Change My Attitude

So, the coworker who tried to bite my head off last week because SHE was late.  I've been thinking about it.  She has given me a lot of reasons to dislike her, true, but I need to change my attitude that I've developed towards her.  Acting like she knows everything, never makes mistakes, isn't responsible for the mistakes she makes, and can't be bothered to smile and say hello when she comes in.  While these may be things that make her easy to dislike, giving a cold front isn't going to change it.  Instead of getting irritated when she doesn't bother to say hello, just "What are you doing here?", I'm going to say "Hello to you, too" and hope she can catch on.  I'm going to stop wishing for her to mess up big time so that she will learn to be humble, and admit she doesn't know it all.  This may never happen, and its not worth my energy to think about it.  I feel like having this attitude about her makes me just as bad as the nurses who I felt were picking on me, even if I don't take it as far as they did.  So, I have to stop.  And I will.

Of course, speaking of, I'm probably gonna get chewed out by the nurse I work with on the weekends, because other coworkers were complaining about her, but of course, she thinks because she only works with me, that I was the one to complain about her.  It is true that she never helps me, but I went into it knowing she would not help me, so I've never expected anything else from her.  I'm actually thankful for this, because it helped me a great deal in being able to get through my shift without needing any help most of the time.  I'm a terrible liar, so I hope I can play dumb well enough to get her to calm her jets with me.  But we will see.

Women are so catty.  We are.  It is not easy to work with a bunch of women without having drama.  Even if most of the women get along, there is usually that one or two that like to stir the pot.  It isn't enough for them to come to work and do their job, they want to make it interesting.  This was one of the big driving forces in me going back to school in the first place, because this was constantly happening with coworkers who were old enough to be my mom.  I was wrong to think that once I was working as a nurse, that this wouldn't be a problem.  Luckily, my interaction with my fellow nurses is pretty limited due to the way we are scheduled, so I am not constantly confronted with it.  I can go about my way without having to sit next to someone for 8 hours giving me attitude, or making my shift hell.  I do wish there was more time to chat like there is at my dental office, but my hourly salary is not what it is just for me to have tons of down time to chat.  That's ok.  I do enjoy being able to go in and do my work, and go home and not take work with me as much as I used to.

Anyway, fall definitely feels like it is here, and I'm really happy about this.  We got our pumpkin dish all filled up with candy corn this week.  I don't really like to decorate for fall that much, because its just not as fun to me without having kids.  I like carving pumpkins, though, so that will definitely happen again this year. :)  I can't wait however to decorate for Christmas, I absolutely love how festive our place looks with everything up.  And I'm excited for Christmas cookies, it makes me happy to bake and decorate my goodies each year.  We have our annual M & E downtown window display and high tea extravaganza all planned.  We have done this every year since we got married.  The tea at the Drake was just added last year though, but its a keeper.  I am so happy my mom-in-law turned me onto hot tea, it is a daily staple in my life now.

I'm not looking forward to the inevitable crappy drives to work as winter arrives this year, but it is amazing how well I handle them now compared to my first winter experience up here.  The first time I flew up here to visit Mike, i bought a coat, scarf, and gloves to prepare.  I thought I was good to go.  Oh no.  I wasn't.  I was wearing my favorite Mary Janes with ankle socks, and long sleeve t-shirts.  I would freeze in the 30 seconds between the door of the hotel to the door of Mike's car.  It was sub zero that week, which I had never experienced temperatures that cold in my life.  Getting below 32 is hard enough in Nashville, being -16 is unheard of.  Yet, this boy that I was head over heels in love with made me move up here despite the crappy winters.  It took about 4-5 winters before I stopped being completely miserable in the winter time.  Now I feel like an old pro at it.  What a difference in 9 years from that first winter visit!! :)

I Love My Mornings

I work the 3-11 shift most of the time, and when I first started working it, I didn't think I would like it.  Not getting home until nearly midnight (which is way past my usual bedtime - I like my sleep), and also the thought of never seeing Mike because I'd be sleeping when he's leaving for work, and he would be asleep when I got home from work.  Add in the fear I had of seeing 45+ residents every night, and that I would be going down to part-time hours, I almost didn't take this shift.  At least working night I could still have dinner with Mike every night, and it was relatively non-scary due to the more clerical nature of that shift.  But my brain kept nagging at me that it would be the better experience, no matter how scary it was to take on a shift with non-stop med passing.  I knew only being able to put "Chart auditing" on my resume was not what I wanted to get out of my first year as a nurse.

