The other morning, the first time I did when I woke up was do a search for my name on the IL website for professional regulation, A.K.A., stalking central for nurses, doctors, dentists, etc. You can find out if your dentist or nurse has ever been disciplined or if they haven't paid their students loans, etc. Creepy, yes, to have your personal troubles out in the open like that, but as a professional who is having the trust of the public placed with them, its necessary. ANYWAY, my name is officially listed on this site with my license number. I have a license to medicate and stab people with needles! lol
It made me feel really good that I'm finally officially a nurse, and that I'm recognized by the state as such. Now I just need to find that first job as a nurse to really FEEL like a nurse. I'm still scared of the job search thing. I'm good at my job at the dental office, its paying the bills, and its been my work home for the last 5 years. I feel safe here, even with the drama that comes along with it. My boss has always had my back, and has truly been so amazingly supportive of me going to school, and working with me and my schedule. However, it still doesn't supply the challenge and rewarding feeling I get with nursing, and quite frankly, its time to enjoy the bigger paychecks that I've worked so hard for the last 3 years.
I'm just nervous to jump into a new job where I will feel anything but safe. I will feel stupid, like I know nothing, I know I will make mistakes, and its terrifying to have all the responsibility for someone's care in my hands. So, I'm sure there are people who would say I'm stupid, but I'm in no super rush to find a new job. I don't have this sense of urgency that I will die if I don't find a new job ASAP. However, now that my schedule is less insane (although its still 6 days a week for the time being), I will have more time and more energy to try to tackle the job search.
Speaking of 6 days a week, I'm growing very tired of working the two jobs. I kept on at the hospital because I thought it would turn into a nursing position. However, the financial situation of the hospital made that not a reality, and I am losing the desire to stay on anymore. I wanted to secure full time hours at the dental office in preparation for leaving the hospital, so that means 5 days there each week, and 2 days every 2 weeks at the hospital because that is my minimum commitment. If I leave the hospital, I will finally get every other Saturday off since I was able to start alternating them at the dental office after 5 years of working EVERY Saturday.
On the other hand, it is nice to have the extra money even though I'm working a lot. *shrug*
So, in conclusion, I am completely indecisive about pretty much all the changes going on in my life right now, lol.
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