$300 and some major anxiety later, I have registered for my NCLEX. I still need to graduate, get fingerprinted and schedule my test date.....but I am registered! This makes me nervous to the point that I am freaking out about whether I should have put my middle inital instead of my full middle name. I have never felt more anxious for a test!!
I also reserved my cap and gown. I need to contact the instructor in charge of Phi Theta Kappa to arrange for the garb or whatever you call that stuff to wear with my cap and gown. And of course, decide what to wear underneath my gown! That's the most important part here, right?!?! :)
So, still enjoying my spring break!! Super-Duper-Nice!!!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
First Brush with Almost Being Assaulted
Well, I am on Spring Break now until April 3......it is such a lovely break!! The last day of my Capstone before break started was interesting. A patient who had unexplained confusion almost bit me. Luckily, I was able to see her start to go for my hand, and was able to move it out of the way before she made my fingers her lunch......but it would have seriously sucked if she was successful. Bloodwork, shots, antibiotics, a pissed off clinical instructor who was just about to be leaving for a lovely vacation. It would have sucked. However, I actually was pretty fascinated by this patient, and when I got quizzed by the infectious disease doctor who got put on her case, I did pretty well according to him when he started asking me about WBC level difference in bacterial infections vs. viral infections, and learned quite a bit when I didn't know the answers.
I am feeling nervous about registering for my licensing exam, because its super-duper expensive, and I don't want to screw up the application and have to pay it all over it again!! I am also scared about the whole job search situation. So much that scares the crap out of me about what is up ahead, because there is very little I can do to control how it turns out, I can only wakit and see what happens.
Otherwise, I am enjoying things slowing down for a little bit and actually getting to spend time with my husband like a normal married couple, instead of me being married to my books and him being like a third-wheel. I am happy that my stress level has come down from a 20 on a scale from 0-10 to about a 5-6. Loving it so much!!
I have also found that I will buy a $2.50 newspaper from NY because it has ONE article that I really wanted to finish reading while I was waiting in line at Starbucks. Phenergan is an antiemetic that needs to be injected intramusculary, as it can cause gangrene if it is directly injected into a vein or gains access to arterial blood. So, someone who had a bad cases of vomitting might get this, and could potentially lose their arm. Yet, I was surprised to read that patients who receive this generic form of this medication have no legal recourse against the manufacture of the medication.
Why?
Because generic medications do not control what warnings are placed on their labels, because otherwise, they would be a brand name, and not a generic based on a Supreme Court ruling. So, if the Brand Name doesn't update a label to properly warn consumers of the dangers of that medication, neither can the generic medication manufacturers. This apparently relieves the generic manufacturer of any legal responsbility, and the consumer can not sue the brand name because they did not receive the brand name medication. However, I do truly believe the nurse/medical assistant is responsible here because I am sure that they didn't aspirate for blood return before injecting the medication, otherwise, this injury likely wouldn't have happened. Although, it is just as devastating to hear about a teen/young 20-something who now has ulcerative colitis, requires daily IV medications, and basically lost a ton of quality of life following having her large colon removed because she took a generic form of Accutane, which has been taken off of the market. Had she taken the brand name form, she could have participated in the number of lawsuits that awarded settlements to those inflicted with this awful side effect when all they wanted to do was clear up their skin.
I think it is completely awful that just because patients are taking a generic form, that they are basically stripped of their right to sue when they are injured because of failure by the drug companies to adequately warn them of the risks involved in taking it. Patients are given the generic version a large majority of the time, and aren't really even given a choice most of the time in the hospital. And how often do doctors now talk about side effects when prescribing medications?? Never, they assume you are reading that lil piece of paper the pharmacy gives you, which is not reader friendly in my opinion. It should be much simpler and say "You may get these symptoms (a,b,c) and its ok, they will pass; you may also get these symptoms (x,y,z) but its not ok, and you need to call your doctor, and to minimize side effects take the pill in the morning RIGHT BEFORE you eat, etc."
So anyway, that is my nerdy nurse rant for the day. It just saddens me to hear someone can lose an arm because they had some nausea and a nurse likely could have prevented it has they simply apsirated before injecting. Truly a shame.
I am feeling nervous about registering for my licensing exam, because its super-duper expensive, and I don't want to screw up the application and have to pay it all over it again!! I am also scared about the whole job search situation. So much that scares the crap out of me about what is up ahead, because there is very little I can do to control how it turns out, I can only wakit and see what happens.