So, I made that scary call to my boss to ask her if I could still take the 3-11 shift.  I wasn't sure if it would still be available since I had made it pretty clear that I didn't want it when she first approached me.  Luckily, it was still available, and it was mine.  It was a pretty rough day because then I had to negotiate myself hours at my dental office to make up for going down to part-time.  I was pretty upset that day because I was worried about how our finances would work out.  But once I sat down and did the numbers, I knew we would be ok.  I was terrified, but I knew it was the right thing for me and my career.

It was rough getting used to this shift.  Any free time I did have, I spent it obsessing over the list of people I needed to see, trying to absorb it, making the list over and over a few times to make it easier for me to learn the rooms, which hallways to go down, which MAR book to grab.  I cried the first time I attempted to do the shift on my own because the person training me kind of left me to my own devices.  I cried the entire 35 minute drive home.  I cried when I got home.  I never, ever thought I would be able to work this shift and get out on time.  Or that I'd make a mistake and get fired.  I never thought I would learn all the medications like the other girls seem to know like the back of their hand.  Honestly, I thought my coworkers must be crazy to be able to get through this shift like it was nothing.  It definitely made me feel like maybe I would start looking for another job sooner than originally planned.

7 months later, and my perspective on it is completely different.  I have my routine for my shift down pretty well.  I don't have all the meds memorized by heart, but most of them I do.  I still have crazy nights where all hell breaks loose and I get behind, but those are usually because of things that I have no control over or ability to foresee.  When those nights happen,  I accept whatever help my coworker that night can give, and just keep swimming....it all does get done eventually, and my residents will forget soon enough that I was late or rushed seeing them.  I am far more confident than I was when I first started this job.  Someone falling does not send me into a panic anymore like it used to.  I still have so much to learn, but I'm not nearly as terrified as I used to be.

Now, I get to enjoy most of my mornings not rushing around trying to get ready.  I can get my coffee ready, and lounge on the couch while I catch up on my Perez Hilton gossip, and wake up as slowly as I would like.  I can be productive if I need to because I'm not about to crash from exhaustion after working a long day (and not getting enough sleep the night before).  And I still have plenty of nights where I get to have dinner with Mike, and we have Tuesdays off together usually, so my worry about never seeing him wasn't really warranted.  Plus, my shifts go really quickly due to the number of people I have to see, so it doesn't usually feel like I just put in 8 hours of work.  I'm not watching the clock, wishing it would move faster.  I'm usually hoping it will slow down a bit.  I am really happy that I work this shift versus doing overnights, because the one week where I did overnights, I had the hardest time sleeping.  I think I would have been a mess if I kept that up.

Moving on! :)

Mike's parents did a great job in their play Friday night.  The play was what it looked like behind the scenes of an old time radio show.  So you saw how they did certain sound effects, and how certain people did multiple parts on the show.  We really enjoyed it, and my in-laws did a really great job in their roles.  I wasn't sure what to expect at first, but figured we were going to support Mike's parents.  But I am glad we went, because it was a pretty fun show to watch.  I would happily go see them again if they do another show.



Breaking Bad is only one episode away from being over forever.  I am so sad about this.  We have been watching the last season with my friend and her husband, and we have all been in complete disbelief after each episode.  My boss and a couple of other friends are all in disbelief and don't know what to expect next week when the last episode plays.  There is just no way it ends now in a good way where everyone we want to stay alive is alive or stays out of jail.  We will be delayed in watching it because I am working next weekend, so it's gonna suck sooooo bad to have to wait a whole week to watch the finale.

Anxiety is also a lot better.  I haven't taken a Xanax for a whole week now.  I am feeling like the new medication is definitely helping.  Not that I don't still have anxiety, I do, but I feel like I am able to manage it a lot better without having to medicate myself with a Xanax.  This makes me happy.  The anxiety I do have usually motivates me to just get up and do whatever it is that I'm supposed to be doing, cuz usually my anxiety is present when I'm being lazy.  So, the bed that is unmade gets made, and my dishes get put in the sink, and then I feel better.  Not too bad.  :)

I also learned I am in love with Panera's Broccoli Cheddar soup.  I tried their chicken noodle soup once, and didn't like it, so I wrote off all of their soups. (That's just the picky eater in me) But I made Mike order it when we went there on Friday before the play so I could try it, and I was in love.  I was in full out puffy heart love.  I took over the soup from him and gave him my salad.  And we had it Saturday and Sunday for lunch.  And I want to convince him to go get more soup with me today when we gets home from his half-day of overtime and I get home from my session.  I looooooove that soup. :)

