I have dealt with far more stress than any one person needs so far in school, however personal/life stress does not go away just because you are a nursing student. I have been particularly sensitive lately to really stupid things. However, a major source of pain for me is my family situation. This isn't really nursing related, but I am putting this here because it has kept me from studying for the remainder of the evening, and has kept me up far past my acceptable bed time.
I am what I consider to be estranged from my mom and older sister. It is a long story, and I won't go into them here as to why this occurred. I just need to say that it is hurtful to feel that your family can't validate your feeling when you are upset, and don't take the time to try to resolve the problem. Instead, you are left feeling like you are the bad guy, and how dare you try to expect hurtful behavior to stop.
I am a few months shy of a year of not talking to my mom, and it hurts the most when I think about my younger siblings. I was able to talk to my younger brother today, and I missed talking to him so much but didn't have his cell phone number. I worry that they will think that I don't care about them, and that I don't want to see them.......but I can't think of many ways to visit until things with my mom are resolved, and I mean truly resolved. Not just swept under the rug for the sake of the holidays.
I also stress because if they are having financial problems, I feel guilty because I can not help them. I hate seeing them struggle all the time, and I can't stop myself from feeling anxious about it. Even when I was little, I dreamed of making enough money to buy my mom a house. I realize now that is unrealistic, but that urge to help my family is still there. So it hurts even worse when I am accused of being selfish.
So here I am, up past 1:00 because I am so upset, and I have so many thoughts running through my head. There is no way I will survive tomorrow!!
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