to be pretty productive yesterday. I am a little behind on my reading, but I created a game plan for the next week to get it down, and get caught up. I also got through our worksheet for drug dosage calculations. The hardest part was remembering grams to milligrams, or teaspoons to tablespoons, etc. I will keep practicing, but I feel better about it already. I also have the majority of my nursing philosophy paper written. I need to finish up the end, and then go through and make sure its completely in APA format, and add my cover sheet. Then that baby will be done!

It was a lot easier to write once I took a piece of paper, and decided to come up with 3 statements each about health, person, environment, and nursing. Once I really thought about them, and came up with 12 good statements, it was much easier to write the paper. I could actually write more than 2 pages, but I don't want to look like an overachiever or anything, lol. I can finish up the rough edges Monday night if I had to. I need to be 100% pathophysiology right now. I am giving myself a little time on Sunday to study for Micro, because I have a test on Wednesday, however its not a priority. I think Micro is gonna be a pretty easy class, and this first test is all pretty basic stuff in my opinion.

Anyway, so other than that, I am completely dedicated to Patho. I didn't get to make as many flashcards as I wanted to, but that's ok. I will get through it, and I also have another study session on Sunday. Our session last week helped so much for our first nursing test. I am glad I have a support system in place! =)

Annual Violation Time!!

Ok, this is going here because I need my physical done in order to be cleared for clinicals. Today was the day, and on top of the physical, I had to have my pap smear done. I always refer to it as my yearly violation, because when I am forced to spread my legs for someone that isn't my husband, that is a violation. I know its necessary, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I usually reward myself with ice cream, but its pretty early, so I settled for an Einstein Bros. bagel instead.

My appointment didn't start out well, because I got called back only to be told my doctor wasn't going to be there until 9:30. I am pretty sure the office staff were trying to cover their butts that someone told Dr. Bartels that she didn't have to be there until 9:30 today, instead of 8:30. I refused to reschedule, and I insisted that someone was going to see me. I was just there last Fri, and they gave me a sheet with the correct appointment time written on it, and the desk girl confirmed my appointment. I was livid that they did this to me. I have had a number of extremely frustrating phone calls with them, the staff at this office (a select few anyway) are completely incompetent and need to find another line of work.

Instead of trying to cover your butt, just admit, someone put the wrong time down for Dr. Bartels, and do whatever was humanly possible to accomodate me ASAP. Instead, I'm standing there about to cry because I am so frustrated. Luckily, it worked out where Dr. Bartels got there early, and everything was fine. And surprise, my blood pressure was normal even though I was fuming mad.

Plus, I love Dr. Bartels, she really helped me relax and feel at ease as we started talking. Luckily, I am pretty healthy, other than my weight, and my cholesterol is just a little high, but alot of it is good cholesterol, so nothing to worry about it. I got my MMR booster, and my sheet signed for my clinicals. Of course we joked about how quitting my job cured my blood pressure problem.

And all that for just a $5 copay, not bad. So, as long as my pap is normal I'm good. She also said she would give me a referral to a nutrionist if I wanted to, and she understood right now is a pretty overwhelming time, so I could wait til I was ready.

So, I just got done eating, and I am going to start studying. I have a lot of reading I want to get done today, so I have to be all business! I did make a ton of flashcards for our next fundamentals test and patho. So I did get productive in some way!

My Philosophy of Nursing

So, this is a paper that is due on Tuesday for our fundamentals course. It's not meant to be a "why I want to be a nurse" type of paper. It is supposed to state your beliefs about nursing. Like..."I believe an important role in nursing is advocacy for your clients.", or "I believe a client's internal environment can play a role in illness as much as their external environment.". And typing that out is helpful, because I have 2 out of 10 personal statements knocked out of the way. I have to make sure to touch on the 4 parts of the Nursing Paradigm: Person, Health, Environment, and Nursing. And then make 2 pages out of it.

First off, I have just started nursing school. The only thing I know enough about to write a 2 page paper on without any references is why I wanted to go into nursing school. I don't know enough to have my own philosophy. I know this is an exercise that will really be meant for comparison when we are in our 4th semester, to show how our beliefs about nursing will have changed by that point. But it is still ridiculous to me.

Anyway, my insisting to get this done today, has led me to getting nothing done at all. I think I have been so stressed out over my test that I have been frozen. So part of me feels like I need to relax, and allow myself this free time I've had to just be completely and utterly lazy. But the other part is yelling that I could have gotten so much done!!

I am just still so happy I got a B on my test. I don't think I have been so happy for a B in my life!!

I got a B!!

I don't know how this is possible, but I got a B! Most of my buddies got B's, but one got a 100%!! I'm so happy we all did so well. Especially because we were all praying desperately to get a C! I have been so bummed the past couple of days. I really felt completely sure I did awful. So this is definitely a much needed booster!!

On top of feeling bummed, my sleep schedule has been completely off. So I have had zero motivation, plus I know when I am exhausted, I am useless. I could read a whole chapter ,and not remember any of it. So I went to bed really early last night. I have been pretty useless today, too. But I do feel more inspired to get moving now that I know I'm not already failing nursing school!

Oh, and I am volunteering for the Heart Walk at school in a few weeks. I am looking forward to it, and getting back to my volunteering roots. When I was @ EIU, I was part of a service sorority, and it always felt good to volunteer...except for the picking up trash all over campus in flip flops when I had just put lotion on my feet.....worst idea ever! I was also part of a couple of volunteer clubs in high school. So, I'm happy I will get plenty of opportunities like this. Plus it doesn't hurt that I will atleast have one thing in my nursing portfolio before the end of this 8 weeks! =)

Ok, gotta get moving here!! First Patho test is on Monday, and then first Micro test is on Wednesday!! And we have a paper due on Tuesday! Good Lord!!

