I completed my first 5k! We left for Milwaukee on Saturday after I got done with work. We realized we picked up a nail in one of the tires after we picked up our race packets at Miller Park. So, it was a couple of hours of stress trying to get a tire place that wasn't closed already to get it fixed. Plus it was cold, and I was starting to feel stressed because what if it rained for the run?!? Luckily, there was a mall by the tire place we got to, so I distressed with a white mocha while I got a mani/pedi to repair the snaggle toe I got from accidentally ramming my flip-flopped foot into Mike's sturdy, steel-toed Doc Martens.
We got my nails fixed, we got the tire fixed, and met up with my friend and her husband back at the hotel when they finally arrived! We went out to dinner at Cooper's Hawk, and Passion fruit sangria is a newly acquired friend of mine! We stayed up really late drinking in our hotel room and playing Candy Crush on my iPad. (Yes, I gave in, and sprinkled donut candy on sprinkled donut candy does amazing things we learned!)
This was not the best recipe for preparing for the 5k, I was exhausted the next day. Running outside is completely different from running on a treadmill. There's no clock to tell you how long you've running, or to tell you how many miles you ran or how many you have left. There are impossible inclines. I am dependent on the little timer, I can look at it and say "Ok, I have 2 minutes left in this run interval, I can do this!" It also was harder to gauge how fast was too fast to prevent tiring out too soon. So, I started picking landmarks, like the port-a-potties, or the curves in the route that I would either run until I reached, or start running again once I got to that point. I tried to run as much as I could, but the inhalation of colored corn starch or whatever that stuff is, put a damper on my ability to breathe, especially while running. So, I resolved to run as much as I felt that I could, and just have fun. The segment of the route where you are passing people on your left and you could high five people on the other side was the most energizing for me. I gave lots of high fives as I ran, and they kept me going.
My friend and her husband finished before us, so they were waiting for us as we approached the finished line, and were cheering us on. It made me smile. We admired each other's blue teeth, and blue spit as we tried to clear our mouth of the blue coating. The blue color station was super heavy on the dust. Blue snot, blue spit, blue teeth....it was quite attractive only if you were trying to attract a smurf. Luckily, we were able to get out of there pretty quickly and get back to the hotel to shower up. It took forever to scrub off that blue! I'm still stained a bit in certain places.
We went to eat at this place called the Safe House in downtown Milwaukee. I'm not going to discuss much because its a secret, but it was definitely a good time. :)
We were completely pooped by the time we got on the road. I managed to not fall asleep because I was engrossed in my book, Orange is the New Black. We started watching the series on Netflix, and when I found out it was a book, I had to read it. I started it on the way up to Milwaukee, and finished it this morning. It was a really good book, and I was really thankful actually to realize some of the drama on the show was not how things really went down in the book. I still want to watch the show because they have done a good job of creating an interesting storyline and characters out of bit and pieces of the book. I highly recommend both the book, and the show.
Let me get back to the 5k. There were a lot of people just walking, some running, some doing a mix like me. I want to do this 5k again next year when it comes to Chicago, I do. I want to be able to run the whole thing. I was disappointed in myself a bit that I didn't run more. I wasn't running faster. But then, I had to remember, I was still going to finish sooner than the people who walked the entire way. I also have my next 5k to look forward to that is timed, so I have to keep working. I so wanted to be able to run like so many people I saw who made the running look like it was easy and effortless. It's going to take some time, I may not even be at that point by November for the Hot Chocolate 5k. But I want to get there hopefully by next summer.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Back on the Bandwagon
I've had some ups and downs lately. When I've gotten really stressed out, it sends me down to a really low place, and then when I try to get out of it, its difficult. I feel stuck. But then, good things happen, and I feel happy again. I've been beating myself up pretty bad over not running, not being ready for my 5K next weekend, not staying on plan with Weight Watchers, not being better at my job, not being able to kick my anxiety about work or old family problems. I am my own worst enemy a lot of the times because I can't stop my anxiety. But it just turns into a downward spiral, because if I'm not doing something really well, I just don't do it at all. So nothing gets better. No growth. No improvement. And I get even more disappointed in myself, and the cycle continues.