I am also loving the weather right now.  It is bright and sunny outside, but its totally cool enough to rock out my cardigans.  I love my cardigans so much.  We've been taking a lot more walks now that its not so humid out.  Walking to go get a coffee at Starbucks or soup at Panera or frozen yogurt at Yogurtland.  It is a really nice walk to take, and I am happy those things are close enough for us to walk to, but long enough of a walk to count it as exercise. :)  Plus, we have some really good talks when we go walking.  If there is something bothering one of us, or a problem we are trying to work out how to handle it, we always seem to be able to do that on our walks.

I also really love Jenna Marbles and this video. :)

Yay for Friday

I'm so happy my work day is over!  This is the last Friday where I get to enjoy being done after 5 hours, because I'm going to be working 2 shifts from now on.  It is a good thing, more hours, more money, but every other Friday is going to be really long for me now.  Mike and I had a hard time getting moving today because its just so gloomy outside, we just wanted to keep cuddling and go back to sleep.  But we were responsible adults and got our butts moving.  Work today went smoothly, for once, I was waiting on my residents to wake up instead of them waiting on me.  It is always a good day when nothing happens on your shift.  The same thing happened Wednesday night, too.  Of course, that always seem to ensure the next shift I work will be the exact opposite.  Oh well. :)

Today, I just plan on going and getting a mani/pedi and then relaxing a bit before my darling husband comes home.  We are gonna catch a bite to eat and then go see his parents in the play they are a part of. I have girls' night on Saturday, and we are having friends over on Sunday to catch up on the latest Breaking Bad episodes.  It is crazy that this how is going to be over after next week.  We won't watch it until the week after it airs, so I may have to stay off the internet for that week to avoid having anyone spoil the ending for me.  DVR and Tivo have been around long enough to warrant from ground rules on posting about TV shows online, in my opinion, people.

I am kind of glad I am not working in a hospital right now because it seems left and right you hear about hospitals cutting jobs to prepare for Obamacare.  I will admit to being completely ignorant about what is actually going to happen when it all goes into effect, but it just seems that everyone having insurance in some form has to be better than the current situation of hospitals providing care without being reimbursed.  I don't expect there to be any effect at my workplace, but you never know.  I do feel more secure being in an assisted living facility over a hospital right now.  I can say that for sure.

It is really challenging right now to skip the mani/pedi and just take a really long nap.   *sigh* I feel so exhausted when its all gloomy like this, and coffee usually doesn't do much to ward off the sleep monster for me.  But if I don't go now, I won't have time the rest of the weekend.  I'll get myself moving.  :)

Sometimes I'm Just a Bitch

Sometimes the person has it coming to them.  If you are late because you didn't allow enough time for someone to answer the door because our facility is completely locked down after 9pm, you do not get to cop an attitude with me.  It is not my problem, not my circus, not my monkeys.  No one is purposely not answering the door the instant you arrive just to mess with you, they are busy.  Residents come first, door comes second.  And instead of greeting me, you start out berating me for not answering my cell phone that is supposed to be turned off and in my purse per corporate policy, you don't win any points with me, dear special one.  You get no sympathy from me, given that the other overnight nurse is NEVER late.  So, you should really save the drama for someone who cares.  And you try biting my head off for YOUR problem, you get bitchy nurse, not the sweet, helpful nurse that I have always tried to be to you.

Ugh.  I didn't even feel bad on my way home after that encounter.  Some people need to learn to be humble.  I am grossly aware of all that I still need to learn, I have more confidence now than I did 6 months ago, but I'm not stupid to think I know it all.  Nurses will never be done learning.  There is something new to learn every single day.  And given the state of the job market for new graduate nurses, you need to watch yourself very carefully.  You lose your first nursing job because of something stupid, you've seriously harmed your ability to get another job.  That was why I was so terrified the first 3-4 months, because I had this completely overwhelming fear of making a mistake and getting fired.  I have cooled my jets a bit on that front, but I still dread learning I've made a mistake.  But I would rather know I made one so I can learn from it.

Saturday was a rough shift for me, sending someone out sucks my time away from me, but that person coming back the same night right after another resident came back after an extended hospital stay unexpectedly with no orders sent over before hand is far, far worse.  I was at work until midnight doing all the charting and paperwork and order transcription and ordering of the new medications, and notifying of the doctors, etc.  But I got it all done, and didn't make any mistakes that I know of.  It was exactly the price I had to pay for taking Sunday off.

