Sunday, April 6, 2014

I'm a Slacker!

I've been a bit preoccupied lately.  Between work, class, my body being a fucking weirdo, this blog just hasn't been a huge priority of mine.  Plus, I feel so much more confident as a nurse now, and don't want to share stuff that could be in trouble with the HIPAA police, I just feel less inclined to talk about my life as a nurse.  The only people who would find what I have to talk about interesting are other nurses, or my husband.  The majority of people don't want to hear about how the old man was digging out his own poop from his butt himself, rather than asking for a stool softener.  Or, how high school drama apparently survives even in the nursing home.  Yes, old people are catty bitches, too.  It will never end people, just get used to it.

Chemistry is almost fucking over, thank god!  I only have about a month of it left, and then I'm done!  It really hasn't been that bad, thanks to a teacher who dumbs it down for us quite a bit and explains the equations properly.  I still could really give 2 shins about it, and that affects my motivation to do the homework.  And yes, I have homework to do that I am avoiding now.

Otherwise, work is going well.  School is going well.  Trying to figure out my body? Not so well, but I'm in the safe hands of a specialist, and hope to have more answers soon.  That's all I want to say about that right now.

I have an amazing day off yesterday, up early for a doctor's appointment, but then I got a pedicure and did some shopping.  I was super amazingly productive!  We also had company over, and I learned how to make buttercream frosting from scratch that was amazing.  I made these Oreo Brownies that I found on pinterest, and they were everything I hoped they would be and then some.  Our visit with our company went well, I was worried it would get awkward.  It gives my heart some hope.  Again, that's all I want to say about it.

Right now, I'm just relaxing, and contemplating getting back to crocheting the blanket I started after a friend's baby shower.  I am just enjoying the day of doing nothing.  I'm on a medication right now that is making me dizzy in the morning, and extremely tired.  Like sleeping pill tired.  It's really weird.  So, I need this day of just doing nothing right now!

Saturday, February 1, 2014

No longer a New Grad

I had my yearly review this week.  I really can't believe a year has passed since I was hired for my first nursing position.  I was so insanely terrified of how this new chapter in my life would go.  I had read so many stories on nursing message boards about first time nurses getting fired while on orientation, for seemingly no reason at all.  Or because they didn't get enough of an orientation, and then made a huge mistake.  Surviving through an entire year seemed like it was never going to happen.  I would get such awful anxiety before going in for my shifts, like HOURS of anxiety.....just because I was scared I'd walk into an awful night of being behind, or people needing to go out to the hospital.  Or of making a mistake.  Or of being scolded for a mistake I had no idea I made.

Flash forward to now, its completely different.  Yeah, I still worry about making mistakes, and honestly, I never want to lose that fear.  But it doesn't control my every waking moment like it used to.  I feel more comfortable in managing my shifts, calling doctors when I need to.  What orders to ask for when my residents start having certain symptoms.  I'm not always 100% sure of myself 100% of the time, but I'm not as terrified as I once was.  Which makes my life much better overall.

It has also been an extremely exhausting week.  I had made the mistake of thinking I could work Tuesday 3-11, then a double on Wednesday, on a regular basis.  I just can't.  And I also agreed to work Thursday 7-12 to help my boss out without thinking about the fact that I'd be working it right after the awful Tues/Wed combo, and then follow it with class and lab.  Luckily, a nurse put in her notice, so I was able to rearrange my schedule to undo the Tues/Wed double combo.  But holy heck was I tired!  8 hours of sleep in 48 hours is not a good thing.  Then I'm working 7 days in a row, and working OT.  Then I have my physical coming up, and I needed to get blood work done, and the only time I could go was after my 7-12 shift yesterday.  So I was on my feet working for 5 hours, with no coffee, no food, just water to sustain me.  I'm honestly surprised I made it through without snapping at anyone from hunger.  It really didn't help smelling the sausage and bacon they were serving the residents while I'm giving them their medications.  But, my blood work was all normal, so that makes me happy :)

In 2 weeks, I'm gonna be 30.  It's super weird in some ways, but honestly, I feel way older than 30 in a lot of ways.  I grew up pretty quickly, became independent far younger than most people have to.  My path in life has not been the easiest one, but I'm a survivor (cue Destiny's Child song lol).  My imperfect life has taught me a lot, and I am happy with the way my life has turned out.  10 years ago, I would have never thought I would be where I am today.  So, I am not afraid to be passing the 3 decades of life mark.  :)  Luckily, I was able to secure the 3 day weekend we had planned to spend together for my birthday since I have to work the 15-17th.  And no, I am not having a party.  The last time I had a party was when I turned 13 or 14.  That was the last year before everyone started coupling off, and planning dates for Valentine's Day.  I'm not a big party person at all, so I'm perfectly content in letting my hubby spoil me double time as he always done :)