Otherwise, I am enjoying things slowing down for a little bit and actually getting to spend time with my husband like a normal married couple, instead of me being married to my books and him being like a third-wheel. I am happy that my stress level has come down from a 20 on a scale from 0-10 to about a 5-6. Loving it so much!!
I have also found that I will buy a $2.50 newspaper from NY because it has ONE article that I really wanted to finish reading while I was waiting in line at Starbucks. Phenergan is an antiemetic that needs to be injected intramusculary, as it can cause gangrene if it is directly injected into a vein or gains access to arterial blood. So, someone who had a bad cases of vomitting might get this, and could potentially lose their arm. Yet, I was surprised to read that patients who receive this generic form of this medication have no legal recourse against the manufacture of the medication.
Why?
Because generic medications do not control what warnings are placed on their labels, because otherwise, they would be a brand name, and not a generic based on a Supreme Court ruling. So, if the Brand Name doesn't update a label to properly warn consumers of the dangers of that medication, neither can the generic medication manufacturers. This apparently relieves the generic manufacturer of any legal responsbility, and the consumer can not sue the brand name because they did not receive the brand name medication. However, I do truly believe the nurse/medical assistant is responsible here because I am sure that they didn't aspirate for blood return before injecting the medication, otherwise, this injury likely wouldn't have happened. Although, it is just as devastating to hear about a teen/young 20-something who now has ulcerative colitis, requires daily IV medications, and basically lost a ton of quality of life following having her large colon removed because she took a generic form of Accutane, which has been taken off of the market. Had she taken the brand name form, she could have participated in the number of lawsuits that awarded settlements to those inflicted with this awful side effect when all they wanted to do was clear up their skin.
I think it is completely awful that just because patients are taking a generic form, that they are basically stripped of their right to sue when they are injured because of failure by the drug companies to adequately warn them of the risks involved in taking it. Patients are given the generic version a large majority of the time, and aren't really even given a choice most of the time in the hospital. And how often do doctors now talk about side effects when prescribing medications?? Never, they assume you are reading that lil piece of paper the pharmacy gives you, which is not reader friendly in my opinion. It should be much simpler and say "You may get these symptoms (a,b,c) and its ok, they will pass; you may also get these symptoms (x,y,z) but its not ok, and you need to call your doctor, and to minimize side effects take the pill in the morning RIGHT BEFORE you eat, etc."
So anyway, that is my nerdy nurse rant for the day. It just saddens me to hear someone can lose an arm because they had some nausea and a nurse likely could have prevented it has they simply apsirated before injecting. Truly a shame.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
12 Hour Day Exhaustion
So this has been the first week of my Capstone clinical, and I am exhausted. 700-1900 is actually 700-2000 (trying to get used to military time!!), and getting up at 430 and going to bed at 2200 really makes it a 17.5 hour day, because there is no downtime, and all I do when I get home is eat and then go to bed. I worked Monday, Thursday, had HESI on Friday, worked Saturday, and I was supposed to work today but my preceptor was put on call, and then I work Tuesday. I got lucky that my instructor let me take off if my preceptor was off today because she needs me to work on my weekly journal, because normally I will just come in and work with someone else, but I am exhausted. In an 8 day period, I will have worked 60 hours if I didn't have today off. That is a third of the hours I need within basically the first week. I so desperately needed the extra sleep I got today.
So, my Capstone experience has been somewhat hectic. My preceptor was given 3 patients the first two days, and my nerves were through the roof. I don't suck at doing assessments, but when family is in the room watching you, and you are already freaking out, it makes you feel like such an idiot. Giving report to my instructor for the first time was a hot mess, and I was the dumb nursing student who forgot her password instantly. I did get more comfortable by day 3 doing my assessments, I started charting on one of the patients, and I felt more comfortable period. I still have a lot of things to work on, but I am feeling pretty happy to be where I am for my capstone. I really like my preceptor, and I am glad that she and I seem to get along well. I was worried that what if my preceptor hated me, so other than feeling bad at time where I feel like I am slowing her down, I think this part is going well.
I have been searching for different report sheets that help me, and tweaking them as I go. Finding what works for me, and what doesn't, and adjusting as I go along is helping me. This is really important for me as I need to find a way to organize myself so I can give report in an organized, thorough, and timely manner. So that's my current work in progress.
So, I am tired, but feeling good at this point about how things are going for the most part!