So many good things happen, but they get overshadowed by all the bad so easily. We went to see Beyoncé on Wednesday, and it was amazing! I had an absolute awesome time. But then the next day, I was a ball of anxiety before work, and sure enough, it was a night from hell. I was nearly an hour behind in my med pass because of thing completely unavoidable or within my power to control, and then of course, my coworker knew I was drowning, and still made it clear she wasn't going to help me. I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m. that night.
I get so worked up, and I have a really hard time getting out of the stress frenzy I've gotten myself into. Luckily at work I can put it aside and just get my work done, but if I'm at home, I just can't. I can't function when this happens at all. So, I decided enough was enough, and I made an appointment with a therapist for this coming week. I'm nervous about it, but I have to start somewhere. My anxiety can not control my life this much. It just can't.
The Color Run is next weekend, and due to being sick and getting the sunburn from hell that make running impossible for 3 weeks, I'm not at all where I thought I would be. I feel like I'm letting my friend down who is running it with me, I'm letting Mike down, I'm letting myself down. So again, if I'm not excelling at something, I don't want to do it at all, so I had a really hard time getting back into running. But I forced myself to go yesterday afternoon, and didn't use my Couch to 5k app, I just set the treadmill on the 5K loop, and just did it myself. I ran 4 minutes, then walked 4 minutes. I even got up to 6 minutes towards the end when I was getting really close to finishing. I'm sore today, but I was really happy with myself that I got through the entire 5k, even if I was on the slow side. I did it. So I'll keep working on it this week, but I want to just focus on having fun at the Color Run, because its more about getting splashed with colors than finishing 1st. Plus, being in Milwaukee is always a good time!
We also signed up for the Hot Chocolate 5k in November. This one is timed, but the limit is a 15 minute mile, so, its totally doable! Plus, you get this awesome little cup that holds a cup of hot chocolate and has space for goodies all around it. I'm completely motivated by the chocolate at the end, not going to lie. But, I wanted to sign up for it because it will help keep me motivated to keep going even after next weekend is over. The next on my list is the Shamrock Shuffle, if it works out with my schedule, I'd like to do that one, too, but its an 8K, so again, it would keep me motivated to keep working and only getting better.
Then last night, we went out to check out this band According to Sarah that I discovered while looking into who was playing at the Sausage Fest we went to. They cover alternative rock songs from the 90s, and they are really good! They were playing at the Blues Bar in Mt. Prospect. We had a good time, good food, good drinks. I seriously think Pulled Pork Nachos are my new favorite food. So of course, today then is my weigh in day, and I weighed myself on the Wii to see if I even wanted to bother getting weighed in at WW. I started to regret the nachos, and all the delicious drinks, and the brownie sundae we split last night. But!! I was down enough that I figured WW would at the minimum at least show I had maintained my weight, despite my skipping weigh-in the last 2 weeks.
I lost 0.4 pounds, which is a sad showing in my opinion, but at least its not a gain. And I ate like a pig this week, and only worked out once. I'm 0.2 lbs away from my 15% loss goal, and 5.2 lbs away from 50 lbs lost. So, I have to be good this week. I'm getting back on the bandwagon. I'm going to track my food, I'm going to work out at least 4 times this week. I so want to reach these milestones and get out of the slump I've been in.
I was going to go run today before work, but my hips are sore from my run yesterday, so the activity I get at work pushing around the big med carts will have to cut it for today! I've tracked everything I've eaten today, and what I have packed for my dinner tonight. So, I'm praying my coworkers don't bring in any chocolates or sweets for me to be tempted by if I get stressed out tonight!!
Well, I have to start getting ready for work now, and prepare myself for whatever hell it decides to throw my way!!
So many good things happen, but they get overshadowed by all the bad so easily. We went to see Beyoncé on Wednesday, and it was amazing! I had an absolute awesome time. But then the next day, I was a ball of anxiety before work, and sure enough, it was a night from hell. I was nearly an hour behind in my med pass because of thing completely unavoidable or within my power to control, and then of course, my coworker knew I was drowning, and still made it clear she wasn't going to help me. I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m. that night.
I get so worked up, and I have a really hard time getting out of the stress frenzy I've gotten myself into. Luckily at work I can put it aside and just get my work done, but if I'm at home, I just can't. I can't function when this happens at all. So, I decided enough was enough, and I made an appointment with a therapist for this coming week. I'm nervous about it, but I have to start somewhere. My anxiety can not control my life this much. It just can't.
