I had my yearly review this week. I really can't believe a year has passed since I was hired for my first nursing position. I was so insanely terrified of how this new chapter in my life would go. I had read so many stories on nursing message boards about first time nurses getting fired while on orientation, for seemingly no reason at all. Or because they didn't get enough of an orientation, and then made a huge mistake. Surviving through an entire year seemed like it was never going to happen. I would get such awful anxiety before going in for my shifts, like HOURS of anxiety.....just because I was scared I'd walk into an awful night of being behind, or people needing to go out to the hospital. Or of making a mistake. Or of being scolded for a mistake I had no idea I made.
Flash forward to now, its completely different. Yeah, I still worry about making mistakes, and honestly, I never want to lose that fear. But it doesn't control my every waking moment like it used to. I feel more comfortable in managing my shifts, calling doctors when I need to. What orders to ask for when my residents start having certain symptoms. I'm not always 100% sure of myself 100% of the time, but I'm not as terrified as I once was. Which makes my life much better overall.
It has also been an extremely exhausting week. I had made the mistake of thinking I could work Tuesday 3-11, then a double on Wednesday, on a regular basis. I just can't. And I also agreed to work Thursday 7-12 to help my boss out without thinking about the fact that I'd be working it right after the awful Tues/Wed combo, and then follow it with class and lab. Luckily, a nurse put in her notice, so I was able to rearrange my schedule to undo the Tues/Wed double combo. But holy heck was I tired! 8 hours of sleep in 48 hours is not a good thing. Then I'm working 7 days in a row, and working OT. Then I have my physical coming up, and I needed to get blood work done, and the only time I could go was after my 7-12 shift yesterday. So I was on my feet working for 5 hours, with no coffee, no food, just water to sustain me. I'm honestly surprised I made it through without snapping at anyone from hunger. It really didn't help smelling the sausage and bacon they were serving the residents while I'm giving them their medications. But, my blood work was all normal, so that makes me happy :)
In 2 weeks, I'm gonna be 30. It's super weird in some ways, but honestly, I feel way older than 30 in a lot of ways. I grew up pretty quickly, became independent far younger than most people have to. My path in life has not been the easiest one, but I'm a survivor (cue Destiny's Child song lol). My imperfect life has taught me a lot, and I am happy with the way my life has turned out. 10 years ago, I would have never thought I would be where I am today. So, I am not afraid to be passing the 3 decades of life mark. :) Luckily, I was able to secure the 3 day weekend we had planned to spend together for my birthday since I have to work the 15-17th. And no, I am not having a party. The last time I had a party was when I turned 13 or 14. That was the last year before everyone started coupling off, and planning dates for Valentine's Day. I'm not a big party person at all, so I'm perfectly content in letting my hubby spoil me double time as he always done :)
Chemistry is going well so far. :) I'm enjoying feeling like I'm learning something. My nurse measuring skills come in very handy. :) I'm also extremely good at getting the bunsen burner going. :)
Right now, I'm just relaxing while watching the snow fall down in big, fluffy clumps. I'll be driving in it soon enough and cursing it, but right now its just pretty to see.
