Time for a Break

I work another double tomorrow.  Then I have my last day at the dental office on Saturday.  And I don't have to be back at work until Wednesday.  I finally managed to get someone to take just one of my shifts from me, and luckily they picked one that resulted in a 4 day break for me.  I'm so beyond excited.  This is the first time I've had more than 2 days off together since Christmas time.  I am so relieved to know I'm getting a real chance to recuperate from this madhouse schedule of mine.  I'm sad that they haven't found another nurse yet, because it means we all have to keep pitching in to cover the open shifts.  Seeing how difficult it has been to get someone to help me out, I am not going to be so quick to say yes anymore.  I was so worried that I'd be viewed as unwilling to help by saying no, that I have rarely said no when someone asked me to work for them.  Now I know to be more selective, lesson learned.  Moving on.

In the midst of this week, we lost a resident unexpectedly.  I am pretty upset about it, but it has been easy to keep myself busy to distract me from it.  I know this comes with the territory of the work that I do, and its part of life.  Ultimately, everyone will pass away.  Of course, the setting of my work means I see the same residents on a daily basis for an indefinite period of time.  This allows a certain level of bonding that isn't always possible in the hospital setting.  You learn about their families, their life, their likes, dislikes.....you can tell when something isn't right with them before any measurable symptoms start appearing.  So, when they pass away, its a weird place to be, you aren't their family, but its a loss that hurts nonetheless.  Not being able to fully disclose everything I know when the other residents start asking what happened.  Its also is worse when it happens unexpectedly.  I would have given them a hug had I known it was the last time I would be seeing them, and told how wonderful it was getting to know them and care for them.  But I never got to do that, and it eats me up a bit when I allow myself to think about it.  One of the few upsides to how busy I have been lately, is I don't have much time to do that.

I guess there is no good way to explain how my heart hurts over this, and that this is just one part to the life of being a nurse.  And part of me hopes I never get good at letting it not bother me.