I have always known about the whole "nurses eat their young" type of thing. I guess I just never really thought about what I would do if it happened to me. It isn't fun to experience. I'm confident that there are nurses out there with a far worse situation with mine when it comes to this department, but regardless, it is terrifying. I have to be so careful to cover my butt, cross my Ts and dot my Is, because I don't know when someone will decide to use it against me. I'm afraid to ask questions for fear of the snapping response, or the look of "are you really that stupid?". Luckily, its not all of the nurses I work with, and my boss seems to like me. So, I'm just going to try my best to power through it. I just hope I am never like this to new nurses coming on after me. I hope I am always supportive, answering the "stupid questions" without making them feel stupid. I feel like I have done this with the other nurse who came on after me, and I hope she feels I've been helpful to her. I really do.
This job is hard enough already, I find it sad that not every nurse is compassionate. This job is more than just a "job" to clock in and clock out and collect your paycheck. You need to have a heart, you need to have patience, you need to be able to empathize with people. But there are unfortunately some nurses who don't hold all of these values, and it is my opinion that its just a "job" to them, not a passion. For me, if this were just about the paycheck, I'd not be doing this. It is too stressful for what I make. I do it because I care, and love caring for and helping others. I almost passed out when I realized one of my favorites was in the hospital because I was afraid she had suffered a heart attack, luckily it was just some colon issues. My residents are "my people", even the ones who can be PITAs, I still care about them all, and my heart would hurt if I were to ever leave for another job, or god forbid the inevitable happens and one of them passes away. They aren't my family, not my blood, but I would feel pain regardless.
So, while I may not have all of the knowledge I need yet for this job, like how to order a wheelchair, I do believe I have the most important part down perfectly. My heart is in this job. My heart is with all of my residents. As long as I am doing what is best for them, everything else is just paperwork. So, if bullies want to bully, go for it. As long as my boss sees I am doing a good job, and my residents feel safe and see I really care about them, nothing else matters.
We got new med carts this week. Previously, all the meds were set up in the residents' rooms in a locked drawer. The locks on them are starting to fail, and become impossible to open without begging and pleading. But, if a resident all of a sudden wanted a Tylenol or a tums, you could quickly grab it for them and move on. Now, everyone's meds are in a locked cart on wheels. For me, I have 2 carts for 4 hallways of residents I take care of. I was super dreading it after how much of a nightmare it was when I was working Monday and we were still trying to set them up. But my shift last night wasn't horrible. I made a game plan so that I could maximize my time in each hallway. It's not perfect yet, but I'm sure it will get better with time.
Pros: all meds in one place makes ordering and putting meds away easier. Don't have to fight with old med drawer locks. Narcotics can stay locked until the very moment I need to use them, and don't have to run back and grab them if I forgot to pull them. I can get meds ready before I even walk into a residents room.
Cons: med pass takes longer no matter how fast you are because each med is now separated instead of grouped together by time. (The resident with 11 meds takes forever!!) Narcotic count takes longer because they are spread out over 5 places now instead of 2. They are not as easy to lock as they should be. I spend less time with my residents because I can't talk to them while I'm getting their meds ready like I used to. I worry about being able to move the med cart through the middle common area during activities, as walkers and wheelchairs take up a lot of space. It takes a lot longer to find the PRN meds you need because they are in labeled storage bags in the bottom.
I'm sure there will be more. I'm not as upset about them as I felt I would be. It is just going to take some adjustments and fine tuning my routine at night to to minimize wasted time. Figuring out who I can simply pull real quick from the cart instead of having to move the whole thing I'm sure will help. And once they are completely set up, I won't have to remember who still has stuff in their room and who doesn't. It will get better, and I don't feel like I'm doomed from ever getting done on time again. And really. It's good because it forces you to really pay attention to the meds, instead of blindly trusting that everything that was in the packets is right. I do think it will really suck when we move to eMARs in the future, because I will not be able to be on time with my meds, I see too many residents, and they aren't always in their room at the same times, and we can't do meds at activities or meals. That will be a nightmare, I'm sure of it. But that's not until 2014, thank goodness.
This next week is going to be good/bad. A coworker is on vacation, so I'm working a couple of extra shifts, with tomorrow being the worst because I have to work a double. But the Beyonce concert is Wednesday!! And we are gonna go check out a band on Friday. So there is some fun to be had, its just an insanely busy week, but it will give me more time to get used to the med carts, so it will have its perks. We are also going to dinner with Mom and Dad-in-law to celebrate Mom B.'s birthday tonight, and I'm looking forward to it. :).
In other news, I ordered my new Erin Condren Life Planner over a month ago, and I still don't have it in my hands. Last year was the first time I ordered from them, and was unaware of how long it took to receive the item because of how swamped they got at this time. So once I finally received it, it was missing one of the things I was looking forward to the most, and I was upset. But they'd iced it, gave me a $25 gift card for my troubles, and I'm still in love a year later. This is highly unusual for meas I tend to jump ship and start using a different planner after 4-6 months. This one has kept me hooked all year. Plus the personalization makes my heart happy.
So, this year, I had no doubts about ordering again. I made sure to start it in August instead of Jky because I knew how anxious I would get the closer it got to July with no Planner in my hands. I picked a really cute design, and picked my own colors. And I still had the $25 gift card Nd the $10 coupon I got with my first order, so it was way cheaper for me this year. I waited pretty patiently, I knew it would take a while. However, once it did finally arrive, I was missing half of September, and they didn't use the fonts for my name that I thought they would, and the coil was super rough. I emailed immediately, and didn't think anything of it because emailing worked wonders for me last year. This year, not so much. They person handling my case completely brushed off my concerns about the fonts, and then when I responded to show the example from their site, he told me it was too late and they couldn't help me.
This was the point that I became livid. I called instead and the person I got on the phone was not customer service material, and that only made it worse. I finally got a manager who totally took care of everything, and sent me a screen shot of what was going to be printed for me, and my excitement returned. However, it still got screwed up despite this, and I was back to livid. I had to call again, and complain, and the new one is in production now, but I'm really disappointed in this Company at this point. A quick glance at their Facebook page will show I'm not the only one experiencing major headaches trying to get their product. I love my Life Planner, but I can't in good conscience recommend it to others without warning them about the long wait and the possibility for errors, especially given the fact that I've yet to place an order with them that didn't arrive flawed in some way. I will probably order again, just because of how much this planner works for me, but that warm and fuzzy feeling I once had is gone. I've checked out other companies that make personalized planners, and none of them appealed that much to me, but its nice to know there are other options out there if need be.
I have also officially been a nurse for a year, and will have been a license holding nurse for a year on the 23rd. This past year has really flown by so much faster than I thought it would. 6 months in my job has gone by faster than I thought it would. Another 6 months, and I'm no longer a new graduate!! I'll be an experienced nurse!! It's exciting to think about. I'm also torn about what to do after I've reached the year mark. I could get a hospital job more easily, get a full time position instead of part time, get a higher salary. But that would mean saying goodbye to my residents. Taking on another job where I'll feel completely stupid all over again for another year. Playing another game of coworker lottery. I don't hate my job, but I'm not using the full capabilities of my training and knowledge. I could have just done the LPN program for what I am doing now, basically. It's not my dream to just push pills for 8 hours. So, I have more time to think about it, but its not going to be an easy decision at all.
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