I caved. I am working tomorrow night unless someone decides to see the light, and stop being selfish assholes. So, 6 days in a row, 55+ hours in one work week. I have lost track of how many hours I've actually worked in the last couple of weeks. I barely know what day it is. I'm basically only working and sleeping at this point. I know this is temporary, but it doesn't make it any easier to handle. Like I said in my last update, I broke down bawling like a baby in the nurses' office after my coworker left. I was a step away from crying all night, or I was severely deficient in my patience. This is extremely uncommon for me, usually I am able to set aside my troubles when I start working. I don't think about any of my personal stress when I make my rounds. I put them aside and put on a happy face for my residents because they don't need to know I'm having a rough time. The last thing I would want is for them to feel like they are a burden to me, so I try to do everything I can to make them see only happy me, not sad, stressed, exhausted, near tears me.
I can't even plan anything right now for my days off because who knows what is going to happen. And I don't even know what my days off are going to be for the next month. I hate not being able to plan my life. I hate that I can barely do anything for myself other than sleep right now. Weight Watchers and exercise?? Pssshh, what's that?!?! A social life?? Yeah, right! Being able to put my head on the pillow and NOT think about work?? Not happening.
I have to work on Thanksgiving, so I asked Mike to make us reservations for Wildfire for lunch time that day so I can still have a hot (non-microwaved) Thanksgiving meal. His parents usually don't start having people over until 3, and that's the time I have to be at work, and I feel incredibly selfish asking them to move dinner time up to lunch time just for me. So, Mike mentioned it to them, but I may just have him tell them to disregard it. We'll just have a nice meal out, and then I'll go to work, and that will be the end of it. It sucks to know I'm missing my first Thanksgiving after 8 years of spending it with his family. I really feel incredibly sad about it. But I guess I'll just have to add that to the list.
I will hopefully still get my weekend off coming up. I was really worried I would be forced to work, but my boss assured me she would still give it to me. I guess we will see what happens. It will be really nice to have a weekend off, and be able to spend it with Mike, and not sleep the entire time. I just have to try to put all the stress and drama at work behind me. It's really not having a good effect on me right now, and I need to find some inner peace about it all, because otherwise, I may very well lose it. I have not been this stressed and exhausted and emotionally wrecked since nursing school. But at least my anxiety seems to be under control, its just everything else that is a mess right now.
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