So, I have hit the jackpot in regards to other blogs by fellow nurses, and some funny doctor ones. And as I find lots of new blogs that I find amusing and helpful, I also find something that makes me fearful as soon-to-be-newly-minted RN.
As I came across The Nerdy Nurse , I read a story about a nurse from Arizona who is facing losing her license for doing exactly what we are taught to do in school, advocate for the patient. Her patient didn't completely understand what was involved with receiving an organ transplant, and she provided education to the client, and arranged for the client to talk with someone who could answer their questions about hospice. The doctor threw a hissy fit about having his surgery cancelled and had this nurse fired.
Her state nursing association will not help her because they don't want to tarnish their reputation, and she unhirable at this point, even if she gets her license back, she would probably have to move out of the area to find a hospital willing to hire her. I think this is just so awful to hear. We go through so much work to become nurses, and one doctor throwing a hissy fit can have all of that work taken away? The patient was not harmed, she did not administer any medications or medical treatments without a doctor's order, she simply provided education, and tried to allow the client access to someone else who would only be educating the client about their options.
I realize that maybe it could be considered as undermining the doctor, but in my opinion, the doctor had not done his job in making sure the client knew all of their options, risks and all. He only offered information on the treatment that HE wanted, not what the patient wanted. This is the true injustice, what if this patient had this surgery and didn't survive it, died from the complications, suffered as a result of the health regimen required to keep their body from rejecting the transplanted organ? Maybe the patient wanted to just be made comfortable, and spend the time with their families with as little suffering as possible. Those options should be given to the patient.
I hope this nurse ends up prevailing, because if not, it is really disheartening about the lack of support that nurses receive. We seem to be the one who always get thrown under the bus.
In other news, these are blogs that I am enjoying right now:
New Nurse, in the hood.
Crass-Pollination: An ER blog
Doctor Grumpy in the House
Welcome to Weird Nursing Tales
Nursing for Guys I'm obviously not a guy, but I have been following this one for a while, and I am generally happy to see the guys be successful in nursing because bitches be catty!
There are so many more, these are just some of them that have been amusing me. There are so many I still need to check out, but I suck at blogging, so it is gonna take me a while. This whole blog would really suck if I end up flunking out of nursing school because I choose to lose myself in nursing blogs instead of studying. :)
Anyway, I wish I was witty and funny like these blogs, so enjoy!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Hull House
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/2012/01/27/jane-addams-hull-house-cl_n_1237065.html
I heard the tail-end of a news story that said "Hull House Closed", and I had to have Mike clarify what was said, when he said it again for me, part of me was sad.
Totally random for me as I am in my last semester to be jolted back to stuff I learned about in 1st semester with just the mention of 3 little words. However, it is still a sad day even for those who aren't nursing students, as this establishment served many under-privileged people, and I can think if lots of celebrity-endorsed charities that probably don't come anywhere close to doing the things that this place has.
But I guess if it is a glamorous organization, it doesn't deserve funding, right?
*shaking my head*
I heard the tail-end of a news story that said "Hull House Closed", and I had to have Mike clarify what was said, when he said it again for me, part of me was sad.
Totally random for me as I am in my last semester to be jolted back to stuff I learned about in 1st semester with just the mention of 3 little words. However, it is still a sad day even for those who aren't nursing students, as this establishment served many under-privileged people, and I can think if lots of celebrity-endorsed charities that probably don't come anywhere close to doing the things that this place has.
But I guess if it is a glamorous organization, it doesn't deserve funding, right?
*shaking my head*
In Flo's Name, I vow.......
to not wait until the frickin' last minute to do my clinical evaluations. Granted, I only have 6 more of these babies to do and then I'll be done forEVER!! But they suck. Especially doing two days of clinical for each day. The problem I found this time is that they changed the categories, so I didn't know if I should write out my care plan, and how detailed to be in writing out my assessments because when I was in ER, it was kind of hard to do that because it went so fast. My head was spinning a little trying to write this. And I found a spelling error AFTER I had already emailed it, when my instructor stresses the importance of making sure your spelling is always correct!
It isn't my best work, but I did as good a job as I could given that each instructor is different, and the first eval is always difficult to guage. I am sure she will correct me LOTS! lol
On to more homework and studying!!