The Color Run is next weekend, and due to being sick and getting the sunburn from hell that make running impossible for 3 weeks, I'm not at all where I thought I would be. I feel like I'm letting my friend down who is running it with me, I'm letting Mike down, I'm letting myself down. So again, if I'm not excelling at something, I don't want to do it at all, so I had a really hard time getting back into running. But I forced myself to go yesterday afternoon, and didn't use my Couch to 5k app, I just set the treadmill on the 5K loop, and just did it myself. I ran 4 minutes, then walked 4 minutes. I even got up to 6 minutes towards the end when I was getting really close to finishing. I'm sore today, but I was really happy with myself that I got through the entire 5k, even if I was on the slow side. I did it. So I'll keep working on it this week, but I want to just focus on having fun at the Color Run, because its more about getting splashed with colors than finishing 1st. Plus, being in Milwaukee is always a good time!
We also signed up for the Hot Chocolate 5k in November. This one is timed, but the limit is a 15 minute mile, so, its totally doable! Plus, you get this awesome little cup that holds a cup of hot chocolate and has space for goodies all around it. I'm completely motivated by the chocolate at the end, not going to lie. But, I wanted to sign up for it because it will help keep me motivated to keep going even after next weekend is over. The next on my list is the Shamrock Shuffle, if it works out with my schedule, I'd like to do that one, too, but its an 8K, so again, it would keep me motivated to keep working and only getting better.
Then last night, we went out to check out this band According to Sarah that I discovered while looking into who was playing at the Sausage Fest we went to. They cover alternative rock songs from the 90s, and they are really good! They were playing at the Blues Bar in Mt. Prospect. We had a good time, good food, good drinks. I seriously think Pulled Pork Nachos are my new favorite food. So of course, today then is my weigh in day, and I weighed myself on the Wii to see if I even wanted to bother getting weighed in at WW. I started to regret the nachos, and all the delicious drinks, and the brownie sundae we split last night. But!! I was down enough that I figured WW would at the minimum at least show I had maintained my weight, despite my skipping weigh-in the last 2 weeks.
I lost 0.4 pounds, which is a sad showing in my opinion, but at least its not a gain. And I ate like a pig this week, and only worked out once. I'm 0.2 lbs away from my 15% loss goal, and 5.2 lbs away from 50 lbs lost. So, I have to be good this week. I'm getting back on the bandwagon. I'm going to track my food, I'm going to work out at least 4 times this week. I so want to reach these milestones and get out of the slump I've been in.
I was going to go run today before work, but my hips are sore from my run yesterday, so the activity I get at work pushing around the big med carts will have to cut it for today! I've tracked everything I've eaten today, and what I have packed for my dinner tonight. So, I'm praying my coworkers don't bring in any chocolates or sweets for me to be tempted by if I get stressed out tonight!!
Well, I have to start getting ready for work now, and prepare myself for whatever hell it decides to throw my way!!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Nursing and Bullying
I have always known about the whole "nurses eat their young" type of thing. I guess I just never really thought about what I would do if it happened to me. It isn't fun to experience. I'm confident that there are nurses out there with a far worse situation with mine when it comes to this department, but regardless, it is terrifying. I have to be so careful to cover my butt, cross my Ts and dot my Is, because I don't know when someone will decide to use it against me. I'm afraid to ask questions for fear of the snapping response, or the look of "are you really that stupid?". Luckily, its not all of the nurses I work with, and my boss seems to like me. So, I'm just going to try my best to power through it. I just hope I am never like this to new nurses coming on after me. I hope I am always supportive, answering the "stupid questions" without making them feel stupid. I feel like I have done this with the other nurse who came on after me, and I hope she feels I've been helpful to her. I really do.
This job is hard enough already, I find it sad that not every nurse is compassionate. This job is more than just a "job" to clock in and clock out and collect your paycheck. You need to have a heart, you need to have patience, you need to be able to empathize with people. But there are unfortunately some nurses who don't hold all of these values, and it is my opinion that its just a "job" to them, not a passion. For me, if this were just about the paycheck, I'd not be doing this. It is too stressful for what I make. I do it because I care, and love caring for and helping others. I almost passed out when I realized one of my favorites was in the hospital because I was afraid she had suffered a heart attack, luckily it was just some colon issues. My residents are "my people", even the ones who can be PITAs, I still care about them all, and my heart would hurt if I were to ever leave for another job, or god forbid the inevitable happens and one of them passes away. They aren't my family, not my blood, but I would feel pain regardless.
