So.
I took my boards today.
I had about 20 days to study, and I put in an effort to study for about 4 days. I did not study ever disease process, or every medication there is, or obsess over my notes from the last two years. I did about 800 practice questions. I did a little bit of reviewing here and there. But that was the extent of my prep. I wanted to reschedule soooo bad. I just couldn't shake this feeling that I was screwing myself over by not studying more. I should have been takng this more seriously. $400 is no laughing matter, and having to pay even half of that again if I had to retake the exam was making me cringe. But, I didn't reschedule. I had some reassurance from a friend that my scores on my practice exams meant I was ready.
I had dreams that I had already taken it and had forgotten. Then I had a dream that I didn't print my Authorization to Test, and missed my test time because I was trying to find a printer that worked. I took a few days off of work so I could study and then relax prior to the big test time. My husband and I went to breakfast this morning so I had some brain food. I got really anxious as I was preparing to leave. Again, some reassurance from Mike and my friend S. helped calm my nerves, plus some help from my friend Mr. Xanax.
It wasn't quite what I was expecting when I got there. I thought there would be a bunch of us waiting, and that we would start the test all at the same time. But no, you get a number, some some rules, get your fingerprints and palms scanned and then they take you in.
The test itself wasn't completely awful. I had a ton of Select All That Apply. But I felt the same way as I did when I took my HESI, I may have had no clue at all about what medication or condition they were questioning me on, but I did my best and otherwise just simply guessed if I had to. I got cut off at 75 questions, and I was relieved that it was over. One of my friends from school got there right after me, and we were talking before, and I was just resolved that if I fail, I fail. So, I wasn't freaking out that I failed, I just wanted the pain of having this hanging over my head to be over. So as soon as I got to my car, I tried to reschedule another test date. I was freaking out because it was asking me all the same questions as I it did when I first registered, and the next screen was going to ask me for my credit card info. But then I got a sweet little pop up telling me I couldn't schedule another test date at this time.
I have to find a single post online or talk to a single person who got this pop up and failed. So, of course, I have barred hubby from saying anything on Facebook, and I'm not openly advertising my pop up, but I have shared with some key people in my life. I will get the unofficial quick results on Friday, and after that I will officially feel relieved and feel comfortable talking about it. But otherwise, I cried the whole way home, and cried in my hubby's arms as I processed this information. This has been 3 years of my life, from my CNA class, pre-requisites, nursing classes, clinicals. 3 years of doing nothing but studying, and being under constant stress and pressure. 3 years of this, and this one super expensive test determines whether I can put any of it to use or not, and I have seemingly passed it. It took me about an hour to get out of sob mode. There just aren't any words that can fully describe this feeling.
So, now I can focus on life again. Hubby's birthday is this weekend, we move into our new place in less than 2 weeks now. I can read a book that doesn't involve bowel patterns and electrolytes. I will resume my job search after we move and get settled in. But I feel more confident now in looking for jobs because my license will be on its way soon!
Life certainly is never perfect, but it feels pretty good at this moment.
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