It isn't my best work, but I did as good a job as I could given that each instructor is different, and the first eval is always difficult to guage. I am sure she will correct me LOTS! lol
On to more homework and studying!!
I love Nurstoons!!
Source: http://nurstoon.com/comic179.html
This is what it feels like sometimes as a student. This cartoon strip definitely provides some laugh therapy!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Who started her first IV today??
This girl!!!
I was nervous about being in the ER today for clinical. I knew there was a high chance of having to start IVs or Foleys, and I have practiced.....but haven't done either on an actual patient. So I was nervous! I was with an awesome nurse today, and she really helped make me feel more comfortable as the time came to start my first IV. She walked through the catheter syringe with me, and as I was selecting the site I was going to stick, she helped me, and told me where to insert the needle at. It was a success on the first try!! I was so happy that I got it without having to try a bunch of times!! I would have felt awful if I was that nursing student who put the patient through a ton of sticks. I got to start several IVs and I got to do some butterfly venipunctures to draw labs on a few other patients, and all of them were with just one stick!!
The amount of happiness this gives me can not be explained, and is otherwise considered a weird thing to be happy about by most people. Who is happy that they stuck a needle into someone's vein and drew blood??! lol Nursing students, that's who! :)
I also got a beam of hope that I may get to be in ICU for my Capstone. That's all I am calling it for now because that may be all it ends up being, but it was enough to brighten my day. I just have to get 100% on my first Critical Care exam, lol. I was just happy that I was able to have some discussion with my instructor about it, and that she isn't solely going by our letters of intent (hopefully).
Then my husband brings me roses when he comes home from work. I am extremely excited about my day, and just gotta kick it into high gear and keep up with the rest of the semester!!! So much excitement!!!
I was nervous about being in the ER today for clinical. I knew there was a high chance of having to start IVs or Foleys, and I have practiced.....but haven't done either on an actual patient. So I was nervous! I was with an awesome nurse today, and she really helped make me feel more comfortable as the time came to start my first IV. She walked through the catheter syringe with me, and as I was selecting the site I was going to stick, she helped me, and told me where to insert the needle at. It was a success on the first try!! I was so happy that I got it without having to try a bunch of times!! I would have felt awful if I was that nursing student who put the patient through a ton of sticks. I got to start several IVs and I got to do some butterfly venipunctures to draw labs on a few other patients, and all of them were with just one stick!!
The amount of happiness this gives me can not be explained, and is otherwise considered a weird thing to be happy about by most people. Who is happy that they stuck a needle into someone's vein and drew blood??! lol Nursing students, that's who! :)
I also got a beam of hope that I may get to be in ICU for my Capstone. That's all I am calling it for now because that may be all it ends up being, but it was enough to brighten my day. I just have to get 100% on my first Critical Care exam, lol. I was just happy that I was able to have some discussion with my instructor about it, and that she isn't solely going by our letters of intent (hopefully).
Then my husband brings me roses when he comes home from work. I am extremely excited about my day, and just gotta kick it into high gear and keep up with the rest of the semester!!! So much excitement!!!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Trying
I am trying to be better. I am what you would call chronically late. Sometimes it is because I get lazy when I am comfortable in my PJs and I don't wanna move. However, truly, it's because my brain gets too tied up in some idea, and I think...."just 5 more minutes and then I'll get going!" I read a news story, and I know there has to be more to the story here, and I google the local newspaper of wherever this story originates until I get the whole story. Stupid, but there have been a lot of times where articles are not written in an unbiased manner, and I need to see both sides.
I also can get overly vain, and my hair will NEED just a bit more blow drying to be acceptable. Personal flaw, sue me.
I am trying to be better about getting things ready the night before so I am not frantically trying to put things together. Of course, even with the best intentions, I will still be late, but at least I know I have everything I need.
So I spent time between classes printing out class notes for the next few weeks, and when I came home tonight, I got some things together for clinical tomorrow.
But I need to stop being late. I hate the feeling I get when I feel rushed. This will make me a better student, a better employee, and a better friend/relative.
So tonight I am just going to try to prepare the best I can for tomorrow. I will be in the ICU, and I have no idea what to expect. I want to shine, I want to provide the best care that I can. I also really want to see if ICU is something that will be a good fit for me someday, or to really cement that labor & delivery is where I belong.
