A work situation has me really stressed the last few days. I'm not really comfortable discussing it in any kind of detail, other than to say I'm stressed. I hope it all resolves, but in the meantime I am a nervous wreck. Besides this situation, work is going much better finally. I'm 4 months in, almost to 5 months. I am feeling like I have finally found my rhythm in getting my med pass done on time. One of my coworkers found a job closer to home, so our overnight nurse moved into her schedule. As a result, my shift is over at 2200, instead of 2300. I really kind of had a mini-panic, because it was hard for me to leave on time even at 2300 some days. But I have actually done ok this past week. I'm sure that I'll have the random incidents where all hell breaks loose, and there is no way I will get out on time.....but I'm finally starting to feel like leaving at 2200 is a real and likely possibility, instead of simply a mean, cruel joke.
I still have so much to learn, and I feel now that I've gotten the routine down of my shift, I can start working on other aspects more. Learning what to do with the different kind of orders, like getting Hospice or Home Health in to see a resident, or ordering things like wheelchairs/walkers/heel protectors/etc. Getting better at my assessments, my documentation. I'd say I've gotten good at handling the orders for bloodwork, UAs, and X-rays. I've only had to send someone out a couple of times to the hospital, but this is something else I want to get better at.....trusting my judgement, but knowing when to not jump to a conclusion (like not believing anything is seriously wrong) and notify the doctors.
Like, chest pain. It's a weird thing. And pain in general is not uncommon in the older population that I care for. My gut instinct when chest pain happens is to call 911, but I have learned there are times where I was really scared for a resident, and the doctor declined to send out and all was fine, others where I really thought the resident was fine, but the doctor wanted to send out (which the resident was fine). And some that the resident was just using poor choice of words to describe what was ailing them, or was just freaking out because they wanted a freakin' Tylenol. It is so incredibly difficult to determine the right level of concern sometimes, because you don't want to underestimate the level of urgency, yet, you don't want to send someone to the hospital if all they have is heartburn.
But I love what I do, despite the stress that comes with it. Caring for 43 people (and some of them I see 2-3 times) in one night is a big task. It makes me feel silly stressing out over having to pass meds to 3 people in the hospital when I was in nursing school, although the process is completely different in a hospital. Still, if I can manage to pass meds to 43 people in my little 8 hour shift, plus process orders, write up incidents, yell at the pharmacy, etc., surely I can handle caring for 4-6 patients in the hospital setting. My goal is still to get a hospital job, even though the idea of leaving my current residents is a difficult one to process. I just miss doing things like IVs, and IV Piggybacks, I'd love to see more tiny humans come into this world someday. What a wonderful little miracle to hear that first cry immediately silenced by the recognition of their daddy's voice. It made me cry every single time. Sometimes I miss wearing scrubs...more like once in a blue moon I miss it.
Onto weightloss. The past 2 weeks have just sucked. I got sick, then got the horrible sunburn from hell, and now stress from work. My motivation is completely gone. I have not been good about eating, have not been working out, I skipped my weigh-in this past Saturday. Just all around bad. I am disappointed in myself. I didn't track my food yesterday, but I know I was under my points. And today is going ok so far. I gotta take baby steps into getting back on track. I wanted to go to the gym today, but I'm too upset to consider it right now, maybe later on I'll feel differently.
I have a month until my 5k, I really don't have much faith in myself to know I could run the whole thing, but I want to at least get up to 8 minutes at a time. I really don't want to be that girl who is walking the whole thing, I just don't.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Finally Feeling Better!!
My sunburn is finally at a bearable level of discomfort. I have never had sunburn that took a week to recover. And this isn't exactly recovered, it is just tolerable. I have this throbbing pain in my legs when I try to stand after sitting for too long, or from standing still too long. It was strange, if I kept moving while on my feet, the pain was manageable. This was certainly a godsend when I worked on Monday. I was supposed to work last night, but we are training our overnight nurse to work the PM shift, and she was going to be by herself for the first time last night down in our memory care section, and my boss wanted one of the other girls who was familiar with that section to be here to help her if needed. Which worked out perfectly for me. It gave me 2 days to just rest, and let my sunburn heal. Which is exactly what it has done. My feet and ankles are no longer swollen, I can actually touch my leg without crying in pain. There is long section down the shin of my leg that is still healing, which has obviously been the source of the majority of my pain. But it is improving at a pleasing rate.
I just can't wait to shave again. My legs are bordering on nursing school days kind of hairy, and I don't like it. This weekend for sure.
