I'm just being lazy today before I have to go into work later on in the afternoon. My head cold finally went away after a week, it was a stubborn little thing. Of course, I replaced my source of misery with a newly acquired sunburn. On Tuesday, I was feeling a little better, and my hubby suggested going out to the pool. Not sure why he suggested this, as I have been strongly opposed to any notion that I'd make myself vulnerable to having other people see me in a swimming suit since the day he met me. I didn't care if no one else cared, or that I'd never see those people again in my life. It wasn't gonna happen. I haven't gone swimming since my senior year of high school. Apparently, pool days was a thing I couldn't get myself out of without getting detention. I attempted it one day, and was mortified. I then decided detention was a far nicer punishment than having my rolls on display in front of all the kids in my new school. And I have never gone in a pool since. That was almost 12 years ago.
And honestly, I probably haven't owned a swimsuit since 6th grade. That was the last year I was blissfully ignorant enough to get into a swimsuit. So, to make a long story short, since I was 11, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've gone swimming. That is a pretty sad story.
So anyway....again...not sure what possessed my husband into thinking that suggesting going to the pool was a good idea. Surely, he knew it just wasn't gonna happen. I didn't even have a swimsuit..........or did I?
We had gone to Michigan a couple of years ago. I was inspired for a moment that I may feel ok getting into a swimsuit, because it had been so hot, and getting into the water would have been really nice. I thought that maybe if we were far enough away from home, I would feel better getting into a swimsuit. So I ordered a swimsuit. I didn't think I looked too terrible, and it covered up most of what I was worried about. But then I never used it. For 2 years.
I should have gotten rid of it, but it was just sitting in my dresser underneath a bunch of random socks or whatever. I decided to try it on, not sure if it would still fit since I've lost a lot of weight since I first ordered it. It wasn't as snug, and my poor girls no longer filled out the top, but once I adjusted the straps to be a little tighter around my neck, they were secure enough. So, I decided "Why not?". I made Mike hurry up and get ready before I lost my nerve, and off to the pool we went. Our complex has 2 pools, and they are actually right next to our building.
I quickly got over caring if anyone was looking at me and laughing their heads off internally. It was so incredibly nice to be in the pool, goofing off with Mike. It also made Mike really happy to have finally gotten me to the pool with him. We were there for several hours, because I was like a child, and didn't want to leave. I also wasn't upset with the idea of getting some color without having to go to the tanning bed every fluffing day. Of course, my casper skin does this magic trick, where I'm still white as a ghost until 2 hours later, when I turn a bright shade of lobster red. We got some better sunblock later that night, but I was only burnt on my upper body, so I could manage.
Of course, Thursday, I was like a child again. I knew better. I was still healing from the first sunburn, so going out again was not a good idea. Yet, I could help but be bothered by my Casper the ghost legs, and thought if I slathered on enough sunblock on my arms and chest and face, all would be ok!
Wrong.
I had a really relaxing day by the pool on Thursday. I laid off for a while and read my book on my iPad. Side note, The Tao of Martha by Jen Lancaster was hilarious. I love her. Anyway, once I felt too hot, I got in the pool and swam for a little bit. I then, for some stupid reason, forgot the magic trick my skin likes to pull, and thought I'd lay out for a bit more, because my legs were still white. This is where my mistake happened. I should have just toweled off and gone home. But nope, I subjected myself to even more sun, and as a result, got the worst sunburn on my legs that I've ever had in my life. I wouldn't even realize just how bad it was until the next day after work.
I got home from my shift on Friday to discover my ankles must be swollen, as are my legs. Which would help to explain the excruciating pain I would experience trying to stand up. My skin felt like it was pulling at one spot, and it was just awful. I barely wanted to eat, and was feeling pretty nauseous all day on Friday and Saturday. I also felt pretty wiped out. So, just as my head cold as disappearing, I prolonged my misery by adding a sunburn. Lesson learned, sunscreen is my friend, and I will never try to act like I'm too cool to hang out with it again. Promise.