It was really weird for me not going to work on Sunday.  I am so used to working my three days in a row, that it just felt so unnatural.  I kept expecting to get a call that I needed to come in, or even when we left the party, I was like "its 7 p.m., I can go and take over the rest of the night".  Its probably because I don't really trust the nurse who was covering for me.  I was still able to enjoy myself at the reunion party.  It was really nice to catch up with some of Mike's family that I haven't seen in a while, and got completely pooped out by his relative's daughter.  We thought we were going to tire her out for her parents, but she tired us out instead.  We came home and crashed.  We joked that we may have to take up crack to keep up once we have kids of our own.  It was fun to entertain her, but it definitely made me feel ok with waiting to have kids.  Anyway, so happy I was able to make this, I always have a good time at these get togethers, and reminds me that they are just as much my family as they are Mike's.  Plus, my oreo rice krispie treats were a big hit. :)

Today I have my session, and Mike is at work doing overtime cause of a huge problem at work. I may go for a walk outside and enjoy the sunshine.  I just need a down day to relax.  So that's all for now! :)

6.4

That is what I have lost since my last weigh-in.  In a dream world, I would have lost every pound I gained in 6 weeks between weigh-ins.  But this was certainly way more than I was anticipating, since weigh-ins sometimes are unpredictable.  You may know a loss is coming, but how much is the part you can never be completely sure of.  I've had weeks where I worked my butt off, and only lost a pound.  Others where I feel like I didn't do that much, and lost 3 or 4 pounds. So, I knew I would lose at least 2 or 3 pounds this week, hoped for 4 or 5, but what I got was 6.4.  Another 2.4 pounds and I will have undone the last 6 weeks of enjoying summer too much.  :)

I just tracked every day pretty much, did at least 30 minutes of activity 5 days out of the week, which included 2 run/walk days at the gym, 60 mins of Zumba class at the gym, and 2 3-4 mile walks.  Plus all the activity I get in at work being on my feet all night.  I ate all of the fruit I bought last week, if I got Starbucks, I got a tall skinny vanilla latte which is only 2 points.  And Nature Valley's granola thins are a perfect replacement to all those chocolates at work.  I still had some cheat moments (or cheat days when you look at my Sunday last week) like nutella on a chocolate chip waffle (amazing) and nutella on my cheesecake frozen yogurt and strawberries (amazing too).  But I did really well this week, so I'm happy I got things moving again on the weightloss front! :)

I have been having a pretty rough week this week anxiety wise.  My doctor started me on a new medication that I hoped would even out my anxiety without having to take my xanax as often, and this week I have felt like I was going insane from anxiety.  I have been desperate to get rid of that feeling, more so than I think I have ever in the past.  But today has been ok so far, so I am thinking it was temporary.  I have been fortunate so far to not have any other major side effects.  I really want to be able to get out of my anxiety episodes without needing to take a xanax and risk being drowsy the rest of the day.  So we will see.  Tonight is work, so that will be a good test for me, as the anticipation of what my shift will be like (or ends up being like) usually results in a good amount of anxiety for me.

I must have gotten a spider bite Thursday or Friday.  I have this spot with 2 little spots that look exactly like all the pictures of spider bites I have seen.  Mike is a bit worried, especially because my sister's boyfriend ended up in the hospital from a bad spider bite.  But I doubt this is the same kind of spider bite.  I need to see something else develop than induration the size of half a pea and redness the size of a quarter.  I do have some warmth at the site which is weird to me, but I'm watching it, and will get myself to the appropriate medical professional if I feel it becomes necessary.  I'm just trying my best to not scratch it, that's all I can really do.  I can't afford to take a Benadryl, because that knocks me out, and I can't really do much good for my residents if I'm passed out on a couch somewhere.

So, right now, I'm gonna try to take a nap since I woke up far earlier than I really wanted to today.  Damn hubby, always making sure I get up when I am supposed to.  ;)

Ditka Dash

Oh my goodness, I am so incredibly, irrationally excited to do this 5k.  A girl who graduated a semester before me posted this on Facebook, and I checked it out, and was immediately on board to do this.  Sure, wearing a mustache and aviators is not my usual look, but it just sounds like such fun.  I just got confirmation that Mike was able to get the day off, so we can actually do this!!  So, definitely gonna be doing 3 5Ks this year instead of the one I was aiming for.  I feel really good about this!