So, while I may not have all of the knowledge I need yet for this job, like how to order a wheelchair, I do believe I have the most important part down perfectly. My heart is in this job. My heart is with all of my residents. As long as I am doing what is best for them, everything else is just paperwork. So, if bullies want to bully, go for it. As long as my boss sees I am doing a good job, and my residents feel safe and see I really care about them, nothing else matters.
We got new med carts this week. Previously, all the meds were set up in the residents' rooms in a locked drawer. The locks on them are starting to fail, and become impossible to open without begging and pleading. But, if a resident all of a sudden wanted a Tylenol or a tums, you could quickly grab it for them and move on. Now, everyone's meds are in a locked cart on wheels. For me, I have 2 carts for 4 hallways of residents I take care of. I was super dreading it after how much of a nightmare it was when I was working Monday and we were still trying to set them up. But my shift last night wasn't horrible. I made a game plan so that I could maximize my time in each hallway. It's not perfect yet, but I'm sure it will get better with time.
Pros: all meds in one place makes ordering and putting meds away easier. Don't have to fight with old med drawer locks. Narcotics can stay locked until the very moment I need to use them, and don't have to run back and grab them if I forgot to pull them. I can get meds ready before I even walk into a residents room.
Cons: med pass takes longer no matter how fast you are because each med is now separated instead of grouped together by time. (The resident with 11 meds takes forever!!) Narcotic count takes longer because they are spread out over 5 places now instead of 2. They are not as easy to lock as they should be. I spend less time with my residents because I can't talk to them while I'm getting their meds ready like I used to. I worry about being able to move the med cart through the middle common area during activities, as walkers and wheelchairs take up a lot of space. It takes a lot longer to find the PRN meds you need because they are in labeled storage bags in the bottom.
I'm sure there will be more. I'm not as upset about them as I felt I would be. It is just going to take some adjustments and fine tuning my routine at night to to minimize wasted time. Figuring out who I can simply pull real quick from the cart instead of having to move the whole thing I'm sure will help. And once they are completely set up, I won't have to remember who still has stuff in their room and who doesn't. It will get better, and I don't feel like I'm doomed from ever getting done on time again. And really. It's good because it forces you to really pay attention to the meds, instead of blindly trusting that everything that was in the packets is right. I do think it will really suck when we move to eMARs in the future, because I will not be able to be on time with my meds, I see too many residents, and they aren't always in their room at the same times, and we can't do meds at activities or meals. That will be a nightmare, I'm sure of it. But that's not until 2014, thank goodness.
This next week is going to be good/bad. A coworker is on vacation, so I'm working a couple of extra shifts, with tomorrow being the worst because I have to work a double. But the Beyonce concert is Wednesday!! And we are gonna go check out a band on Friday. So there is some fun to be had, its just an insanely busy week, but it will give me more time to get used to the med carts, so it will have its perks. We are also going to dinner with Mom and Dad-in-law to celebrate Mom B.'s birthday tonight, and I'm looking forward to it. :).
In other news, I ordered my new Erin Condren Life Planner over a month ago, and I still don't have it in my hands. Last year was the first time I ordered from them, and was unaware of how long it took to receive the item because of how swamped they got at this time. So once I finally received it, it was missing one of the things I was looking forward to the most, and I was upset. But they'd iced it, gave me a $25 gift card for my troubles, and I'm still in love a year later. This is highly unusual for meas I tend to jump ship and start using a different planner after 4-6 months. This one has kept me hooked all year. Plus the personalization makes my heart happy.
So, this year, I had no doubts about ordering again. I made sure to start it in August instead of Jky because I knew how anxious I would get the closer it got to July with no Planner in my hands. I picked a really cute design, and picked my own colors. And I still had the $25 gift card Nd the $10 coupon I got with my first order, so it was way cheaper for me this year. I waited pretty patiently, I knew it would take a while. However, once it did finally arrive, I was missing half of September, and they didn't use the fonts for my name that I thought they would, and the coil was super rough. I emailed immediately, and didn't think anything of it because emailing worked wonders for me last year. This year, not so much. They person handling my case completely brushed off my concerns about the fonts, and then when I responded to show the example from their site, he told me it was too late and they couldn't help me.
