I updated my resume last night, and I filled out my application for a hospice and palliative care center in the area. My friend recently started working there, and I was pretty impressed with her starting rate. I have always told myself I didn't think I could do hospice because I'm an emotional sponge. If people around me are stressed, angry, sad, crying, etc., it tends to have a big effect on me, especially the sad and crying part. I am genuinely worried that I will come home crying everyday if I work at a place where people are dying in front of me on a regular basis, and seeing their families go through such a horrible loss. I know I will never know the pain of losing a loved one until it happens to me, but how much I can imagine it is awful enough that it makes me cry.
I feel like such a hypocrite for saying all this time I didn't think I could do it, yet here I am, about to submit my application because it would basically double my income. However, if money was not the issue, it would provide a great opportunity to improve on my skills in supporting my patients and their families as they try to cope with bad outcomes. This is useful no matter where you are working as a nurse. I would someday like to be in the ICU or Labor and Delivery, and while ICU is definitely going to be more heavy on the bad outcomes, they do unfortunately occur in L&D, too, and I'd like to be the best support for my patients as I can.
So, I'm trying to remember that this is a job where I can utilize my nursing skills, improve on the one area that I am terrified of, and will provide much needed experience. There, of course, is no guarantee either that this place will hire me, so I am also totally getting ahead of myself. I just have tried to think this out so much over the last month, because I don't want to quit my jobs to start one here, and then realize I can't do it, and have to beg for my job back at the dental office. I wouldn't be able to go back to my position as a patient care tech once I have had a job as a nurse because of liability issues. So, I have really tried to just weight the pros and cons of this before I even apply, because I don't want to waste anyone's time.
I will work on applications more this week since I have updated my resume, and just keep trying. I am going to try to apply for at least 10 positions each week. As much as I am scared of this job change, I have to do this. Mike really pushed me this weekend. He understood why I am so scared of this, but that I have to make the jump. As much as I want to say ''But, I feel safe at the dental office", I went back to school because I didn't want to be a receptionist for the rest of my life. If I take a job, and it doesn't work out, well then we will just have to cross that bridge when we get there. Either way, I don't feel comfortable trying to have kids or buying a house until I'm more settled in a nursing position, so I gotta get things going one way or another.
Anyway..................that is the source of my anxiety this morning, lol.
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