Also, when I opened up my iPad this morning, a beautiful thing was waiting for me. An announcement from Jack Johnson that he is going on tour again!! He is coming to Chicago in October, and I am beyond excited! They are having a lottery for who gets a chance at buying tickets, which I understand......but I will be heartbroken if I don't get picked! His music is like Xanax to me, soothing no matter what my mood is. I started listening to him my freshman year of college, and I've been a fan ever since. Luckily, Mike doesn't mind too much my occasional tease that I'd leave him for Jack Johnson if given the chance. Or am I only teasing? :)
My musical tastes are kind of all over the place. I go from liking Jay Z and Kanye West, Macklemore, to Jack Johnson and Ingrid Michaelson, to Christina Aguilera and Britney, Janet Jackson and Mariah, and I'll admit to not being able to help myself when Taylor Swift comes, and I'm feeling 22 singing along to her songs. Or the random artists that have a flash in the pan, and their song is catchy. I like songs, but it takes a lot for me to actually buy their album. Jack Johnson, for sure, will always buy......Britney Spears, probably only the songs I like. I also like a little country, here and there. Like I said, I'm all over the place, and it totally depends on my mood.
I am also excited for my new Life Planner. Last year, my friend introduced me to Erincondren.com, and all of her beautiful, customized creations. I have never been much into commitment when it comes to my planners. I would get one because it had a pretty cover, or if I thought I would find it more useful. I even bought one from Tiffany's one year that I am ashamed I couldn't bring myself to use the whole year. It just was to heavy and didn't work for me. So, I was a bit hesitant about plunking down $50 on a planner, given my tendencies to have a wandering eye and moving on to newer and better things. However, I have to say, I have used this one all year. I love that the coil is good and sturdy, and can take whatever abuse comes it way from being in my bag. There is always enough space to write what I need in it, and it has places for me to stash things like receipts, stamps, etc. Plus, it is just freakin' adorable to have your name printed on your planner in a beautiful design. It is in production now, finally after 10 days since I ordered it. I expect it will be to ship out soon, and in my hands by next week. I found some lovely pens to use on it this year that don't bleed through, and I'm drooling over a bunch of different designs of washi tape on Etsy. I'm gonna have a hard time deciding! I'm really excited about the design I picked this year, and I had them put R.N. behind my name. I didn't do it last year because I hadn't taken my boards yet when I ordered it, and I didn't want to jinx myself. New planners make me a happy girl! :)
I just can't wait to shave again. My legs are bordering on nursing school days kind of hairy, and I don't like it. This weekend for sure.
Also, when I opened up my iPad this morning, a beautiful thing was waiting for me. An announcement from Jack Johnson that he is going on tour again!! He is coming to Chicago in October, and I am beyond excited! They are having a lottery for who gets a chance at buying tickets, which I understand......but I will be heartbroken if I don't get picked! His music is like Xanax to me, soothing no matter what my mood is. I started listening to him my freshman year of college, and I've been a fan ever since. Luckily, Mike doesn't mind too much my occasional tease that I'd leave him for Jack Johnson if given the chance. Or am I only teasing? :)
My musical tastes are kind of all over the place. I go from liking Jay Z and Kanye West, Macklemore, to Jack Johnson and Ingrid Michaelson, to Christina Aguilera and Britney, Janet Jackson and Mariah, and I'll admit to not being able to help myself when Taylor Swift comes, and I'm feeling 22 singing along to her songs. Or the random artists that have a flash in the pan, and their song is catchy. I like songs, but it takes a lot for me to actually buy their album. Jack Johnson, for sure, will always buy......Britney Spears, probably only the songs I like. I also like a little country, here and there. Like I said, I'm all over the place, and it totally depends on my mood.
I am also excited for my new Life Planner. Last year, my friend introduced me to Erincondren.com, and all of her beautiful, customized creations. I have never been much into commitment when it comes to my planners. I would get one because it had a pretty cover, or if I thought I would find it more useful. I even bought one from Tiffany's one year that I am ashamed I couldn't bring myself to use the whole year. It just was to heavy and didn't work for me. So, I was a bit hesitant about plunking down $50 on a planner, given my tendencies to have a wandering eye and moving on to newer and better things. However, I have to say, I have used this one all year. I love that the coil is good and sturdy, and can take whatever abuse comes it way from being in my bag. There is always enough space to write what I need in it, and it has places for me to stash things like receipts, stamps, etc. Plus, it is just freakin' adorable to have your name printed on your planner in a beautiful design. It is in production now, finally after 10 days since I ordered it. I expect it will be to ship out soon, and in my hands by next week. I found some lovely pens to use on it this year that don't bleed through, and I'm drooling over a bunch of different designs of washi tape on Etsy. I'm gonna have a hard time deciding! I'm really excited about the design I picked this year, and I had them put R.N. behind my name. I didn't do it last year because I hadn't taken my boards yet when I ordered it, and I didn't want to jinx myself. New planners make me a happy girl! :)
Monday, June 17, 2013
Slacker Monday
I'm just being lazy today before I have to go into work later on in the afternoon. My head cold finally went away after a week, it was a stubborn little thing. Of course, I replaced my source of misery with a newly acquired sunburn. On Tuesday, I was feeling a little better, and my hubby suggested going out to the pool. Not sure why he suggested this, as I have been strongly opposed to any notion that I'd make myself vulnerable to having other people see me in a swimming suit since the day he met me. I didn't care if no one else cared, or that I'd never see those people again in my life. It wasn't gonna happen. I haven't gone swimming since my senior year of high school. Apparently, pool days was a thing I couldn't get myself out of without getting detention. I attempted it one day, and was mortified. I then decided detention was a far nicer punishment than having my rolls on display in front of all the kids in my new school. And I have never gone in a pool since. That was almost 12 years ago.
