I've had some ups and downs lately. When I've gotten really stressed out, it sends me down to a really low place, and then when I try to get out of it, its difficult. I feel stuck. But then, good things happen, and I feel happy again. I've been beating myself up pretty bad over not running, not being ready for my 5K next weekend, not staying on plan with Weight Watchers, not being better at my job, not being able to kick my anxiety about work or old family problems. I am my own worst enemy a lot of the times because I can't stop my anxiety. But it just turns into a downward spiral, because if I'm not doing something really well, I just don't do it at all. So nothing gets better. No growth. No improvement. And I get even more disappointed in myself, and the cycle continues.
So many good things happen, but they get overshadowed by all the bad so easily. We went to see Beyoncé on Wednesday, and it was amazing! I had an absolute awesome time. But then the next day, I was a ball of anxiety before work, and sure enough, it was a night from hell. I was nearly an hour behind in my med pass because of thing completely unavoidable or within my power to control, and then of course, my coworker knew I was drowning, and still made it clear she wasn't going to help me. I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m. that night.
I get so worked up, and I have a really hard time getting out of the stress frenzy I've gotten myself into. Luckily at work I can put it aside and just get my work done, but if I'm at home, I just can't. I can't function when this happens at all. So, I decided enough was enough, and I made an appointment with a therapist for this coming week. I'm nervous about it, but I have to start somewhere. My anxiety can not control my life this much. It just can't.
The Color Run is next weekend, and due to being sick and getting the sunburn from hell that make running impossible for 3 weeks, I'm not at all where I thought I would be. I feel like I'm letting my friend down who is running it with me, I'm letting Mike down, I'm letting myself down. So again, if I'm not excelling at something, I don't want to do it at all, so I had a really hard time getting back into running. But I forced myself to go yesterday afternoon, and didn't use my Couch to 5k app, I just set the treadmill on the 5K loop, and just did it myself. I ran 4 minutes, then walked 4 minutes. I even got up to 6 minutes towards the end when I was getting really close to finishing. I'm sore today, but I was really happy with myself that I got through the entire 5k, even if I was on the slow side. I did it. So I'll keep working on it this week, but I want to just focus on having fun at the Color Run, because its more about getting splashed with colors than finishing 1st. Plus, being in Milwaukee is always a good time!
We also signed up for the Hot Chocolate 5k in November. This one is timed, but the limit is a 15 minute mile, so, its totally doable! Plus, you get this awesome little cup that holds a cup of hot chocolate and has space for goodies all around it. I'm completely motivated by the chocolate at the end, not going to lie. But, I wanted to sign up for it because it will help keep me motivated to keep going even after next weekend is over. The next on my list is the Shamrock Shuffle, if it works out with my schedule, I'd like to do that one, too, but its an 8K, so again, it would keep me motivated to keep working and only getting better.
Then last night, we went out to check out this band According to Sarah that I discovered while looking into who was playing at the Sausage Fest we went to. They cover alternative rock songs from the 90s, and they are really good! They were playing at the Blues Bar in Mt. Prospect. We had a good time, good food, good drinks. I seriously think Pulled Pork Nachos are my new favorite food. So of course, today then is my weigh in day, and I weighed myself on the Wii to see if I even wanted to bother getting weighed in at WW. I started to regret the nachos, and all the delicious drinks, and the brownie sundae we split last night. But!! I was down enough that I figured WW would at the minimum at least show I had maintained my weight, despite my skipping weigh-in the last 2 weeks.
I lost 0.4 pounds, which is a sad showing in my opinion, but at least its not a gain. And I ate like a pig this week, and only worked out once. I'm 0.2 lbs away from my 15% loss goal, and 5.2 lbs away from 50 lbs lost. So, I have to be good this week. I'm getting back on the bandwagon. I'm going to track my food, I'm going to work out at least 4 times this week. I so want to reach these milestones and get out of the slump I've been in.
I was going to go run today before work, but my hips are sore from my run yesterday, so the activity I get at work pushing around the big med carts will have to cut it for today! I've tracked everything I've eaten today, and what I have packed for my dinner tonight. So, I'm praying my coworkers don't bring in any chocolates or sweets for me to be tempted by if I get stressed out tonight!!
Well, I have to start getting ready for work now, and prepare myself for whatever hell it decides to throw my way!!
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