The best way I can explain it is this: you are at Cheesecake Factory, and there are PAGES of choices. Who needs 3 pages of appetizers to choose from??! Ok, so there are these endless options, but you can only pick one meal. If you don't like it, too bad. You don't get to order something else, at least not at this time, so you ate stuck with this crappy meal that you don't like. So, you only get one first job as a new nurse, and I am terrified of it not being one that tastes good..err, scratch that....I mean, one that doesn't fit me well.
This is where I wish I had this passion right away for one area, it would make this point in my life less anxiety-inducing. Oh well! All I can do is push forward, and see where things take me!
I also can get overly vain, and my hair will NEED just a bit more blow drying to be acceptable. Personal flaw, sue me.
I am trying to be better about getting things ready the night before so I am not frantically trying to put things together. Of course, even with the best intentions, I will still be late, but at least I know I have everything I need.
So I spent time between classes printing out class notes for the next few weeks, and when I came home tonight, I got some things together for clinical tomorrow.
But I need to stop being late. I hate the feeling I get when I feel rushed. This will make me a better student, a better employee, and a better friend/relative.
So tonight I am just going to try to prepare the best I can for tomorrow. I will be in the ICU, and I have no idea what to expect. I want to shine, I want to provide the best care that I can. I also really want to see if ICU is something that will be a good fit for me someday, or to really cement that labor & delivery is where I belong.
The best way I can explain it is this: you are at Cheesecake Factory, and there are PAGES of choices. Who needs 3 pages of appetizers to choose from??! Ok, so there are these endless options, but you can only pick one meal. If you don't like it, too bad. You don't get to order something else, at least not at this time, so you ate stuck with this crappy meal that you don't like. So, you only get one first job as a new nurse, and I am terrified of it not being one that tastes good..err, scratch that....I mean, one that doesn't fit me well.
This is where I wish I had this passion right away for one area, it would make this point in my life less anxiety-inducing. Oh well! All I can do is push forward, and see where things take me!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Public Service Announcement
Source:http://www.kimberlysnyder.net/blog/2011/10/18/what-your-poop-and-pee-are-telling-you-about-your-body ">What Your Poop and Pee Mean
Or Not
So....during clinical orientation on Thursday, I found out my letter of intent was a big waste of time. My instructor told me that doing my capston in L&D was not possible. I guess it was worth a try, and maybe my letter of intent will still open up some opportunities to be placed somewhere more exciting to me than a simple Med-Surg floor.
*sigh*
I survived the first week, and only 7 more to go. I do think that my clinical instructor is going to be great, although all of my clinial instructors for the most part have seemed absolutely terrifying to me one way or the other. I just hope to have another successful clinical rotation, and ending nursing school on a positive note. There is sooooo much work to be done, which I'l say it....feels like busy work for atleast half of it. But whatever I gotta do to get past this chapter of my education!
Tomorrow is my first day of being at school from 800 to 1800 (I am trying to incorporate military time into my life to get used to it so I don't screw up my charting, I'll let you figure it out). It is going to be a long day due to the 4 hour break between one class to the other, but atleast I will have that time to study, practice skills, and meet with my mentees. Yeah, in addition to all of our stuff, we have to meet with a 1st semester student (or two or three) and preceptor them on passing PO meds, Head to Toe assessment, and introduce them to the Simulation Hospital, I feel like there is a 4th thing, but oh well. I remember feeling like the whole mentor thing wasn't useful to me, partly because passing PO meds was not something I found difficult, but had she gone over head to toe assessment me, that would have helped me so much more. So, I plan on making sure I give as much help as I can to my mentees on head to toe assessment as I can, and whatever help they need on PO meds.
I know some people will look at it as a chore, and I may even find it inconvenient, too, trying to coordinate two schedules that are completely different; but I am sort of looking forward to being able to be a resource for my mentees, and I want them to feel that I have truly helped them instead of simply satisfying my obligations. As much as we are taught to educate our patients, why would we be resistent to teaching those who follow behind us? I personally do not want to exhibit anything that would contribute to this notion of nurses eating their young instead of nurturing them. If we can't support each other in learning, we can't move forward as a profession.
*second sigh*
So that's me getting that off of my chest. I just can't believe I am almost there!!
