I just want to pass Peds

Alright, so the lil babies are adorable, even the ones hooked up to machines to through trach to make sure they keep breathing. They are fun to play with, and make stupid sounds and faces to make them smile. But I am not a Peds nurse.

My clinicals have not been what I thought they would. I feel more criticized for stupid things (like not writing bowel sounds active in 4 quadrants, compared to the widely accepted bowel sounds x 4, or BS x4), rather than feeling guided and challenged. This week was also an absolute nightmare for me in clinical due to a mistake that I wish never, ever happened. And then I fail another test in Peds lecture.

I dont know what my problem is exactly, but I am for some reason acting in a self-sabotaging manner in regards to Peds. I just can't get my shit in order. Again, yes the kids are adorable, but this is just not where I see myself. I can handle adults, even the mean, grumpy ones who insist on pushing their calls lights every 5 minutes despite the fact that they are in isolation and you have to get gowned up before you can even see what they need, and then all they needed was to know what channel the relaxing music is on.

I just want to pass this class. I have the cumulative final next Wed morning, I need to get 60/75 to be in the clear, otherwise I will be absolutely devastated. Part of my frustration is that I have another exam I have to study for once I get 2 evals done tonight, that is on Friday. I work tomorrow and I worry it will be another cluster-fluff of a day, and will affect my ability to study effectively.

I just want to pass, I just want to pass, I just want to pass, I just want to pass, I just want to pass, I just want to pass, I just want to pass, I just want to pass, I just want to pass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!