And honestly, I probably haven't owned a swimsuit since 6th grade. That was the last year I was blissfully ignorant enough to get into a swimsuit. So, to make a long story short, since I was 11, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've gone swimming. That is a pretty sad story.
So anyway....again...not sure what possessed my husband into thinking that suggesting going to the pool was a good idea. Surely, he knew it just wasn't gonna happen. I didn't even have a swimsuit..........or did I?
We had gone to Michigan a couple of years ago. I was inspired for a moment that I may feel ok getting into a swimsuit, because it had been so hot, and getting into the water would have been really nice. I thought that maybe if we were far enough away from home, I would feel better getting into a swimsuit. So I ordered a swimsuit. I didn't think I looked too terrible, and it covered up most of what I was worried about. But then I never used it. For 2 years.
I should have gotten rid of it, but it was just sitting in my dresser underneath a bunch of random socks or whatever. I decided to try it on, not sure if it would still fit since I've lost a lot of weight since I first ordered it. It wasn't as snug, and my poor girls no longer filled out the top, but once I adjusted the straps to be a little tighter around my neck, they were secure enough. So, I decided "Why not?". I made Mike hurry up and get ready before I lost my nerve, and off to the pool we went. Our complex has 2 pools, and they are actually right next to our building.
I quickly got over caring if anyone was looking at me and laughing their heads off internally. It was so incredibly nice to be in the pool, goofing off with Mike. It also made Mike really happy to have finally gotten me to the pool with him. We were there for several hours, because I was like a child, and didn't want to leave. I also wasn't upset with the idea of getting some color without having to go to the tanning bed every fluffing day. Of course, my casper skin does this magic trick, where I'm still white as a ghost until 2 hours later, when I turn a bright shade of lobster red. We got some better sunblock later that night, but I was only burnt on my upper body, so I could manage.
Of course, Thursday, I was like a child again. I knew better. I was still healing from the first sunburn, so going out again was not a good idea. Yet, I could help but be bothered by my Casper the ghost legs, and thought if I slathered on enough sunblock on my arms and chest and face, all would be ok!
Wrong.
I had a really relaxing day by the pool on Thursday. I laid off for a while and read my book on my iPad. Side note, The Tao of Martha by Jen Lancaster was hilarious. I love her. Anyway, once I felt too hot, I got in the pool and swam for a little bit. I then, for some stupid reason, forgot the magic trick my skin likes to pull, and thought I'd lay out for a bit more, because my legs were still white. This is where my mistake happened. I should have just toweled off and gone home. But nope, I subjected myself to even more sun, and as a result, got the worst sunburn on my legs that I've ever had in my life. I wouldn't even realize just how bad it was until the next day after work.
I got home from my shift on Friday to discover my ankles must be swollen, as are my legs. Which would help to explain the excruciating pain I would experience trying to stand up. My skin felt like it was pulling at one spot, and it was just awful. I barely wanted to eat, and was feeling pretty nauseous all day on Friday and Saturday. I also felt pretty wiped out. So, just as my head cold as disappearing, I prolonged my misery by adding a sunburn. Lesson learned, sunscreen is my friend, and I will never try to act like I'm too cool to hang out with it again. Promise.
This week has been heavy on the people noticing my weight loss front this week. One was a patient at my dental office who didn't even recognize me when I greeted her by name. She looked at me like "How did you know my name, crazy bitch?" Then she asked me my name, and her eyes just popped open, like "OMG". I was a bit surprised though, I know I have lost a lot of weight, but I didn't think it had gotten to the point of me not being recognizable. I wasn't wearing my signature cardigan at work in the morning because I was kind of hot, so I guess the cardigan had covered up just how much weight I had lost from my coworkers. I get uncomfortable talking about my weight loss to other people, so I was happy to put my cardigan back on once the AC kicked in.
Of course, then we met up at my in-laws house for Father's day, and I had gotten out of having to talk about my weight loss with Mike's parents. But his Grandpa hadn't seen me since Christmas, and this kind of opened the floodgates. It was nice to hear the flattering comments, and encouragement, but I just feel so uncomfortable talking about it. I'm not starving myself, or doing anything extreme, sometimes I'm surprised I'm even losing weight with what I eat sometimes. And I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I'm not doing this to gain the approval of others. And sometimes, it feels like society won't accept you until you lose weight.....so while the kind compliments are just that, a compliment. It sometimes feels like "Oh, now we can say nice things about you because you finally decided to drop the weight, fatty". Completely irrational, and paranoid to think of it this way, I know. I kind of hate that I have this mentality about people paying me compliments as I lose weight, but it is what it is. I'm sure its going to be this for a while because I haven't completely accepted myself as I lose weight. 40 pounds lighter, and I still have trouble seeing myself as the slimmed down version. I see what's still there of my stomach, my thighs, my arms. I have trouble seeing my progress sometimes because those areas are still so large to me.