This was the point that I became livid. I called instead and the person I got on the phone was not customer service material, and that only made it worse. I finally got a manager who totally took care of everything, and sent me a screen shot of what was going to be printed for me, and my excitement returned. However, it still got screwed up despite this, and I was back to livid. I had to call again, and complain, and the new one is in production now, but I'm really disappointed in this Company at this point. A quick glance at their Facebook page will show I'm not the only one experiencing major headaches trying to get their product. I love my Life Planner, but I can't in good conscience recommend it to others without warning them about the long wait and the possibility for errors, especially given the fact that I've yet to place an order with them that didn't arrive flawed in some way. I will probably order again, just because of how much this planner works for me, but that warm and fuzzy feeling I once had is gone. I've checked out other companies that make personalized planners, and none of them appealed that much to me, but its nice to know there are other options out there if need be.
I have also officially been a nurse for a year, and will have been a license holding nurse for a year on the 23rd. This past year has really flown by so much faster than I thought it would. 6 months in my job has gone by faster than I thought it would. Another 6 months, and I'm no longer a new graduate!! I'll be an experienced nurse!! It's exciting to think about. I'm also torn about what to do after I've reached the year mark. I could get a hospital job more easily, get a full time position instead of part time, get a higher salary. But that would mean saying goodbye to my residents. Taking on another job where I'll feel completely stupid all over again for another year. Playing another game of coworker lottery. I don't hate my job, but I'm not using the full capabilities of my training and knowledge. I could have just done the LPN program for what I am doing now, basically. It's not my dream to just push pills for 8 hours. So, I have more time to think about it, but its not going to be an easy decision at all.
This job is hard enough already, I find it sad that not every nurse is compassionate. This job is more than just a "job" to clock in and clock out and collect your paycheck. You need to have a heart, you need to have patience, you need to be able to empathize with people. But there are unfortunately some nurses who don't hold all of these values, and it is my opinion that its just a "job" to them, not a passion. For me, if this were just about the paycheck, I'd not be doing this. It is too stressful for what I make. I do it because I care, and love caring for and helping others. I almost passed out when I realized one of my favorites was in the hospital because I was afraid she had suffered a heart attack, luckily it was just some colon issues. My residents are "my people", even the ones who can be PITAs, I still care about them all, and my heart would hurt if I were to ever leave for another job, or god forbid the inevitable happens and one of them passes away. They aren't my family, not my blood, but I would feel pain regardless.
So, while I may not have all of the knowledge I need yet for this job, like how to order a wheelchair, I do believe I have the most important part down perfectly. My heart is in this job. My heart is with all of my residents. As long as I am doing what is best for them, everything else is just paperwork. So, if bullies want to bully, go for it. As long as my boss sees I am doing a good job, and my residents feel safe and see I really care about them, nothing else matters.
We got new med carts this week. Previously, all the meds were set up in the residents' rooms in a locked drawer. The locks on them are starting to fail, and become impossible to open without begging and pleading. But, if a resident all of a sudden wanted a Tylenol or a tums, you could quickly grab it for them and move on. Now, everyone's meds are in a locked cart on wheels. For me, I have 2 carts for 4 hallways of residents I take care of. I was super dreading it after how much of a nightmare it was when I was working Monday and we were still trying to set them up. But my shift last night wasn't horrible. I made a game plan so that I could maximize my time in each hallway. It's not perfect yet, but I'm sure it will get better with time.
Pros: all meds in one place makes ordering and putting meds away easier. Don't have to fight with old med drawer locks. Narcotics can stay locked until the very moment I need to use them, and don't have to run back and grab them if I forgot to pull them. I can get meds ready before I even walk into a residents room.
Cons: med pass takes longer no matter how fast you are because each med is now separated instead of grouped together by time. (The resident with 11 meds takes forever!!) Narcotic count takes longer because they are spread out over 5 places now instead of 2. They are not as easy to lock as they should be. I spend less time with my residents because I can't talk to them while I'm getting their meds ready like I used to. I worry about being able to move the med cart through the middle common area during activities, as walkers and wheelchairs take up a lot of space. It takes a lot longer to find the PRN meds you need because they are in labeled storage bags in the bottom.