I have been good tracking wise since Saturday, except for Sunday.  Sunday was just not possible to be good.  My friend's baby shower was at Cooper's Hawk, and they filled our Sangria glasses again and again like they do with water, and the food was just amazing.  Crispy onion thingys? Not so bad as I thought they would be.  I stuffed myself so bad, and then came home and stuffed some more because we made pulled pork sandwiches and my friend brought over this amazing onion dip she makes.  Sunday was bad in the most delicious, satisfying way.

I did get back on track on Monday, and even talked myself out of snacking on the chocolate in the nursing office, and instead of stopping for Wendy's to treat my post shift hunger that seems to come no matter what I do, I ate my orange on the way home that I wasn't able to get to on my dinner break.  Sure, I had plans to go to the gym this morning, but I had a really rough day yesterday anxiety-wise, plus a pretty hellish shift (nothing major, just a million annoying phone calls), I needed some down time this morning.  but I am going to Zumba tonight, so its alright. :)

I am excited for Mom and Dad-in-laws' reunion this weekend.  I was pretty sad at first when I realized it was on my weekend to work, knowing how little my chances were of getting the day off.  But luckily, one of the overnight nurses is pretty hungry to pick up extra shifts, and she wanted to take it.  I personally wouldn't have done it if I was her because of how difficult my shift is to pick up without having a decent orientation, but if my boss was gonna allow it, I'll happily give it to her.  It just would have sucked to miss it because they don't do it every year, and I'm happy to see some of Mike's family that we haven't seen in a while.  Plus, I get to make something to bring, and I have to come up with amazing ideas. :)

I also got inspired at my friend's baby shower to start crocheting again.  I was trying to find a navy and white throw blanket, but haven't found any I liked that weren't ridiculously expensive.  So, I started a chevron pattern I found, and so far so good.  Getting started is the hardest part, because you have to make sure you are meticulous with your counting, or else you have to start all over.  But then its easy.  Then you have to keep motivated to not stuff it in the back of a closet somewhere like I did with the last project I started.  I am excited to try a new pattern and see how it turns out!

8.8

That's how much I have gained back during my Weight Watchers hiatus.  I have definitely been enjoying my summer a bit too much!  It was not easy getting myself to go and get weighed in today, but I knew it was what it was going to take to jump start  things back up.  Plus, today was the last day I was gonna be able to cash in an offer for a free cook book for coming back.  The leader of the meetings I usually go to was the one to weigh me in, which set the stage for extra-shame, but he was really awesome about it.  If he can't make gaining nearly 9 pounds sound positive, then no one can.

Today has been pretty good, I have tracked everything.  I went to the gym.  I even got a drink at Starbucks that was only 2 points, and liked it.  I only had one serving of sausage gravy tonight for dinner (which is super hard for me given it is one of my favorite Southern things I make).  Tomorrow presents a challenge because I have a baby shower for a friend at Cooper's Hawk, and then we are having friends over to get caught up on Breaking Bad, and I'm making pulled pork sandwiches.  But dessert will be somewhat healthy, angel food cake with strawberries and Nutella. :)  Gosh, I do love Nutella.  But, as long as I go to the gym in the morning, I will feel less guilty.

I didn't make it to Zumba this week for a couple of reasons, but I am definitely going this week.  I am looking forward to it.  I HAVE to get back on track with my running, as well.  Our Hot Chocolate 5k is less than 2 months away, and we are considering signing up for another at the end of November.  Who would have thought when I said for one of my goals this year that I wanted to run a 5k, I'd end up doing 3.

Work has been going well.  I am starting to feel less anxious.  I still have shifts where everything is going to hell, but they are usually due to things completely out of my control.  I have been able to handle those things pretty well, but the stress level has not been fun.  Everything gets done, all meds are given, all things are charted, all meds get ordered.  It all eventually gets done.  I do have a hard time dealing with some of the more difficult residents, but I'm not alone in this either.  So, seven months in so far, and it is amazing the difference in how I feel now versus how I felt the first night I had to work the 3-11 shift myself versus just shadowing.  I am far more confident than I was, and I am starting to assert myself a bit more to keep situations/residents/families/etc. from sucking my time away from me.  I am getting more and more comfortable with this little ol' title of mine, Nurse. :)

I think now I am going to do some quality control for the strawberries and Nutella. ;)  Make sure they are the finest quality Mariano's has to offer. lol