*sigh*
I survived the first week, and only 7 more to go. I do think that my clinical instructor is going to be great, although all of my clinial instructors for the most part have seemed absolutely terrifying to me one way or the other. I just hope to have another successful clinical rotation, and ending nursing school on a positive note. There is sooooo much work to be done, which I'l say it....feels like busy work for atleast half of it. But whatever I gotta do to get past this chapter of my education!
Tomorrow is my first day of being at school from 800 to 1800 (I am trying to incorporate military time into my life to get used to it so I don't screw up my charting, I'll let you figure it out). It is going to be a long day due to the 4 hour break between one class to the other, but atleast I will have that time to study, practice skills, and meet with my mentees. Yeah, in addition to all of our stuff, we have to meet with a 1st semester student (or two or three) and preceptor them on passing PO meds, Head to Toe assessment, and introduce them to the Simulation Hospital, I feel like there is a 4th thing, but oh well. I remember feeling like the whole mentor thing wasn't useful to me, partly because passing PO meds was not something I found difficult, but had she gone over head to toe assessment me, that would have helped me so much more. So, I plan on making sure I give as much help as I can to my mentees on head to toe assessment as I can, and whatever help they need on PO meds.
I know some people will look at it as a chore, and I may even find it inconvenient, too, trying to coordinate two schedules that are completely different; but I am sort of looking forward to being able to be a resource for my mentees, and I want them to feel that I have truly helped them instead of simply satisfying my obligations. As much as we are taught to educate our patients, why would we be resistent to teaching those who follow behind us? I personally do not want to exhibit anything that would contribute to this notion of nurses eating their young instead of nurturing them. If we can't support each other in learning, we can't move forward as a profession.
*second sigh*
So that's me getting that off of my chest. I just can't believe I am almost there!!
Monday, January 16, 2012
L&D it is!!
I finally....and when I say finally, I mean after a full day of being frozen trying to figure this out....I FINALLY wrote my letter of intent for Capstone. I decided, if this is the only say I am going to have in the manner of where I would like to go, I would be a huge dumb-ass to not take advantage to atleast express my interest in an area that I KNOW I liked. Not taking this opportunity, and saying NOTHING, leaves it completely up to chance where I will get put. It tells my clinical instructor that I just don't really care, when that is the furthest thing from the truth. I care A LOT about this time in my final semester.
I can honestly say, that I haven't loved any of my other clinical experiences more than I loved the clinical days I had in my OB rotation. Yes, I could love critical care or ER or Oncology. I really could fall in love with those areas, but I have NO experience there to be sure that I will love them at all, or that I will love them more than L&D. If I am given the opportunity to discuss my interest in more detail with my clinical instructor, maybe I will get the opportunity to express my concerns about feeling torn. I am in need of some guidance, but at this moment, all I can do is make the best decision with the information and experience I currently have, and not the possibilities of what could be in the next 8 weeks.
I could still end up in some truly random placement, but as long as it is one where I can learn, it will be fine.
But with that said, I reallllllly realllllly REALLLLLy want to see more babies on their birthdays!!
I can honestly say, that I haven't loved any of my other clinical experiences more than I loved the clinical days I had in my OB rotation. Yes, I could love critical care or ER or Oncology. I really could fall in love with those areas, but I have NO experience there to be sure that I will love them at all, or that I will love them more than L&D. If I am given the opportunity to discuss my interest in more detail with my clinical instructor, maybe I will get the opportunity to express my concerns about feeling torn. I am in need of some guidance, but at this moment, all I can do is make the best decision with the information and experience I currently have, and not the possibilities of what could be in the next 8 weeks.
I could still end up in some truly random placement, but as long as it is one where I can learn, it will be fine.
But with that said, I reallllllly realllllly REALLLLLy want to see more babies on their birthdays!!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Last Minute Life
After last semester, I was so determined to not wait til the last minute to prepare for this semester. Yet, here I am, 2 days til Critical Care bootcamp.....with a ton of stuff to do, and I still take the time to put a moisturizing/protein mask on my hair and watching the movie remake of Bewitched. And Mike and I have a fun night planned with my friend and her boyfriend. But I am not panicking, I am saving that for tomorrow night. :)
I am feeling motivated, don't get me wrong, but I guess I feel I have a whole semester of stressing ahead of me, I don't want to spend my last 2 days of pre-semester freedom stressing, even if I do have a ton of work to do.