Anyway, so yeah, I basically am having trouble accepting compliments right now. Poor, pitiful me. Geez. Talk about first world problems.
So, yep, I reached my 40 pound loss goal this Saturday. Despite being sick and not being able to breathe enough to exercise. I also got a new charm for my keychain for having 16 weigh-ins. It is supposed to be for coming for 16 weeks, but I skipped a few weeks. So I'd be lying to say I went 16 weeks in a row, but I have stayed committed. I actually filled out a whole passbook. I am happy that I've hung on this long, and made far more progress this time around than I ever have before, besides the time I took diet pills (never doing that again).
Father's day was really nice. The weather was perfect for going downtown, and the food was amazing. I got a jalapeno bacon sausage with chipotle mayo, and I could have easily eaten 2 until the cheddar and bacon chips the size of a basketball were ordered. They were amazing, it took four of us to eat them, and we still didn't eat them all. And watching them using a power drill the power the potatoes through the slicer was entertaining! I was really happy we got everyone on board to do this for Father's day.
This week, I don't have to work any doubles, thank goodness! Once my sunburn on my legs heals, I'm getting back on the bandwagon with my running. I'm thinking I am gonna have to rethink my goal of running the entire 5k next month, which the setback I'm in right now, I'm not sure I can get myself to the point of running 3 miles without stopping. Which I feel bad about. I really do. My friend is much further ahead of the game than I am, and I don't want to hold anyone back. I realize this isn't a timed 5k, and its meant to just be fun, but I really wanted to be able to run the whole thing. We will see, I still have well over a month to work on this, but given my stagnation at 3 minute intervals, I'm guessing I'm not gonna be able to get myself to non-stop-running by then.
But I'm still excited to finally be able to do a 5k! The Color Run is honestly the most fun 5k I've seen, and seriously, the jealousy is strong with this one when I see my friends post pictures on facebook after doing it. I don't quite understand the jealousy, and let me say its not a "I hate that bitch" kind of jealousy, its just more of a way "Oooooooh, I wannnnnnnnaaaa! Me, Me, Me, when is it gonna be MY turn" kind of jealousy. lol Something about the idea of getting splashed with bright colors just seems like so much fun! Mike and I are also playing with the idea of signing up for this Hot Chocolate 5k later this year. What better motivator is there than knowing chocolate will be waiting for you when you are done?!?! Plus, it is timed, you must keep a certain pace to be able to complete it, which will be a great push to keep my going even after my 5k next month.
That's all for now, I guess its time to get ready for work!
And honestly, I probably haven't owned a swimsuit since 6th grade. That was the last year I was blissfully ignorant enough to get into a swimsuit. So, to make a long story short, since I was 11, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've gone swimming. That is a pretty sad story.
So anyway....again...not sure what possessed my husband into thinking that suggesting going to the pool was a good idea. Surely, he knew it just wasn't gonna happen. I didn't even have a swimsuit..........or did I?
We had gone to Michigan a couple of years ago. I was inspired for a moment that I may feel ok getting into a swimsuit, because it had been so hot, and getting into the water would have been really nice. I thought that maybe if we were far enough away from home, I would feel better getting into a swimsuit. So I ordered a swimsuit. I didn't think I looked too terrible, and it covered up most of what I was worried about. But then I never used it. For 2 years.
I should have gotten rid of it, but it was just sitting in my dresser underneath a bunch of random socks or whatever. I decided to try it on, not sure if it would still fit since I've lost a lot of weight since I first ordered it. It wasn't as snug, and my poor girls no longer filled out the top, but once I adjusted the straps to be a little tighter around my neck, they were secure enough. So, I decided "Why not?". I made Mike hurry up and get ready before I lost my nerve, and off to the pool we went. Our complex has 2 pools, and they are actually right next to our building.
I quickly got over caring if anyone was looking at me and laughing their heads off internally. It was so incredibly nice to be in the pool, goofing off with Mike. It also made Mike really happy to have finally gotten me to the pool with him. We were there for several hours, because I was like a child, and didn't want to leave. I also wasn't upset with the idea of getting some color without having to go to the tanning bed every fluffing day. Of course, my casper skin does this magic trick, where I'm still white as a ghost until 2 hours later, when I turn a bright shade of lobster red. We got some better sunblock later that night, but I was only burnt on my upper body, so I could manage.
Of course, Thursday, I was like a child again. I knew better. I was still healing from the first sunburn, so going out again was not a good idea. Yet, I could help but be bothered by my Casper the ghost legs, and thought if I slathered on enough sunblock on my arms and chest and face, all would be ok!
Wrong.