I'm sure there will be more. I'm not as upset about them as I felt I would be. It is just going to take some adjustments and fine tuning my routine at night to to minimize wasted time. Figuring out who I can simply pull real quick from the cart instead of having to move the whole thing I'm sure will help. And once they are completely set up, I won't have to remember who still has stuff in their room and who doesn't. It will get better, and I don't feel like I'm doomed from ever getting done on time again. And really. It's good because it forces you to really pay attention to the meds, instead of blindly trusting that everything that was in the packets is right. I do think it will really suck when we move to eMARs in the future, because I will not be able to be on time with my meds, I see too many residents, and they aren't always in their room at the same times, and we can't do meds at activities or meals. That will be a nightmare, I'm sure of it. But that's not until 2014, thank goodness.
This next week is going to be good/bad. A coworker is on vacation, so I'm working a couple of extra shifts, with tomorrow being the worst because I have to work a double. But the Beyonce concert is Wednesday!! And we are gonna go check out a band on Friday. So there is some fun to be had, its just an insanely busy week, but it will give me more time to get used to the med carts, so it will have its perks. We are also going to dinner with Mom and Dad-in-law to celebrate Mom B.'s birthday tonight, and I'm looking forward to it. :).
In other news, I ordered my new Erin Condren Life Planner over a month ago, and I still don't have it in my hands. Last year was the first time I ordered from them, and was unaware of how long it took to receive the item because of how swamped they got at this time. So once I finally received it, it was missing one of the things I was looking forward to the most, and I was upset. But they'd iced it, gave me a $25 gift card for my troubles, and I'm still in love a year later. This is highly unusual for meas I tend to jump ship and start using a different planner after 4-6 months. This one has kept me hooked all year. Plus the personalization makes my heart happy.
So, this year, I had no doubts about ordering again. I made sure to start it in August instead of Jky because I knew how anxious I would get the closer it got to July with no Planner in my hands. I picked a really cute design, and picked my own colors. And I still had the $25 gift card Nd the $10 coupon I got with my first order, so it was way cheaper for me this year. I waited pretty patiently, I knew it would take a while. However, once it did finally arrive, I was missing half of September, and they didn't use the fonts for my name that I thought they would, and the coil was super rough. I emailed immediately, and didn't think anything of it because emailing worked wonders for me last year. This year, not so much. They person handling my case completely brushed off my concerns about the fonts, and then when I responded to show the example from their site, he told me it was too late and they couldn't help me.
This was the point that I became livid. I called instead and the person I got on the phone was not customer service material, and that only made it worse. I finally got a manager who totally took care of everything, and sent me a screen shot of what was going to be printed for me, and my excitement returned. However, it still got screwed up despite this, and I was back to livid. I had to call again, and complain, and the new one is in production now, but I'm really disappointed in this Company at this point. A quick glance at their Facebook page will show I'm not the only one experiencing major headaches trying to get their product. I love my Life Planner, but I can't in good conscience recommend it to others without warning them about the long wait and the possibility for errors, especially given the fact that I've yet to place an order with them that didn't arrive flawed in some way. I will probably order again, just because of how much this planner works for me, but that warm and fuzzy feeling I once had is gone. I've checked out other companies that make personalized planners, and none of them appealed that much to me, but its nice to know there are other options out there if need be.
I have also officially been a nurse for a year, and will have been a license holding nurse for a year on the 23rd. This past year has really flown by so much faster than I thought it would. 6 months in my job has gone by faster than I thought it would. Another 6 months, and I'm no longer a new graduate!! I'll be an experienced nurse!! It's exciting to think about. I'm also torn about what to do after I've reached the year mark. I could get a hospital job more easily, get a full time position instead of part time, get a higher salary. But that would mean saying goodbye to my residents. Taking on another job where I'll feel completely stupid all over again for another year. Playing another game of coworker lottery. I don't hate my job, but I'm not using the full capabilities of my training and knowledge. I could have just done the LPN program for what I am doing now, basically. It's not my dream to just push pills for 8 hours. So, I have more time to think about it, but its not going to be an easy decision at all.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
All Smiles
I feel like my fog of funk has lifted. I was just feeling so disappointed in myself last week, and was seeing only what was going wrong, and it just was a low place to be. But, I did what I do best, put on a brave face and just kept on swimming. Sometimes, you just have to own your mistakes and stop beating yourself up over them. You just have to suck it up and stop sucking at life so much. It doesn't do you any good to focus so much on the negative, you just need to focus on taking action.