I am busy trying to contemplate what to do with my Capstone. If we want to be placed in a speciality area, we have to have our resume updated and our letter of intent written by Tuesday morning. The thing is that I wanted to get to have a couple of days atleast of critical care clinical to see if this is an area that speaks to me. I could either love it or hate it. And I don't want to regret my decision to NOT request ICU or ER, and then find out that I LOVE it. Especially if I love it even more than L&D. But then I don't want to request ICU or ER or L&D and find out too late that its not a good Capstone experience.
Let me back up in case I haven't explained about what Capstone is. It is our last 8 weeks of our nursing program where we have no classes, no exams....its all nursing shifts with a preceptor. 8 weeks of 24 hours of nursing. It is an opportunity to learn, and really put all that we have learned to use. In clinical, we have limited time on the floor, and our opportunities to perform skills are limited. So, capstone hopefully is our chance to come into our own and gain true experience.
I know that I have felt the strongest connection to L&D, and the TCU babies in Peds with their trachs and vents, and g-tubes, and loved NICU the day I got to observe. I have felt bored with med surg because I never really got the patients who had a ton of stuff going on, and just felt like a pill pusher. I want to have the best capstone experience that I can, and be able to learn as much as possible. And I am scared of requesting an area that I either 1- Can't have because they don't allow students in that area for their capstone or 2- proves to be a bad capstone experience, even though I really love that area of nursing or 3- getting stuck in a boring area that I hate.
I just wish that we would have had a chance to experience critical care before having to decide this. :(
I am feeling motivated, don't get me wrong, but I guess I feel I have a whole semester of stressing ahead of me, I don't want to spend my last 2 days of pre-semester freedom stressing, even if I do have a ton of work to do.
I am busy trying to contemplate what to do with my Capstone. If we want to be placed in a speciality area, we have to have our resume updated and our letter of intent written by Tuesday morning. The thing is that I wanted to get to have a couple of days atleast of critical care clinical to see if this is an area that speaks to me. I could either love it or hate it. And I don't want to regret my decision to NOT request ICU or ER, and then find out that I LOVE it. Especially if I love it even more than L&D. But then I don't want to request ICU or ER or L&D and find out too late that its not a good Capstone experience.
Let me back up in case I haven't explained about what Capstone is. It is our last 8 weeks of our nursing program where we have no classes, no exams....its all nursing shifts with a preceptor. 8 weeks of 24 hours of nursing. It is an opportunity to learn, and really put all that we have learned to use. In clinical, we have limited time on the floor, and our opportunities to perform skills are limited. So, capstone hopefully is our chance to come into our own and gain true experience.
I know that I have felt the strongest connection to L&D, and the TCU babies in Peds with their trachs and vents, and g-tubes, and loved NICU the day I got to observe. I have felt bored with med surg because I never really got the patients who had a ton of stuff going on, and just felt like a pill pusher. I want to have the best capstone experience that I can, and be able to learn as much as possible. And I am scared of requesting an area that I either 1- Can't have because they don't allow students in that area for their capstone or 2- proves to be a bad capstone experience, even though I really love that area of nursing or 3- getting stuck in a boring area that I hate.
I just wish that we would have had a chance to experience critical care before having to decide this. :(
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I Suck at Blogging.
I really am. I am horrible at reading them, horrible at updating mine, and wish I was better at both.
So! Since my last post, I did indeed pass my ped rotation. Although, when I took my final, I was sure I had just failed. Normally, after you take a final exam, you get to leave....but not in this class. We had to give presentations on our nursing articles with our groups. I was so devastated after feeling like I had failed my exam & the class, that I started to sob as soon as I turned my scan-tron in. My group was the last to go, and I thought "this is good, I can get it together by then".....but no, I went in and out of crying all the way until it was our time. I completely sucked when I had to give my part of the presentation.