F%*^!

That test was complete crap. I feel I am a pretty smart girl, and I studied my butt off, and I feel like there is a good possibility I may not be getting a C on this test. I know I typically fret, and worry like I did horrible on tests, only to come out looking like a jerk because I got an A. But this test was on a different level, the wording was completely designed to not be obvious. And its confusing, we need to apply and think critically when looking at these questions, but then we aren't supposed to over-think them either. And it bothered me when there were several questions that my friends answered one way, and I answered completely different. I know I need to stop fretting over it because, ya never know, I could have done fine. And there is nothing I can do to change it, this test is done and over with.



We are going over the test during our next lecture, and hopefully that will give me insight on what I was doing wrong during studying. She also told us that if we would like, she can send our tests over to the testing center to be analyzed, and they could help us with strategies for test taking. If you fail the test, you are required to have a one on one with the teacher.....lovely. I know this should be a good thing, and that she will be able to help you get a better grasp on things. I just know I will feel horribly shamed if I end up having to do that.

So a couple of my nursing buddies and I went out for lunch and drinks to help destress. It definitely helped, but no amount of booze is going to make me not worry. The test scores will be posted by Friday, so that's only 3 days of anxiety. Plus the 6 days of anxiety for our patho test on Monday. So, right now, I am taking a nap, because I am exhausted, and I know I will be completely useless if I try to do any reading/studying right now. My mind just needs a break, and then I will go full force into my studying.

Again.................F*%*!!!!!!

Holy Crap!

Ok, so it's 5:45 in the morning, in other words, it too friggin' early. But today is test day for fundamentals. I have been studying as much as humanly possible, without making my brain quit to find another human who doesn't abuse it so much. I also had a study session with my nursing buddies last night, and it was really helpful. And I didn't feel like the weakest link, so that helped calm my nerves a bit.

I am still not looking forward to this test because it's not the same type of format where I usually thrive. I am trying to remember that most people don't get an A or B on this test, but its still hard to not really hope I get an A. I'm also not really sure how better I could possibly have prepared for this test without taking some form of illegal drug, so I'm a little bitter that doing really well seems so far out of reach the way the teachers describe it.

Anyway, I probably won't know how I did on the test for a few days, and that is going to drive me insane. Please go back where I said I will compulsively check a website until it gives me the information I need. So, me and blackboard will be in close contact....ooh, like every 3 minutes for the next few days. It's an illness, I know, but there's nothing I can do about it.

Well, off I go to finish getting ready for class, so I can get this thing over with already!

Happy Saturday!!

So, I'm about to go out and have a fun date night with my hubby. I totally need it, too. All day Thurs, Fri, and today, I have been studying/reading/making flashcards. I found a really awesome flashcard app for my iPod touch.....I was able to make nearly 200 flashcards on http://www.quizlet.com/ and export them to my iPod. It took me a while to type them all out, but it was time well spent. Now, I can stop worrying about the time I will losing to study tomorrow during a barbecue my in-laws are throwing, because I can go through my flashcards during it and not have a barricade of books around me. I decided to be nice and share them my study buddies, I just spent too much time on them to not let others benefit from it.



Speaking of which, we are having a study session on Monday, and I feel a little better about it because I did so much review just from making the flashcards. I have this fear of looking like the weakest link. I don't need to be the smartest, or get the highest grades, I just don't want to look like I didn't even try when everyone else has the subject matter down.

I guess all that matters is that my anxiety has gone down a bit about the test. I'm still anxious about it, but I don't feel panicked. I'm trying to remember that I can't let this one test make me ignore everything else, because we have our first test in Patho next Monday. I realize that it's really important to stay on top of things, and not put off anything else I absolutely have to. I could have waited to get caught up on my reading for fundamentals, but it would have been even more hellish for me to do that reading this next week on top of the reading I need to do for the week after, on top of studying for my patho test.....and on and on and on. I need to really maximize my time for reading during the week (i.e. mon-wed when I tend to slack) so I have thurs-sun to study for the next week's test.

OK, so now that I've stated the obvious...let's get back to date night. We are going to go see Going the Distance. It tickles me pink because Mike and I had a long distance relationship, so I can totally relate! And plus, my brain is a bowl of oatmeal right now, so I need to give it some dumb-down-time so it can congeal back into its normal form.

So Much To Do!

Ok, so today is Day 1 of 6. 6 Days to study before first, big, scary fundamentals test. I have to do a little Patho reading, so it feels more like 5. Plus when you add in the reading I have to do for lecture in fundamentals next week, then it feels like 4. And you add in date night with hubby, and Labor day barbecue with the family, well now it feels like 2.5. It all starts to take away from my actual study time very very quickly! So I have made the executive decision that working out will be put on hold for the next couple of days because I need every hour I can get. So I have to hustle this nearly week-long weekend of mine.

I have also decided that I think I like Micro. The past couple of lab days, we have learned how to make heat-set smears, and do gram staining, and I really like doing it. I don't know why, but you give me any kind of process that is like an assembly line set up, I'm all about it. Stuffing envelopes? LOVE IT! Making gift bags? Love it! I have always been a little weird with things like this. Anyway, lecture is pretty boring to me, but lab time is awesome to me.

Off to study!!