I had a really relaxing day by the pool on Thursday. I laid off for a while and read my book on my iPad. Side note, The Tao of Martha by Jen Lancaster was hilarious. I love her. Anyway, once I felt too hot, I got in the pool and swam for a little bit. I then, for some stupid reason, forgot the magic trick my skin likes to pull, and thought I'd lay out for a bit more, because my legs were still white. This is where my mistake happened. I should have just toweled off and gone home. But nope, I subjected myself to even more sun, and as a result, got the worst sunburn on my legs that I've ever had in my life. I wouldn't even realize just how bad it was until the next day after work.
I got home from my shift on Friday to discover my ankles must be swollen, as are my legs. Which would help to explain the excruciating pain I would experience trying to stand up. My skin felt like it was pulling at one spot, and it was just awful. I barely wanted to eat, and was feeling pretty nauseous all day on Friday and Saturday. I also felt pretty wiped out. So, just as my head cold as disappearing, I prolonged my misery by adding a sunburn. Lesson learned, sunscreen is my friend, and I will never try to act like I'm too cool to hang out with it again. Promise.
This week has been heavy on the people noticing my weight loss front this week. One was a patient at my dental office who didn't even recognize me when I greeted her by name. She looked at me like "How did you know my name, crazy bitch?" Then she asked me my name, and her eyes just popped open, like "OMG". I was a bit surprised though, I know I have lost a lot of weight, but I didn't think it had gotten to the point of me not being recognizable. I wasn't wearing my signature cardigan at work in the morning because I was kind of hot, so I guess the cardigan had covered up just how much weight I had lost from my coworkers. I get uncomfortable talking about my weight loss to other people, so I was happy to put my cardigan back on once the AC kicked in.
Of course, then we met up at my in-laws house for Father's day, and I had gotten out of having to talk about my weight loss with Mike's parents. But his Grandpa hadn't seen me since Christmas, and this kind of opened the floodgates. It was nice to hear the flattering comments, and encouragement, but I just feel so uncomfortable talking about it. I'm not starving myself, or doing anything extreme, sometimes I'm surprised I'm even losing weight with what I eat sometimes. And I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I'm not doing this to gain the approval of others. And sometimes, it feels like society won't accept you until you lose weight.....so while the kind compliments are just that, a compliment. It sometimes feels like "Oh, now we can say nice things about you because you finally decided to drop the weight, fatty". Completely irrational, and paranoid to think of it this way, I know. I kind of hate that I have this mentality about people paying me compliments as I lose weight, but it is what it is. I'm sure its going to be this for a while because I haven't completely accepted myself as I lose weight. 40 pounds lighter, and I still have trouble seeing myself as the slimmed down version. I see what's still there of my stomach, my thighs, my arms. I have trouble seeing my progress sometimes because those areas are still so large to me.
Anyway, so yeah, I basically am having trouble accepting compliments right now. Poor, pitiful me. Geez. Talk about first world problems.
So, yep, I reached my 40 pound loss goal this Saturday. Despite being sick and not being able to breathe enough to exercise. I also got a new charm for my keychain for having 16 weigh-ins. It is supposed to be for coming for 16 weeks, but I skipped a few weeks. So I'd be lying to say I went 16 weeks in a row, but I have stayed committed. I actually filled out a whole passbook. I am happy that I've hung on this long, and made far more progress this time around than I ever have before, besides the time I took diet pills (never doing that again).
Father's day was really nice. The weather was perfect for going downtown, and the food was amazing. I got a jalapeno bacon sausage with chipotle mayo, and I could have easily eaten 2 until the cheddar and bacon chips the size of a basketball were ordered. They were amazing, it took four of us to eat them, and we still didn't eat them all. And watching them using a power drill the power the potatoes through the slicer was entertaining! I was really happy we got everyone on board to do this for Father's day.
This week, I don't have to work any doubles, thank goodness! Once my sunburn on my legs heals, I'm getting back on the bandwagon with my running. I'm thinking I am gonna have to rethink my goal of running the entire 5k next month, which the setback I'm in right now, I'm not sure I can get myself to the point of running 3 miles without stopping. Which I feel bad about. I really do. My friend is much further ahead of the game than I am, and I don't want to hold anyone back. I realize this isn't a timed 5k, and its meant to just be fun, but I really wanted to be able to run the whole thing. We will see, I still have well over a month to work on this, but given my stagnation at 3 minute intervals, I'm guessing I'm not gonna be able to get myself to non-stop-running by then.
But I'm still excited to finally be able to do a 5k! The Color Run is honestly the most fun 5k I've seen, and seriously, the jealousy is strong with this one when I see my friends post pictures on facebook after doing it. I don't quite understand the jealousy, and let me say its not a "I hate that bitch" kind of jealousy, its just more of a way "Oooooooh, I wannnnnnnnaaaa! Me, Me, Me, when is it gonna be MY turn" kind of jealousy. lol Something about the idea of getting splashed with bright colors just seems like so much fun! Mike and I are also playing with the idea of signing up for this Hot Chocolate 5k later this year. What better motivator is there than knowing chocolate will be waiting for you when you are done?!?! Plus, it is timed, you must keep a certain pace to be able to complete it, which will be a great push to keep my going even after my 5k next month.