I truly was so upset. I have never been that upset before over a test. And even when the grades were finally posted later that day, I started crying when I saw that I had a near perfect score on my exam. I was crying in relief, releasing all of that stress and fear. It really did take some time for it to sink in that I passed. It certainly didn't help when my clinical instructor (who I truly believe is the most socially awkward nursing instructor yet, even my OB instructor was encouraging and didn't make you feel like you were stupid) started out my final peds clinical evaluation by saying she shoud have failed me, yet she was giving me a B. I had an incident that I am not going to talk about, but a mistake happened, and it was not due to me being careless, or not being aware of my surroundings, and I punished myself for it far more than anyone else could have. Yet, I received no formal warnings or remediation slips at the time of the event, and was assured by my instructor at that time that mistakes happen and I did everything right once I realized my mistake. So, yeah, I was kind of ticked she started out my final evaluation meeting with that because of that I should have a received a 1 in Safety (4=a, 3=b,2=pass, 1=big fat fail), and 1 in this category is a fail, regardless of your scorings in the other 9 categories. She gave me a 2, and had she said "I really felt you deserved a 3, but because of that incident, I had to give you a 2", I would have been ok with that.
I passed Peds, and thank heavens, because that class was just too much for me. OB, on the other hand......LOVE. I loved it. Big, fat, puffy heart, loved it. Labor & Delivery is by far the first area where I felt "OMG, I need to be here!!!". I can't truly describe what its like to be there when a baby cries for the first time, yet stops crying the second their daddy starts to talk to them. They literally are like "Hold the phone!!! I know you!!" when they turn their little head in the direction of their daddy's voice, and try to open their eyes. I was in tears with every birth I got to be present for. It didn't make want my own lil bun in the oven ASAP, but I just felt like it was such an amazing experience to get to be a part of.
So yeah, loved OB. I am 2 weeks away from starting my 4th and final semester of nursing school. I have homework to do already, lol. I am still in disbelief that the end is nearing. May 20 is our graduation day. When I saw them setting up the tent for graduation 2 years ago while I arriving to take my final for Physiology.....I actually started crying. I knew that tent was going to be in MY future in a couple of years. I can't explain how important it is to me to be graduating, even if I was majoring in something like accounting or pottery. Not having a degree is something I have felt embarrassed of. Not because everyone should have a degree, but its because I know I am capable and smart, and to not have one means I simply didn't follow through. I let life and circumstances delay this for me. So, it is important for me to be finally completing this. Even though I will be going on to get my BSN, I can do that online, and take a class at a time. I won't have to do this 2 years of taking over my whole life again. So, just finally receiving that degree with my name on it is an accomplishment that I need to validate something in me. It just happens to be even better that this degree makes me a nurse, which is beyond exciting for me that I will get to actively help people, instead of just being the phone answerer or butt wiper.
I am also really excited for getting back to life with Mike and I in our own place. There are hard moments living with your in-laws, but I can say that I am fortunate to have the in-laws that I do. I have friends who have in-laws who would make you want to pull your hair out just listening to their stories. My in-laws don't know how much I am in gratitude for helping me accomplish this dream of mine. I did not have this kind of support from my own family (although if money grew on trees, I know things would have been different). This has given me the opportunity to go to school and only stress about school, and actually be a full-time student, and be a rock star at it.
But even with that said, I miss having my own place with my husband. Its actually really exciting to think about looking for places again, and getting to unpack our stuff. Getting to walk around in my undies without worrying about if my in-laws are home or not. And just getting to make a place our home. I am ready for that so much.
So 4th semester comes to my life with Critical Care (ICU, Emergency, Oncology) and Roles Transition. With roles, we start preparing for the job search basically, and its a lot of busy work from what I hear. But then there is our Capstone. We get to say where we would like to be placed (such as cardiac, post-partum, peds, psych, etc), and we get placed with a nurse who will be our preceptor for 8 weeks. We work their schedule for about 24 hours a week. I am soooo undecided on where I want to be for this. I have L&D is not a good experience, but then they can't place you in ICU/NICU, which are other areas I would be interested in. So, I'm not sure yet. I definitely don't want to do something boring like a general med-surg floor. I may very well end up working med-surg when I graduate because I will take what I can get. But I want to have an amazing learning opportunity for Capstone. So we will see!
So! Since my last post, I did indeed pass my ped rotation. Although, when I took my final, I was sure I had just failed. Normally, after you take a final exam, you get to leave....but not in this class. We had to give presentations on our nursing articles with our groups. I was so devastated after feeling like I had failed my exam & the class, that I started to sob as soon as I turned my scan-tron in. My group was the last to go, and I thought "this is good, I can get it together by then".....but no, I went in and out of crying all the way until it was our time. I completely sucked when I had to give my part of the presentation.
