I Made a Mistake

So here it is.  That moment where I realize I made a mistake as a nurse, and must face the music and own up to it.  I had the first shift on my own in our memory care unit the other day.  I was pretty disoriented by how most of the residents were in the common area instead of their rooms like how it is in the area I normally work.  I did an ok job of remembering who everyone was from my orientation last week, and only had to ask about who one resident was.  I was slow because I don't know the medications/schedule for these residents yet, so I took a while trying to figure it out.  I thought I was good to just sign my books later because I felt like I was being careful about what pills I was pulling to administer.  The shift could have gone smoother, but I felt like I did a decent job overall given that it was my first time working it alone.

So, I knew I rushed out towards the end and figured I'd go over the MARs really good later to make sure I signed everything.  I didn't get to to do it the same day, I did it last night, and realized I missed a couple of medications.  They were narcotics, which our supply of those medications are closely monitored, and others would surely notice that I didn't sign them out.  I did not want to lie and say they were refused, because that just didn't make sense and would look suspicious no matter what.  After asking a coworker what to do, I decided to just tell my boss and face whatever consequences may come.  You never know when someone is going to decide to point out your mistake, and trying to cover it up just makes it look worse.  So, I did what she told me to do, and felt better about owning up to my mistake.  I may get written up for the medication error, but there was no harm to the residents as a result, so I'm ok with it.

I also took the high road and didn't point fingers at other nurses who had done the same thing this week.  I figured trying to point out that I wasn't alone in making this type of mistake would just make me look like I was trying to direct the attention away from myself to others, and I'll let the others handle their mistakes on their own, and let them deal with getting sleep at night over their integrity and honesty.  I missed 2, someone else missed far more this week, and several others made the same mistake with different residents.  It happens, we're human, not robots.  But for my own sake, I didn't want the anxiety hanging over me wondering when/if someone would point out my error, and my boss getting upset with me for not catching it and telling her myself, or worse realizing (if I had tried) I tried to cover it up.  I do not want to be branded a liar.  I want my boss to be able to trust me and what I say. So, telling my boss wasn't the easy way out (i.e. wasting the drug by myself and writing it as given in the Narc book and praying no one says anything to my boss about them seeing the discrepancy in the mean time), it was hard, I was crying a bit when I told her I understood if she had to write me up, shaking when I said I deserved it.  But after I hung up the phone, I took a deep breathe and moved on.  I did the right thing, I took control of the situation once I realized my mistake, and no one will be able to hold it over my head or expect that I owe them something for their silence.  And I have learned a lesson here, to always check and double check, and triple check.  Especially when dealing with new residents I am unfamiliar with.  I will only get better, and these mistakes will not happen again.

So, I survived my two days in a row of working early morning to late night.  I have today off to recoup a bit, then I'll move into 3 days of working in a row.  A double on Monday, 3-11 Tuesday, then another double on Wednesday.  Luckily, I have Thursday off and can recover some more.  Then things slow down a little bit.  I'm still working a couple of extra shifts over what will be my new schedule now this month, but then it will go back to normal.  It's nice to make some overtime, sure, but it is a whole different situation to jump into overtime when you don't need it.  When I was poor when I first moved up here, I would gladly take any hours I could get.  Now, I'm just not desperate for the extra money, so it is a lot harder to work all those extra hours.  Right now, its just a matter of my work needs me, and I'm doing my part to help out.  I will eventually not feel so tired and worn out.  I had a worse time in school, got less sleep than I am right now, and somehow survived.  My only worry is that I will get sick from working so much.  But life goes on.

So, today is just gonna be a relax day, and then we are having friends over to finally watch the series finale of Breaking Bad!! :)