This week has been heavy on the people noticing my weight loss front this week. One was a patient at my dental office who didn't even recognize me when I greeted her by name. She looked at me like "How did you know my name, crazy bitch?" Then she asked me my name, and her eyes just popped open, like "OMG". I was a bit surprised though, I know I have lost a lot of weight, but I didn't think it had gotten to the point of me not being recognizable. I wasn't wearing my signature cardigan at work in the morning because I was kind of hot, so I guess the cardigan had covered up just how much weight I had lost from my coworkers. I get uncomfortable talking about my weight loss to other people, so I was happy to put my cardigan back on once the AC kicked in.
Of course, then we met up at my in-laws house for Father's day, and I had gotten out of having to talk about my weight loss with Mike's parents. But his Grandpa hadn't seen me since Christmas, and this kind of opened the floodgates. It was nice to hear the flattering comments, and encouragement, but I just feel so uncomfortable talking about it. I'm not starving myself, or doing anything extreme, sometimes I'm surprised I'm even losing weight with what I eat sometimes. And I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I'm not doing this to gain the approval of others. And sometimes, it feels like society won't accept you until you lose weight.....so while the kind compliments are just that, a compliment. It sometimes feels like "Oh, now we can say nice things about you because you finally decided to drop the weight, fatty". Completely irrational, and paranoid to think of it this way, I know. I kind of hate that I have this mentality about people paying me compliments as I lose weight, but it is what it is. I'm sure its going to be this for a while because I haven't completely accepted myself as I lose weight. 40 pounds lighter, and I still have trouble seeing myself as the slimmed down version. I see what's still there of my stomach, my thighs, my arms. I have trouble seeing my progress sometimes because those areas are still so large to me.
Anyway, so yeah, I basically am having trouble accepting compliments right now. Poor, pitiful me. Geez. Talk about first world problems.
So, yep, I reached my 40 pound loss goal this Saturday. Despite being sick and not being able to breathe enough to exercise. I also got a new charm for my keychain for having 16 weigh-ins. It is supposed to be for coming for 16 weeks, but I skipped a few weeks. So I'd be lying to say I went 16 weeks in a row, but I have stayed committed. I actually filled out a whole passbook. I am happy that I've hung on this long, and made far more progress this time around than I ever have before, besides the time I took diet pills (never doing that again).
Father's day was really nice. The weather was perfect for going downtown, and the food was amazing. I got a jalapeno bacon sausage with chipotle mayo, and I could have easily eaten 2 until the cheddar and bacon chips the size of a basketball were ordered. They were amazing, it took four of us to eat them, and we still didn't eat them all. And watching them using a power drill the power the potatoes through the slicer was entertaining! I was really happy we got everyone on board to do this for Father's day.
This week, I don't have to work any doubles, thank goodness! Once my sunburn on my legs heals, I'm getting back on the bandwagon with my running. I'm thinking I am gonna have to rethink my goal of running the entire 5k next month, which the setback I'm in right now, I'm not sure I can get myself to the point of running 3 miles without stopping. Which I feel bad about. I really do. My friend is much further ahead of the game than I am, and I don't want to hold anyone back. I realize this isn't a timed 5k, and its meant to just be fun, but I really wanted to be able to run the whole thing. We will see, I still have well over a month to work on this, but given my stagnation at 3 minute intervals, I'm guessing I'm not gonna be able to get myself to non-stop-running by then.
But I'm still excited to finally be able to do a 5k! The Color Run is honestly the most fun 5k I've seen, and seriously, the jealousy is strong with this one when I see my friends post pictures on facebook after doing it. I don't quite understand the jealousy, and let me say its not a "I hate that bitch" kind of jealousy, its just more of a way "Oooooooh, I wannnnnnnnaaaa! Me, Me, Me, when is it gonna be MY turn" kind of jealousy. lol Something about the idea of getting splashed with bright colors just seems like so much fun! Mike and I are also playing with the idea of signing up for this Hot Chocolate 5k later this year. What better motivator is there than knowing chocolate will be waiting for you when you are done?!?! Plus, it is timed, you must keep a certain pace to be able to complete it, which will be a great push to keep my going even after my 5k next month.
That's all for now, I guess its time to get ready for work!
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