That's all for now, I guess its time to get ready for work!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Sick :(
I am fighting an upper respiratory infection right now. It was pretty strange to actually be able to sense it coming on step by step. Usually, you just wake up one morning sick out of nowhere. This time, I could feel the congestion in my nose, then it was the post nasal drip, then the sore throat, then the inability to breathe through my nose. Luckily, the OTC medication I got have been keeping it under control enough for me to go to work and still function. I do still feel wiped out, and am so incredibly happy to go to sleep when I have gotten home from my shifts. The thing that I dislike the most about it is I have no energy to run, and I hate it. I hate that I feel like its putting me off track of getting ready for my 5k next month. Once this cold passes, I really have to step it up.
I just have to get through today, and then I have tomorrow off. I am working a double again on Wednesday, but I'm not working Thursday, so I think it will be ok as long as this cold is gone by then. Luckily, the cold happened this weekend instead of next. As weird as it may seem, I'd rather be sick the weekend I have to work, rather than the one I have off so I can actually enjoy my time off. We are going to the Sausage Fest at Wrigleyvillle on Sunday for Father's Day, and I'm pretty excited about it. I wish we could go on Saturday, because I think the bands that are playing on Saturday are way better, but it will still be fun either way. I'm also happy we are gonna do something different for Dad's day than the typical cookout we have, we need to start switching things up a bit for the family GTGs.
I somewhat reluctantly went to weigh-in on Saturday. I was prepared to be told I gained, and was gonna ask for a new pass book since mine would be filled up, and it was gonna be like starting over! New book, clean slate. But I actually lost! It wasn't much, just 0.8 lbs, but still, after thinking I had gained a couple of pounds, I'll take it! So, I'm at 38 pounds lost now. I really would like to reach my next short term goal in two weeks, or reaching 50 in 2 weeks would be even better, but I know that is unrealistic, so I'll settle for reaching 45 in 2.
Speaking of 50 pounds, I have decided I am going to reward myself once I reach that amount of weight loss. I really haven't been rewarding myself along the way. Most of the time it has consisted of, "Woohoo, I lost big this week, I'm gonna enjoy this Venti White Mocha from Starbucks!". I have weeks where I lose a LOT of weight, and then I get off track because I think I have room to slack a little. Then it just turns into a week of slack. Luckily the running has kept me on track weight wise, but I know I can't out exercise a bad diet, it will catch up with me. So anyway, to use as something to motivate me besides food, I decided its time for a new Coach bag!
I'm not sure on what color I want, but I definitely want this one:
I like the color in the picture, but I also like the black on black one, and they have a light khaki once, too. I have a couple of wristlets that I have liked to use for trips downtown when I didn't want to bring my whole purse, but then its on my wrist, and it can get heavy. I have always wanted a crossbody swing pack, but unfortunately, due to my size, they never sat comfortably on me. The strap wasn't long enough, and they always sat a little bit under my boob. So, I was pretty happy when I happened to put one on the other day when we were out shopping that it sits lower by my waist now! So this is my treat to myself for reaching 50 pounds, and it is going to feel pretty good to be able to not have to fumble trying to keep my purse on my shoulder, or getting a sore wrist from cramming too much into my wristlets! Hardest part is going to be deciding on the color. I have 2 black Coach bags, and I have 2 grey Coach bags, and I have a khaki wristlet, so I can't decide easily just based on what I don't already have. The grey is what I'm leaning towards the most, because I love the other grey bags I have, I feel they go with more things than my black bag, but the khaki is not without its appeal! So, we'll have to see what I decide on!!
That is all for now, I have to muster up the energy to get ready for work, this whole being sick, but not being able to call out even though I'm in a position where I should not be at work when sick because I'm working with residents who are older and more vulnerable to illness, yet I would feel horrible for calling out because I think my boss would be upset with me because there is no one who could cover for me thing sucks. We help people get better, yet put ourselves through the exact opposite of what we preach. We go entire shifts without peeing, don't eat or drink during our shifts, or when we do, its on unhealthy stuff. We don't sleep enough because stress from work interferes. No wonder I am sick right now.
I just have to get through today, and then I have tomorrow off. I am working a double again on Wednesday, but I'm not working Thursday, so I think it will be ok as long as this cold is gone by then. Luckily, the cold happened this weekend instead of next. As weird as it may seem, I'd rather be sick the weekend I have to work, rather than the one I have off so I can actually enjoy my time off. We are going to the Sausage Fest at Wrigleyvillle on Sunday for Father's Day, and I'm pretty excited about it. I wish we could go on Saturday, because I think the bands that are playing on Saturday are way better, but it will still be fun either way. I'm also happy we are gonna do something different for Dad's day than the typical cookout we have, we need to start switching things up a bit for the family GTGs.
