I have been feeling like a raging bitch all week.
*sigh*
Ok, so now that little bit of ugliness is done, let me try to explain. I have 2 weeks of working full time left before school starts. Part of me figured that getting so close would make me care less about the stupid crap that sometimes happens in an office full of completely grown up (or at least should be) adults. Caring less would bring about less stress about said stupid crap.
It doesn't.
I am still bothered when something rude happens, I am still frustrated when there is confusion and not getting answers I need. I guess I will still experience those things from time to time since I'll still be working on Saturdays. So maybe it won't get to me so much because I'll be experiencing it less. I hope.
The best way I can really explain the raging-bitchiness going on inside my head right now is I'm in a weird transition period where nothing is really going on to keep my mind occupied. The little hamster up there likes exercise, and he likes a challenge, and nothing challenging is going on right now. I am transitioning a lot of my responsibilities over to my coworker who is taking over for me at work, and I don't want to start studying too early.
I guess I also feel upset about leaving work. No matter how much of a headache it can give me at times, this has been my family in a way. They have been there with me since getting engaged, getting married, supporting me while I went to school, listen to me vent about a countless number of things. I have enjoyed knowing a good amount of our patients by their names without them having to tell me. It has been challenging mentally at times, but I have loved being there. It upsets me that when I stop being there during the week, that few will really notice, and it won't really change anything. I fear some will be really happy about it, too.
I'm not perfect, and I'm not always the easiest person to get along with sometimes, I know. I am just horribly aware of everything that goes on around me, and don't have the better sense to let things slide. My instincts are pretty spot-on, and I have been stung too many times by trying to ignore them, so I just refuse to do it anymore, and this means I am not an easy person to convince. Thus get along with, especially with people who are as stubborn as I am. I always try to do the right thing, and sometimes my idea of what is right doesn't mesh with other people's ideas of what is right. And if I feel I have been wronged, or someone is being rude, I don't like letting it slide because I just believe it does nothing but encourage that person to keep acting that way. Of course people who act that way often don't see how their own behavior can be offensive, and thus complain that I'M the one being a bitch for no reason. I am always AWARE of my bitchiness, and usually have a reason for it.
However, maybe since I'm getting a change of my full time scenery, these things will go by the way side, and I will get a long better with some of these people. I also feel that by going to school, my intelligence is validated, and I won't feel so vulnerable as the "dumb receptionist". Not that being a receptionist or anything of the like means you are stupid, but people often assume you are because of it. It's actually quite challenging, and most people would rather hide in a cave then deal with a line of people staring at them and five lines ringing at the same time. I just feel like my brain is on auto-drive at work sometimes, and I need more, and I know I am capable of more.
Gosh, getting off topic here!!
I feel sad about not having the same interaction with people at work as much, and I feel sad that some people may be happy I am leaving, or don't even care. I know I will create new connections with my classmates to take place of the ones I will be losing at work, but its just hard for me.
Also, I think I am feeling stressed about starting school, and not being sure how I will manage everything just yet. It makes me so uneasy to not know how to plan. Ask my husband, unclear plans for a night out is enough to make me a raging bitch. So imagine having unclear plans for the next four months. Do the math, its not pretty. A lot of things are contributing to my bitchiness right now. (And I am sorry for my frequent use of bitch, but there is NO other term that will correctly describe my state this week.)
However, my story does come to a better ending. Yesterday, I had the whole day to myself. I woke up, and got out of the house. I got my yummy White Chocolate Mocha (Thank you Starbucks), and got my favorite blueberry bagel and cream cheese from Einstein Brothers (Which is the best bagel place I have found since my days in the bagel bakery of Brueggers--which is WAY better than Einstein's), and went to my favorite nail place and got a mani/pedi. Seriously, the second my feet hit that warm spa tub with the extra-jetty water jets, I just felt my stress melt away. And the massage-chair was just the right amount of massage-y. And Martha Stewart was on the TV making yummy things. It was just what I needed.
After I was done at the nail salon, I went to Borders for some books. I am currently reading Jen Lancaster's books,and I seriously heart the woman. I just finished Such a Pretty Fat, and Bitter is the New Black. She makes me laugh so much, and there is a lot of things she says/does that I have done or could see myself doing. So, I picked up the last two of her books I haven't read yet, Bright Lights..Big Ass, and Pretty in Plaid. I also went to Panera to get my favorite turkey sandwich, the Sierra Turkey.
I get home, house is empty...which is rare. I open my book, then open my sandwich only to find a pig has put on a turkey costume and decided to hide in my sandwich. Sierra Ham....not so good. However, I got almost halfway through Bright Lights, Big Ass in just the afternoon. Mike comes home, and we go out to dinner at TGI Fridays. It was yummmy. Then we walked around Streets of Woodfield for a little bit, and I found a really cute purse that *gasp!!* wasn't Coach! It was actually a Jessica Simpson bag, and I can't wait to carry it. We then met up with Mike's brother Jon and his girlfriend Bethany (she's so nice, I have threatened my brother-in-law that he will lose his annual Santa Cookie basket if he messes it up with her!) to see Dinner for Schmucks. And proceeded to laugh my ass off! Seriously.....its gone! Oh wait, it was never there...hehe. It was really really funny, and it was a perfect way to end my day.
Today, I spent my hubby, we went out for breakfast and went on our weekly grocery date at Target. And checked out a cutesy antique store....My husband is lucky we don't have the space for anymore furniture, because there was SO much I would have gotten. Then I napped the night away. I still have 3 more days off of work, which is really nice. I am really happy I was able to take the time off, so I can get some real relaxation in before school starts, and get in as much time with Mike as I can.
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