Trying

I am trying to be better. I am what you would call chronically late. Sometimes it is because I get lazy when I am comfortable in my PJs and I don't wanna move. However, truly, it's because my brain gets too tied up in some idea, and I think...."just 5 more minutes and then I'll get going!" I read a news story, and I know there has to be more to the story here, and I google the local newspaper of wherever this story originates until I get the whole story. Stupid, but there have been a lot of times where articles are not written in an unbiased manner, and I need to see both sides.

I also can get overly vain, and my hair will NEED just a bit more blow drying to be acceptable. Personal flaw, sue me.

I am trying to be better about getting things ready the night before so I am not frantically trying to put things together. Of course, even with the best intentions, I will still be late, but at least I know I have everything I need.

So I spent time between classes printing out class notes for the next few weeks, and when I came home tonight, I got some things together for clinical tomorrow.

But I need to stop being late. I hate the feeling I get when I feel rushed. This will make me a better student, a better employee, and a better friend/relative.

So tonight I am just going to try to prepare the best I can for tomorrow. I will be in the ICU, and I have no idea what to expect. I want to shine, I want to provide the best care that I can. I also really want to see if ICU is something that will be a good fit for me someday, or to really cement that labor & delivery is where I belong.

The best way I can explain it is this: you are at Cheesecake Factory, and there are PAGES of choices. Who needs 3 pages of appetizers to choose from??! Ok, so there are these endless options, but you can only pick one meal. If you don't like it, too bad. You don't get to order something else, at least not at this time, so you ate stuck with this crappy meal that you don't like. So, you only get one first job as a new nurse, and I am terrified of it not being one that tastes good..err, scratch that....I mean, one that doesn't fit me well.

This is where I wish I had this passion right away for one area, it would make this point in my life less anxiety-inducing. Oh well! All I can do is push forward, and see where things take me!