So, my Capstone experience has been somewhat hectic. My preceptor was given 3 patients the first two days, and my nerves were through the roof. I don't suck at doing assessments, but when family is in the room watching you, and you are already freaking out, it makes you feel like such an idiot. Giving report to my instructor for the first time was a hot mess, and I was the dumb nursing student who forgot her password instantly. I did get more comfortable by day 3 doing my assessments, I started charting on one of the patients, and I felt more comfortable period. I still have a lot of things to work on, but I am feeling pretty happy to be where I am for my capstone. I really like my preceptor, and I am glad that she and I seem to get along well. I was worried that what if my preceptor hated me, so other than feeling bad at time where I feel like I am slowing her down, I think this part is going well.
I have been searching for different report sheets that help me, and tweaking them as I go. Finding what works for me, and what doesn't, and adjusting as I go along is helping me. This is really important for me as I need to find a way to organize myself so I can give report in an organized, thorough, and timely manner. So that's my current work in progress.
So, I am tired, but feeling good at this point about how things are going for the most part!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
My Capstone in the ICU has offically started!!
Yesterday was an extremely hectic and anxiety-inducing day for me! I had my first 12 hour shift with my preceptor in the ICU, but I also had to take an extended lunch break to go back to school to have my picture taken for our composite (which I'll touch on later). I was so anxious that I stayed up til nearly midnight panicking, making sure I had everything, what kind of package did I want to buy for my composite picture....what was I going to do when my instructor came to visit me and ask me for report on one of m patients!??!? I even DREAMED about what guage IVs my patient had, and doing an assessment, and seeing my instructor walk into the unit with her dark blue lab coat on. I was a nervous wreck walking onto the unit.
My preceptor was given 3 patients instead of the normal 2 since 2 of the patients were downgraded to just tele status instead of critical, but all 3 had a TON of meds. So, I couldn't do what I normally do...get report, look up labs, look over the meds, do my assessments. It was kind of just like "Lets GO!!". I tried to take the meds that I knew, like I'll do the insulin and Zosyn while you do the PO meds, because I honestly didn't know what all of them were, and we didn't have time for me to look them up. I wrote down all of the meds for the 3 patients, and I am going to look them up today. I also had to do my first assessments with family members watching me. I felt really uncomfortable, but mostly because I was already anxious to begin with, and this was like the anxiety-flavored frosting on the cake made of panic.
It did make me feel better that my preceptor was feeling stressed, too, and that it was because of the patient load, and not because of me. I had to leave around 11:30 to run to school to get my picture taken for my our class composite. We have to wear white shirts, and they put these old school nursing caps on us. I wanted a copy of it just to have, but they rip you off, $55 for ONE 8x10. I just went ahead and got the CD, which is $80, but atleast I can print whatever I want.....but I didn't like how much of a rip off it is. I wish that I didn't have to do the composite picture in the middle of my clinical day, because my hair wasn't freshly styled, and my make-up wasn't ideal. But what could I do? I could have rescheduled it with the LPNs or another time on my own, but I didn't want to. I wanted to take my picture with everyone else. But I was also such a mess that I forgot to snap a bootleg copy of my pic or have someone take a pic of me in my cap.....so I'll have to wait for my package to arrive!
I ate lunch as quickly as I possibly could and got back to the ICU. Luckily, things had calmed down by the time I got back. I felt much more comfortable doing the afternoon assessments, and even my visit from my instructor went better than I hoped it would. I was honest, that I was a bit frazzled because of 3 patients versus 2, but that it was otherwise going ok. We talked about my schedule for the next month, and about charting on the new computer system. My instructor looked just as exhausted as me, so I think this worked in my benefit a little bit. But my goal is to be better prepared, be more organized for the day, and really knock out a great first report with my instructor!
I also think I have been blessed with a great preceptor, and that we will great a long really well. This was something I did worry about, because I don't want someone who has a big impact on me passing my capstone being someone who hates me, lol.
So, I was EXHAUSTED when I got home at 8 last night. Good things happened when I got home though, and Mike had gotten me some beautiful flowers since this past week or so has been so awful. We ate a quick dinner, watched Basketball wives (I got sucked in a few seasons ago, can't help it, lol), and then promptly went to bed! I was soooo ready to sleep! And today, I woke up at 9....got some Starbucks, junk food for breakfast, and being a bit lazy right now. :) I do feel very recharged right now, and am so happy I have this day free to get some things done here at home!!