So, in the weight loss department. I had been sucking at it. I wasn't going to the gym for a series of reasons. I'd been eating (or drinking) more than I should, and justifying it due to stress. I wanted so bad to skip my weigh in on Saturday. I HATE weighing in and having a gain. I'd rather not go than have it documented on paper that I gained. But I decided to weigh myself at home Saturday morning, and realized that maybe I hadn't eaten as much as I thought, because I had actually lost weight according to my WiiFit scale. I decided I'd go weigh in. And sure enough, I had lost 4.4 pounds, making a total of 44.4 lost. I'm a fraction of a pound away from my 15 % goal. I'm only 6+ pounds away from 50 pounds lost.
It is so motivating to be this close to a goal. Short term goals are definitely so important to me as I travel this journey. If I focused on the larger picture in terms of pounds I want to lose, it would seem so impossible. Focusing on my weight 15 pounds at a time has been the key to keeping going. It is so easy to give up, just telling yourself that its ok to not lose the weight. Its not like I'd be alone in my giving up. But I don't want to be like everyone else who gave up, I want to be healthier. So, 15 pounds at a time it is. And it is working.
I also finally got back to the gym today. I had a headache, but I went anyway. I decided since I hadn't gone running in a while I'd start with my 1.5-2.5 minute run. I got through that ok. I had set the treadmill for 40 minutes just because, and I had over 4 minutes left to go, and I decided to try to run the rest of my time. And I did it. :) I am so ready to get back on track. The Color Run is in a few weeks, and I had accepted that running the whole thing may not be possible, but I want to try to get up to as much straight running time as I can. I am still anxious about it, but so incredibly excited at the same time. I just booked our rooms the other day, and luckily the hotel will let us check out late so we can shower off the pretty colors and get ready to go celebrate finishing the run (and my friend's hubby's birthday) before we have to go back home.
So, yeah....I have kicked myself into gear and its feelings really good.
The stress at work is still there, but it is fading. I had a late night at work yesterday because of an admission who arrived late in the evening, and some other situations I had to handle. But I got through my night ok, and I didn't stress as much about leaving late because my boss already knew I was getting dealt a crazy night. I hope to have a smoother night tomorrow. :)
Oh, and what really helped me was planning Mike's birthday. I was so stressed last year because I took my NCLEX right before his birthday, and I just was so overwhelmed that I kind of slacked a bit on the birthday front. So, this year I made sure to do it right. :) I made reservations for dinner at Lincoln Whiskey Kitchen, and secretly invited his parents, and told him nothing. I decided to go with the "whiskey" theme, and had a cake made with the Jack Daniel's label. My friend was able to photoshop the picture for me so instead of "Old No. 7" it said "Old No. 31". And Jarosch Bakery made it amazing! I went with chocolate and canolli filling, and it was super delicious! Dinner was amazing too, we are definitely going back! On Sunday, I took him to the new Rivers Casino, and had a lot of fun feeling like we were back in Vegas. :) I was really kind of upset that I had to work on his actual birthday, this is the first year I wouldn't see him. But the birthday boy ended up being sick, so we got to spend the morning together after all. It made me feel so happy that he loved everything I did, and he loved his cake, and his presents. Happy Hubby makes Happy Wife. It also served as a perfect distraction from my fog of funk.
And more smiles are added because we have fun plans for the 4th of July. I haven't gone downtown for the fireworks at all in the 8 years I have lived here. We have been confined to going to the fireworks at Mount Prospect because that is where Mike's family always goes, but I really wanted to do something different this year. So we are having some friends over to do some grilling, and then we are all heading downtown to see the show! I am so incredibly excited about this, despite the guaranteed desire to punch someone as we fight our way through the crowds. I don't even care. I miss the fireworks they have in Nashville, where it is all synced with music....and they do the same thing at Navy Pier!! I am so excited....so so so so so excited!!