I truly was so upset. I have never been that upset before over a test. And even when the grades were finally posted later that day, I started crying when I saw that I had a near perfect score on my exam. I was crying in relief, releasing all of that stress and fear. It really did take some time for it to sink in that I passed. It certainly didn't help when my clinical instructor (who I truly believe is the most socially awkward nursing instructor yet, even my OB instructor was encouraging and didn't make you feel like you were stupid) started out my final peds clinical evaluation by saying she shoud have failed me, yet she was giving me a B. I had an incident that I am not going to talk about, but a mistake happened, and it was not due to me being careless, or not being aware of my surroundings, and I punished myself for it far more than anyone else could have. Yet, I received no formal warnings or remediation slips at the time of the event, and was assured by my instructor at that time that mistakes happen and I did everything right once I realized my mistake. So, yeah, I was kind of ticked she started out my final evaluation meeting with that because of that I should have a received a 1 in Safety (4=a, 3=b,2=pass, 1=big fat fail), and 1 in this category is a fail, regardless of your scorings in the other 9 categories. She gave me a 2, and had she said "I really felt you deserved a 3, but because of that incident, I had to give you a 2", I would have been ok with that.
I passed Peds, and thank heavens, because that class was just too much for me. OB, on the other hand......LOVE. I loved it. Big, fat, puffy heart, loved it. Labor & Delivery is by far the first area where I felt "OMG, I need to be here!!!". I can't truly describe what its like to be there when a baby cries for the first time, yet stops crying the second their daddy starts to talk to them. They literally are like "Hold the phone!!! I know you!!" when they turn their little head in the direction of their daddy's voice, and try to open their eyes. I was in tears with every birth I got to be present for. It didn't make want my own lil bun in the oven ASAP, but I just felt like it was such an amazing experience to get to be a part of.
So yeah, loved OB. I am 2 weeks away from starting my 4th and final semester of nursing school. I have homework to do already, lol. I am still in disbelief that the end is nearing. May 20 is our graduation day. When I saw them setting up the tent for graduation 2 years ago while I arriving to take my final for Physiology.....I actually started crying. I knew that tent was going to be in MY future in a couple of years. I can't explain how important it is to me to be graduating, even if I was majoring in something like accounting or pottery. Not having a degree is something I have felt embarrassed of. Not because everyone should have a degree, but its because I know I am capable and smart, and to not have one means I simply didn't follow through. I let life and circumstances delay this for me. So, it is important for me to be finally completing this. Even though I will be going on to get my BSN, I can do that online, and take a class at a time. I won't have to do this 2 years of taking over my whole life again. So, just finally receiving that degree with my name on it is an accomplishment that I need to validate something in me. It just happens to be even better that this degree makes me a nurse, which is beyond exciting for me that I will get to actively help people, instead of just being the phone answerer or butt wiper.
I am also really excited for getting back to life with Mike and I in our own place. There are hard moments living with your in-laws, but I can say that I am fortunate to have the in-laws that I do. I have friends who have in-laws who would make you want to pull your hair out just listening to their stories. My in-laws don't know how much I am in gratitude for helping me accomplish this dream of mine. I did not have this kind of support from my own family (although if money grew on trees, I know things would have been different). This has given me the opportunity to go to school and only stress about school, and actually be a full-time student, and be a rock star at it.
But even with that said, I miss having my own place with my husband. Its actually really exciting to think about looking for places again, and getting to unpack our stuff. Getting to walk around in my undies without worrying about if my in-laws are home or not. And just getting to make a place our home. I am ready for that so much.
So 4th semester comes to my life with Critical Care (ICU, Emergency, Oncology) and Roles Transition. With roles, we start preparing for the job search basically, and its a lot of busy work from what I hear. But then there is our Capstone. We get to say where we would like to be placed (such as cardiac, post-partum, peds, psych, etc), and we get placed with a nurse who will be our preceptor for 8 weeks. We work their schedule for about 24 hours a week. I am soooo undecided on where I want to be for this. I have L&D is not a good experience, but then they can't place you in ICU/NICU, which are other areas I would be interested in. So, I'm not sure yet. I definitely don't want to do something boring like a general med-surg floor. I may very well end up working med-surg when I graduate because I will take what I can get. But I want to have an amazing learning opportunity for Capstone. So we will see!
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