My preceptor was given 3 patients instead of the normal 2 since 2 of the patients were downgraded to just tele status instead of critical, but all 3 had a TON of meds. So, I couldn't do what I normally do...get report, look up labs, look over the meds, do my assessments. It was kind of just like "Lets GO!!". I tried to take the meds that I knew, like I'll do the insulin and Zosyn while you do the PO meds, because I honestly didn't know what all of them were, and we didn't have time for me to look them up. I wrote down all of the meds for the 3 patients, and I am going to look them up today. I also had to do my first assessments with family members watching me. I felt really uncomfortable, but mostly because I was already anxious to begin with, and this was like the anxiety-flavored frosting on the cake made of panic.
It did make me feel better that my preceptor was feeling stressed, too, and that it was because of the patient load, and not because of me. I had to leave around 11:30 to run to school to get my picture taken for my our class composite. We have to wear white shirts, and they put these old school nursing caps on us. I wanted a copy of it just to have, but they rip you off, $55 for ONE 8x10. I just went ahead and got the CD, which is $80, but atleast I can print whatever I want.....but I didn't like how much of a rip off it is. I wish that I didn't have to do the composite picture in the middle of my clinical day, because my hair wasn't freshly styled, and my make-up wasn't ideal. But what could I do? I could have rescheduled it with the LPNs or another time on my own, but I didn't want to. I wanted to take my picture with everyone else. But I was also such a mess that I forgot to snap a bootleg copy of my pic or have someone take a pic of me in my cap.....so I'll have to wait for my package to arrive!
I ate lunch as quickly as I possibly could and got back to the ICU. Luckily, things had calmed down by the time I got back. I felt much more comfortable doing the afternoon assessments, and even my visit from my instructor went better than I hoped it would. I was honest, that I was a bit frazzled because of 3 patients versus 2, but that it was otherwise going ok. We talked about my schedule for the next month, and about charting on the new computer system. My instructor looked just as exhausted as me, so I think this worked in my benefit a little bit. But my goal is to be better prepared, be more organized for the day, and really knock out a great first report with my instructor!
I also think I have been blessed with a great preceptor, and that we will great a long really well. This was something I did worry about, because I don't want someone who has a big impact on me passing my capstone being someone who hates me, lol.
So, I was EXHAUSTED when I got home at 8 last night. Good things happened when I got home though, and Mike had gotten me some beautiful flowers since this past week or so has been so awful. We ate a quick dinner, watched Basketball wives (I got sucked in a few seasons ago, can't help it, lol), and then promptly went to bed! I was soooo ready to sleep! And today, I woke up at 9....got some Starbucks, junk food for breakfast, and being a bit lazy right now. :) I do feel very recharged right now, and am so happy I have this day free to get some things done here at home!!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Last Final.....
I had my FINAL nursing school final exam today. I took a 100 question exam running on 30 minutes, and no coffee because I didn't have time to run to Starbucks, and I didn't have my usual personal barista hand craft my cup of coffee just the way I like it while I get ready in the morning. The several days of studying I was supposed to have unfortunately turned into 5 hours because I have been dealing with a truly devastating personal situation. I feel so horrible, but I needed to pull myself away to alleviate the hurt and pressure I have been experiencing. This has been a nightmare, and dealing with this while trying to finish up my last semester of nursing school just is proving to be more than I had anticipated. I had so many hopes, but if a relationship isn't there, it isn't there. I can only hope in my heart that someday things will allow improvement, but I just think there is too much stress and not enough time right now.
So, anyway, I've been in a horrible situation that I wanted so much to avoid, and it has made me an absolute emotional mess. This couldn't have blown up at a worse time for everyone, and I have been so distraught that I have spent more of my time crying than studying. I was even more upset about the lack of preparing I was able to do for my final today, but thankfully there is someone looking over me because I "feel" like I did well on my final. Hopefully, it is well enough to pass or else I am gonna jump off of a bridge.
Now, what I am dealing with is a big fat question mark over my schedule. Up to the 17th is all I have at this point, with the 18th on hold but still unsure from my instructor. I can't make arrangements with my boss at the dental office and the hospital, and I dislike this so much. Hopefully, my instructor can get this resolved for me at least for the next month so I can do some planning, and figure out my life here for a bit.
I am just so ready to graduate, and move back into my own home with my husband, and feel like I have a normal life again. This is all I want right now!
In the meantime, waiting on this exam score!!!!!