I somewhat reluctantly went to weigh-in on Saturday. I was prepared to be told I gained, and was gonna ask for a new pass book since mine would be filled up, and it was gonna be like starting over! New book, clean slate. But I actually lost! It wasn't much, just 0.8 lbs, but still, after thinking I had gained a couple of pounds, I'll take it! So, I'm at 38 pounds lost now. I really would like to reach my next short term goal in two weeks, or reaching 50 in 2 weeks would be even better, but I know that is unrealistic, so I'll settle for reaching 45 in 2.
Speaking of 50 pounds, I have decided I am going to reward myself once I reach that amount of weight loss. I really haven't been rewarding myself along the way. Most of the time it has consisted of, "Woohoo, I lost big this week, I'm gonna enjoy this Venti White Mocha from Starbucks!". I have weeks where I lose a LOT of weight, and then I get off track because I think I have room to slack a little. Then it just turns into a week of slack. Luckily the running has kept me on track weight wise, but I know I can't out exercise a bad diet, it will catch up with me. So anyway, to use as something to motivate me besides food, I decided its time for a new Coach bag!
I'm not sure on what color I want, but I definitely want this one:
That is all for now, I have to muster up the energy to get ready for work, this whole being sick, but not being able to call out even though I'm in a position where I should not be at work when sick because I'm working with residents who are older and more vulnerable to illness, yet I would feel horrible for calling out because I think my boss would be upset with me because there is no one who could cover for me thing sucks. We help people get better, yet put ourselves through the exact opposite of what we preach. We go entire shifts without peeing, don't eat or drink during our shifts, or when we do, its on unhealthy stuff. We don't sleep enough because stress from work interferes. No wonder I am sick right now.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Busy Week
I am pooped today. A coworker lost a loved one unexpectedly last weekend, so we all pitched in to cover her shifts because she needed to leave the country. I worked 2 shifts yesterday, then had to get up bright and early for another morning shift today. It resulted in a nearly 4 hour nap this afternoon when I got home. I wouldn't be opposed to working doubles in the future, but not all the time. It's exhausting.
Work has been frustrating this week for other reasons. I can't concern myself with making sure every single medication is in good supply for every resident, but if I know something is running low, I re-order it or call the pharmacy to make sure they are going to deliver it the next day. If someone doesn't get their multivitamin for one day, it isn't the end of the world. However, Coumadin and insulin must always be in supply. I had a shift where several residents had zero remaining pills for their Coumadin. All of our residents get their Coumadin in the evening, so by the time I see them, it's pretty much too late to get the pharmacy to deliver it to us before the residents go to bed, even on a rush order. It's frustrating. Not to say I never forget to reorder things, but when a bottle is empty, I don't just leave it and sleep like a babe that night. I am only responsible for what happens on my shift, but teamwork is crucial. I would have been happy with a note saying "hey, these people are out, I couldn't call to verify if they are being delivered", so I can call and fix things before I start my med pass so I can get it delivered in time. I was so upset with the situation, but I vented and moved on.
Nursing tells you a lot about human behavior, the good and the bad. The coworkers who help you, the ones who would happily let you drown. The residents/patients who are thankful for what you do for them, and the ones who think you are there simply to serve them. The great family members who are involved, the ones too-involved and bitch every time their loved one so much as sneezes, or the ones who are non-existent. The good experiences make up for all of the bad ones by far, but some of the bad ones just are hard to shake sometimes.
For example, one resident loves to point out my weight to me. I think they have trouble believing I'm married because obviously, fat girls are unable to land a man. Duh! I try to let their rude questioning get to me, but they went much farther this week. I have tried so hard to make a connection with this one, try to get them to talk, smile, laugh. I've been sweet as pie, yet I see they don't care about any of that. I'm just the fat nurse, and they point it out in such a rude way. And this is where I have to bite my tongue. I want to say, "yes, I'm fat, but I don't have back pain, I can go to the bathroom without 3-4 different medications lubing up my pipes, I don't need a walker or wheelchair. I can run, I can exercise, I don't need to take any pain medications. My heart is healthy, and I don't just sit in my chair all night waiting for time to pass me by. I can smile, I can laugh, I can enjoy life. I can be compassionate, and empathetic. I don't judge people and rudely point out their physical flaws. I'm an overall happy person, but you can't say the same, can you?"
I, of course, would never say that to this person, but I've never encountered someone who points out my weight on a regular basis like this as if they are trying to make me feel bad about myself. I am actually really insulted, but I don't let it affect my treatment of them. I just look blankly at them and change the subject the first chance I get. I just have to remember some people are just too unhappy with themselves and they need to project it on to someone else.