AND, only 2 more weeks until BEYONCE!!!! I am so excited to see her!! It is going to be a great show. It'll help me get over my heartache over not getting picked for Jack Johnson's ticket lottery. I can't wait! :)
So yes, all smiles here!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
So, in the weight loss department. I had been sucking at it. I wasn't going to the gym for a series of reasons. I'd been eating (or drinking) more than I should, and justifying it due to stress. I wanted so bad to skip my weigh in on Saturday. I HATE weighing in and having a gain. I'd rather not go than have it documented on paper that I gained. But I decided to weigh myself at home Saturday morning, and realized that maybe I hadn't eaten as much as I thought, because I had actually lost weight according to my WiiFit scale. I decided I'd go weigh in. And sure enough, I had lost 4.4 pounds, making a total of 44.4 lost. I'm a fraction of a pound away from my 15 % goal. I'm only 6+ pounds away from 50 pounds lost.
It is so motivating to be this close to a goal. Short term goals are definitely so important to me as I travel this journey. If I focused on the larger picture in terms of pounds I want to lose, it would seem so impossible. Focusing on my weight 15 pounds at a time has been the key to keeping going. It is so easy to give up, just telling yourself that its ok to not lose the weight. Its not like I'd be alone in my giving up. But I don't want to be like everyone else who gave up, I want to be healthier. So, 15 pounds at a time it is. And it is working.
I also finally got back to the gym today. I had a headache, but I went anyway. I decided since I hadn't gone running in a while I'd start with my 1.5-2.5 minute run. I got through that ok. I had set the treadmill for 40 minutes just because, and I had over 4 minutes left to go, and I decided to try to run the rest of my time. And I did it. :) I am so ready to get back on track. The Color Run is in a few weeks, and I had accepted that running the whole thing may not be possible, but I want to try to get up to as much straight running time as I can. I am still anxious about it, but so incredibly excited at the same time. I just booked our rooms the other day, and luckily the hotel will let us check out late so we can shower off the pretty colors and get ready to go celebrate finishing the run (and my friend's hubby's birthday) before we have to go back home.
So, yeah....I have kicked myself into gear and its feelings really good.
The stress at work is still there, but it is fading. I had a late night at work yesterday because of an admission who arrived late in the evening, and some other situations I had to handle. But I got through my night ok, and I didn't stress as much about leaving late because my boss already knew I was getting dealt a crazy night. I hope to have a smoother night tomorrow. :)
Oh, and what really helped me was planning Mike's birthday. I was so stressed last year because I took my NCLEX right before his birthday, and I just was so overwhelmed that I kind of slacked a bit on the birthday front. So, this year I made sure to do it right. :) I made reservations for dinner at Lincoln Whiskey Kitchen, and secretly invited his parents, and told him nothing. I decided to go with the "whiskey" theme, and had a cake made with the Jack Daniel's label. My friend was able to photoshop the picture for me so instead of "Old No. 7" it said "Old No. 31". And Jarosch Bakery made it amazing! I went with chocolate and canolli filling, and it was super delicious! Dinner was amazing too, we are definitely going back! On Sunday, I took him to the new Rivers Casino, and had a lot of fun feeling like we were back in Vegas. :) I was really kind of upset that I had to work on his actual birthday, this is the first year I wouldn't see him. But the birthday boy ended up being sick, so we got to spend the morning together after all. It made me feel so happy that he loved everything I did, and he loved his cake, and his presents. Happy Hubby makes Happy Wife. It also served as a perfect distraction from my fog of funk.
And more smiles are added because we have fun plans for the 4th of July. I haven't gone downtown for the fireworks at all in the 8 years I have lived here. We have been confined to going to the fireworks at Mount Prospect because that is where Mike's family always goes, but I really wanted to do something different this year. So we are having some friends over to do some grilling, and then we are all heading downtown to see the show! I am so incredibly excited about this, despite the guaranteed desire to punch someone as we fight our way through the crowds. I don't even care. I miss the fireworks they have in Nashville, where it is all synced with music....and they do the same thing at Navy Pier!! I am so excited....so so so so so excited!!
AND, only 2 more weeks until BEYONCE!!!! I am so excited to see her!! It is going to be a great show. It'll help me get over my heartache over not getting picked for Jack Johnson's ticket lottery. I can't wait! :)
So yes, all smiles here!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)