So, anyway, I've been in a horrible situation that I wanted so much to avoid, and it has made me an absolute emotional mess. This couldn't have blown up at a worse time for everyone, and I have been so distraught that I have spent more of my time crying than studying. I was even more upset about the lack of preparing I was able to do for my final today, but thankfully there is someone looking over me because I "feel" like I did well on my final. Hopefully, it is well enough to pass or else I am gonna jump off of a bridge.
Now, what I am dealing with is a big fat question mark over my schedule. Up to the 17th is all I have at this point, with the 18th on hold but still unsure from my instructor. I can't make arrangements with my boss at the dental office and the hospital, and I dislike this so much. Hopefully, my instructor can get this resolved for me at least for the next month so I can do some planning, and figure out my life here for a bit.
I am just so ready to graduate, and move back into my own home with my husband, and feel like I have a normal life again. This is all I want right now!
In the meantime, waiting on this exam score!!!!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
A Little Background
I shared with some friends today about how Mike and I met, and figured I could share it here as well. It really helped me to write this out today:
I first got my livejournal in 2001 after I had just moved to Flora after spring break in my junior year of high school. Totally pissed at my parents for ripping me from the only place that had ever been home to me, feeling isolated because I didn't have any friends and my friends in Nashville could only keep in touch so much. I hated the world, basically.....and I wrote this long, drawn out blog about my not being too sure about believing in God and Mike just happened to come across my page and decided to comment.
He had commented once before that on another blog, but I thought he was a girl because he commented on something Hello Kitty and his screen name was ambrose, and I was thinking "Who is this Amber rose chick?" It wasn't until the 2nd comment that he left his name, and realized he wasn't a girl and we somehow just started exchanging e-mails.
He wanted to call me, but I was super scared he was really some 40 year old dude, especially when he sent me a check for my birthday. At the time, I felt only old people had checkbooks. So, I was a little freaked out honestly, because he was in his punk days, with a mohawk, and leather jacket with pins all over it, and the necklace made of a chain and lock.
But with time, I was ok with him calling, and thought his Chicago accent sounded funny. He really has been my rock from that point on. We really were just friends at first, even though he would admit to having a crush on me every once in a while. He was there for me when I found out I had PCOS and even my girlfriends didn't feel comfortable talking to me about it but he never once acted grossed out talking about girlie problems, helped me through tons of boy troubles. He really was my best friend and helped me get through that really awful time in my life.
Once I started going to EIU, I was excited because it would be easier for us to meet. I came up here with my friend, and remember being really hurt because he couldn't meet up with me because he was having girlfriend problems at the time. I was beyond furious, I deleted his e-mails, accused him of only e-mailing me because he thought something was going to happen, and his girlfriend shouldn't have been worried about me because NOTHING WAS EVER going to happen between us. I was jealous, and that's when I started realizing I had been writing his name on the side of my notes during lecture.
I apologized for my reaction, and we were fine. He had ended up breaking up with the girlfriend because she was a psycho (lied about being pregnant). And so we decided he would come to see me at school one weekend. I worried it might be a bit awkward having him stay in my dorm room, honestly. I was nervous about it, because it wasn't like he could just leave if it was super awkward because he took the train down to see me.
I was late in my usual fashion picking him up, I forced my friend to come with me in case I was about to be murdered or something. But once we got back to school, and got situated and had some dinner, it wasn't weird at all. It seriously was just like he was supposed to be there. He gave me a kiss on the forehead as we were going to sleep, and I gave him one back, and then we were ready to jump each other. Things really didn't go too far because my roommate was there. He boozed me up the next night, and roommate was gone, and things just happened.
He actually met my mom and lil brother and sisters, my grandpa and some of my aunts that same weekend because I had to make an appearance at my Grandpa's because my mom was driving up that same weekend, and it wasn't too far from the train station where I needed to drop him off at. My mom felt he was a keeper, even though I was still in that "Mom! He's just a friend" phase. But I was absolutely devastated when we got to the train station. I was crying my eyes out that he had to go home. And I know I am a cry baby, but I have never cried about a guy like this in front of the actual guy. I had never been so sad about having to say goodbye to someone.
He and I both kind of struggled with what this was all going to mean. I wasn't sure I was ever going to get to see him again because I had to leave EIU because my parents didn't pay my tuition and didn't tell me until it was too late. They had moved back to TN right before I started at EIU, so I was going to be even farther away.