In happy times, our anniversary dinner was amazing! The restaurant we went to customized the menu, and took our photo for us and put it in a nice little holder. The food was so good, but it wasn't enough to replace Wildfire in my heart. But it was still such a wonderful dinner. I loved getting to have a full weekend off with my hubby. We aren't perfect, but we own up to our things, and try to comprise to make sure we both feel like we are winning.....well, most of the time, lol. We just went downtown to a museum, and spent time together. It was the best. :)
I also found a cute dress while we were out shopping at the Tommy Hilfiger outlet for 40% off that was an XL. It is a navy blue maxi dress with white stripes. I was beyond tickled pink. I realize it may see, trivial, like"woohoo, you are an extra- large, instead of extra-extra-large, fatty". But it just makes me feel good, and I'll celebrate if I want to! I also put our first anniversary picture next to this year's anniversary, and it was eye opening. You just don't realize how puffy, and uncomfortable you look until you lose weight and compare the before and afters. I am struggling a bit this week to stay on plan, but stress eating is a problem for me, and this week has been full of stress. :(
On a cute note, my little sister started her first job this week! She actually got a job at the bagel bakery I was a supervisor at until I moved up here. She'll be sticking her hand into the same 500 degree oven that I did to flip those bagels off the burlap sticks, and shoving boards of bagel dough into the same kettle that I did. I just think its cute, and I hope she enjoys it like I did! :)
Work has been frustrating this week for other reasons. I can't concern myself with making sure every single medication is in good supply for every resident, but if I know something is running low, I re-order it or call the pharmacy to make sure they are going to deliver it the next day. If someone doesn't get their multivitamin for one day, it isn't the end of the world. However, Coumadin and insulin must always be in supply. I had a shift where several residents had zero remaining pills for their Coumadin. All of our residents get their Coumadin in the evening, so by the time I see them, it's pretty much too late to get the pharmacy to deliver it to us before the residents go to bed, even on a rush order. It's frustrating. Not to say I never forget to reorder things, but when a bottle is empty, I don't just leave it and sleep like a babe that night. I am only responsible for what happens on my shift, but teamwork is crucial. I would have been happy with a note saying "hey, these people are out, I couldn't call to verify if they are being delivered", so I can call and fix things before I start my med pass so I can get it delivered in time. I was so upset with the situation, but I vented and moved on.
Nursing tells you a lot about human behavior, the good and the bad. The coworkers who help you, the ones who would happily let you drown. The residents/patients who are thankful for what you do for them, and the ones who think you are there simply to serve them. The great family members who are involved, the ones too-involved and bitch every time their loved one so much as sneezes, or the ones who are non-existent. The good experiences make up for all of the bad ones by far, but some of the bad ones just are hard to shake sometimes.
For example, one resident loves to point out my weight to me. I think they have trouble believing I'm married because obviously, fat girls are unable to land a man. Duh! I try to let their rude questioning get to me, but they went much farther this week. I have tried so hard to make a connection with this one, try to get them to talk, smile, laugh. I've been sweet as pie, yet I see they don't care about any of that. I'm just the fat nurse, and they point it out in such a rude way. And this is where I have to bite my tongue. I want to say, "yes, I'm fat, but I don't have back pain, I can go to the bathroom without 3-4 different medications lubing up my pipes, I don't need a walker or wheelchair. I can run, I can exercise, I don't need to take any pain medications. My heart is healthy, and I don't just sit in my chair all night waiting for time to pass me by. I can smile, I can laugh, I can enjoy life. I can be compassionate, and empathetic. I don't judge people and rudely point out their physical flaws. I'm an overall happy person, but you can't say the same, can you?"
I, of course, would never say that to this person, but I've never encountered someone who points out my weight on a regular basis like this as if they are trying to make me feel bad about myself. I am actually really insulted, but I don't let it affect my treatment of them. I just look blankly at them and change the subject the first chance I get. I just have to remember some people are just too unhappy with themselves and they need to project it on to someone else.
In happy times, our anniversary dinner was amazing! The restaurant we went to customized the menu, and took our photo for us and put it in a nice little holder. The food was so good, but it wasn't enough to replace Wildfire in my heart. But it was still such a wonderful dinner. I loved getting to have a full weekend off with my hubby. We aren't perfect, but we own up to our things, and try to comprise to make sure we both feel like we are winning.....well, most of the time, lol. We just went downtown to a museum, and spent time together. It was the best. :)
I also found a cute dress while we were out shopping at the Tommy Hilfiger outlet for 40% off that was an XL. It is a navy blue maxi dress with white stripes. I was beyond tickled pink. I realize it may see, trivial, like"woohoo, you are an extra- large, instead of extra-extra-large, fatty". But it just makes me feel good, and I'll celebrate if I want to! I also put our first anniversary picture next to this year's anniversary, and it was eye opening. You just don't realize how puffy, and uncomfortable you look until you lose weight and compare the before and afters. I am struggling a bit this week to stay on plan, but stress eating is a problem for me, and this week has been full of stress. :(
On a cute note, my little sister started her first job this week! She actually got a job at the bagel bakery I was a supervisor at until I moved up here. She'll be sticking her hand into the same 500 degree oven that I did to flip those bagels off the burlap sticks, and shoving boards of bagel dough into the same kettle that I did. I just think its cute, and I hope she enjoys it like I did! :)
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