I'm off of work today thankfully. I could barely talk last night towards the end of my shift. At least things went pretty smoothly. I still don't know how I did this. I still feel exhausted even after sleeping in today until nearly 10 a.m., but I'm determined to make something of my day besides being a lazy slug on the couch.
My boss finally posted the November schedule, and it really cheered me up the other night when I got the exclusive first peek before my coworkers got to see it. My set schedule is gone, as is everyone else's, but I'm scheduled for a normal amount of hours, and my days are reasonably spread out. So, I'm happy that I won't be working an insane schedule like I have been. Most of us are ok with the set schedules being thrown out temporarily, but of course a couple are throwing a fit. I don't even care at this point. Hopefully, they suck it up because if they decide to quit like they have been threatening, it would really suck. Otherwise, I'm really happy that I feel like I'm getting my life back.
I have to work a double tomorrow, but then I have my precious weekend off....the first one in over a month. I'm so excited, I can't even decide what I want to do with it. We were supposed to have the Hot Chocolate 5k on Sunday, but I've unfortunately been working too much to properly prepare. I e-mailed them to see if its possible to switch to the walk instead, but we will see. I really hate the idea of missing it when we have already paid for it. We will see. I think I want to try to make it somehow.
Today, I really hope I can get over it and just schedule my damn hair appointment already. This is why I go so long between appointments, because I either don't have time or I'm too nervous to do it. I definitely need a pampering day, and right now, a massage sounds amazing with how bad my back is hurting me right now. Hair cut, color, facial, pedicure, maybe a massage. That sounds like a pretty amazing day to me. Once I have worked up the courage to actually schedule it all.
I'm slowly starting to feel human again. I finally updated my planner and the calendar for Mike. I finally decluttered and cleaned my caddy I carry with me at work....it was a jumbled mess. Now, I need to sort through all the mail I've piled up, and clean out my purse, and get the checkbook in order again. Right now, I've just been paying bills as they pop up in my banking account, rather than the set schedule I made up. We have more than enough money in the account to cover everything, so I haven't been balancing. Which I hate. I hate it so much, but I'm not going to go back and balance the last month's worth. I'm just gonna start from today and be more on top of it going forward.
I also finally got around to buying malpractice insurance. With the last 2 nurses getting fired for things that could have happened to any of us, it really made me regret not buying it sooner. You just think, what could possibly happen? Well, now that I have an idea, I really couldn't justify not buying it anymore. So, hopefully I never have to use it, and I feel like I will have some protection in the event something does go wrong at some point. Best $100 I ever spent.
I have also surprised myself this past week or so. My gut is my lifeline. There have been things that have happened, and my brain would have told me to disregard it as usual symptoms for a resident. My gut however told me to investigate, and I may have very well saved the life of one of my residents. I also knew when to up the comfort meds for a resident with just a feeling that something more was starting to happen, and she passed away a few hours later. I actually think I wouldn't make such a horrible hospice nurse. I have found I do a pretty good job of managing the resident's symptoms that have been on hospice. It is definitely easier in the end to figure out what is needed. In the early stages, it is really hard to tell (for me anyway) if someone is just agitated or in pain. But closer to the end, I have found I just know what to do without much thought. I never thought I'd be playing the role of hospice nurse as much as I have in this job, but its not as awful as I thought. I've been able to keep it together for my resident's family, and support them as much as the resident through this time.
I really have surprised myself lately with how much of a nurse I feel like. I still have so much to learn, but I definitely can see my confidence growing. It feels good to not second guess myself as much as I used to. This feels really good. And while I may be exhausted from the amount of hours I've been putting in, I don't regret it because I know my residents are being taken care of. I love them all. On my usual shift, I have 45+ grandparents now that I get to take care of, joke with, learn about their past, and feel like they are my family now. I get hugs on a daily basis at work. It really makes it easy to forget all the coworker drama/stress. I love it.
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