I got to see him a couple more times before the semester was over. Once I went back home, we had a lot of trouble because it was just a weird situation. And over the next year, we were together, and then not together. I dated someone else for a bit, but once that relationship blew up, Mike and I really talked things out about where we saw things going, how we could make it work, etc. And I MAY have relied HEAVILY on the getting into nursing school and all of the amazing opportunities Chicago would have for me as a NURSE, so that he didn't have all of the burden of me moving up here solely for him (Even though that truly was my only motivation, I was a bit sneaky). And that's how I got here.
I first got my livejournal in 2001 after I had just moved to Flora after spring break in my junior year of high school. Totally pissed at my parents for ripping me from the only place that had ever been home to me, feeling isolated because I didn't have any friends and my friends in Nashville could only keep in touch so much. I hated the world, basically.....and I wrote this long, drawn out blog about my not being too sure about believing in God and Mike just happened to come across my page and decided to comment.
He had commented once before that on another blog, but I thought he was a girl because he commented on something Hello Kitty and his screen name was ambrose, and I was thinking "Who is this Amber rose chick?" It wasn't until the 2nd comment that he left his name, and realized he wasn't a girl and we somehow just started exchanging e-mails.
He wanted to call me, but I was super scared he was really some 40 year old dude, especially when he sent me a check for my birthday. At the time, I felt only old people had checkbooks. So, I was a little freaked out honestly, because he was in his punk days, with a mohawk, and leather jacket with pins all over it, and the necklace made of a chain and lock.
But with time, I was ok with him calling, and thought his Chicago accent sounded funny. He really has been my rock from that point on. We really were just friends at first, even though he would admit to having a crush on me every once in a while. He was there for me when I found out I had PCOS and even my girlfriends didn't feel comfortable talking to me about it but he never once acted grossed out talking about girlie problems, helped me through tons of boy troubles. He really was my best friend and helped me get through that really awful time in my life.
Once I started going to EIU, I was excited because it would be easier for us to meet. I came up here with my friend, and remember being really hurt because he couldn't meet up with me because he was having girlfriend problems at the time. I was beyond furious, I deleted his e-mails, accused him of only e-mailing me because he thought something was going to happen, and his girlfriend shouldn't have been worried about me because NOTHING WAS EVER going to happen between us. I was jealous, and that's when I started realizing I had been writing his name on the side of my notes during lecture.
I apologized for my reaction, and we were fine. He had ended up breaking up with the girlfriend because she was a psycho (lied about being pregnant). And so we decided he would come to see me at school one weekend. I worried it might be a bit awkward having him stay in my dorm room, honestly. I was nervous about it, because it wasn't like he could just leave if it was super awkward because he took the train down to see me.
I was late in my usual fashion picking him up, I forced my friend to come with me in case I was about to be murdered or something. But once we got back to school, and got situated and had some dinner, it wasn't weird at all. It seriously was just like he was supposed to be there. He gave me a kiss on the forehead as we were going to sleep, and I gave him one back, and then we were ready to jump each other. Things really didn't go too far because my roommate was there. He boozed me up the next night, and roommate was gone, and things just happened.
He actually met my mom and lil brother and sisters, my grandpa and some of my aunts that same weekend because I had to make an appearance at my Grandpa's because my mom was driving up that same weekend, and it wasn't too far from the train station where I needed to drop him off at. My mom felt he was a keeper, even though I was still in that "Mom! He's just a friend" phase. But I was absolutely devastated when we got to the train station. I was crying my eyes out that he had to go home. And I know I am a cry baby, but I have never cried about a guy like this in front of the actual guy. I had never been so sad about having to say goodbye to someone.
He and I both kind of struggled with what this was all going to mean. I wasn't sure I was ever going to get to see him again because I had to leave EIU because my parents didn't pay my tuition and didn't tell me until it was too late. They had moved back to TN right before I started at EIU, so I was going to be even farther away.
I got to see him a couple more times before the semester was over. Once I went back home, we had a lot of trouble because it was just a weird situation. And over the next year, we were together, and then not together. I dated someone else for a bit, but once that relationship blew up, Mike and I really talked things out about where we saw things going, how we could make it work, etc. And I MAY have relied HEAVILY on the getting into nursing school and all of the amazing opportunities Chicago would have for me as a NURSE, so that he didn't have all of the burden of me moving up here solely for him (Even though that truly was my only motivation, I was a bit sneaky). And that's how I got here.
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