Chemistry is going well so far. :)  I'm enjoying feeling like I'm learning something.  My nurse measuring skills come in very handy. :)   I'm also extremely good at getting the bunsen burner going. :)

Right now, I'm just relaxing while watching the snow fall down in big, fluffy clumps.  I'll be driving in it soon enough and cursing it, but right now its just pretty to see.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Successful So Far

I am pleased to announce that I haven't been to Wendy's at all this week.  Nor have I gone to Starbucks.  I have gone to Panera, and got a salad instead of a grilled cheese, tropical hibiscus iced tea instead of pepsi, and I DID NOT eat the bread that comes as a side.  I had enough points to enjoy half a cranberry orange muffin, but didn't eat the entire half because I realized fresh cranberries are not my thing, WAY too tart!  Diet A&W root beer has become my friend, never thought I'd see the day where I'm drinking diet soda and enjoying it.  I have refused the advances of the box of donuts in the nurses' office, and the box of pastries from Panera.  The food whoring has come to a stop.

I have not been able to get myself to the gym this week.  Blame it on cramps, stress from work, feeling sore in my back because of work, class, the fact that is is -20 with windchill right now.  It just hasn't worked out this week for me.  Which I sad about, I want to get back to running, which is so strange to WANT to work out.  But doing it makes me feel good, so, I'm thinking Saturday will be the day. :)

I found out last night another coworker put in her notice at work.  I'm pretty over this constant reworking of our schedule.  At least we just got 2 new girls hired and they are training now, so they should be ready (well, as ready as they can be) by the time the coworker's last day comes around to be on their own.  But it still leaves us with a gap to cover.  Who knows what will happen at this point, I had to request off the weekend before my birthday to be sure I still have it off because otherwise I could be forced to work.  I really hate giving up my weekends off.  Hopefully the schedule will be ready this week sometime, and I can figure out my life.  I only have 2 weekends off in February, one of them is when we planned to celebrate my birthday, my 30th at that.  I'm not giving up that weekend off.  The nature of our facility doesn't allow us to have a large nursing staff to absorb these changes in staffing, so it just sucks when we all have to give up our lives to keep it afloat.

Oh well!

I've not been the rockstar student this week, I feel behind in my classwork.  I'm writing this instead of looking over the lab material for today's lab.  Or showering to get ready in general to go to class.  That is how I plan on spending my Saturday morning, getting caught up on everything.  But the mornings after I work until 11, it is so hard to get moving, because I really enjoy sipping my coffee and just relaxing.  It is how I like to recharge. But I unfortunately do need to get my butt in motion.  Boo!!


Saturday, January 18, 2014

Oh, Weight Watchers....

Please forgive me, but I've been having the naughtiest affair, and neglecting you.  With Fontina Grilled Cheese from Panera, Broccoli cheddar soup from Panera, the Sierra Turkey Sandwich from Panera, paninis from Panera and Corner Bakery, the mac n cheese from Corner Bakery, White Mochas from Starbucks, Mac n cheese from Noodles, Wendy's #1 combo, Pizza on nights we didn't feel like cooking, and loads of holiday goodies and chocolates and cookies, and I'm just ashamed at how long this list is.  Please forgive me, Weight Watchers, I've been kind of a food whore lately.

It started with the craziness that happened at work when we lost a few of our nursing staff, then the holidays hit, then we got sick.  It is totally full of excuses.  The last 3 months has been a load of excuse after excuse.  It is hard to keep going when you have a ton of stress and constant business.  It's really hard to resist the urge to stuff a bunch of chocolate in your mouth really quick when you feel like you are about to die towards the end of your 7am to 11 pm day, and all of your residents are getting sick, or tons of orders are coming in, or their BS coworker drama infiltrating your happiness.  Someone is ALWAYS bringing us something.  Home health or hospice agencies who want us to keep giving them our referrals.  Sometimes it is a god send when you weren't able to take your lunch, sometimes its just an evil temptation that is burning the back of your head when you try to turn the other way to do your charting.

But I stepped on the scale today, and I definitely gained more weight back than I had anticipated.  So, I'm back on the bandwagon.  I did switch from going into meetings to be weighed to just doing it online.  My schedule is so weird sometimes, that I don't want to have that excuse for being bad ("Oh, I can't go to my set weigh in meeting, so I guess I can be bad today and just make it up before the next meeting!")  I can always change back if I find it isn't working for me.  But I bought a WW scale, so I feel more confident in its figures than our Wii Fit.

My work pants have also been snug, and it drives me nuts.  Another reason to get back on the band wagon.  I actually ordered some new work pants from Gap that are the same size as the ones I have now, but given my history with Gap clothes, they probably won't fit just yet.  Which is what I intended.  I want something short term to motivate me.  And cute work pants would be just the ticket.

In other news, I successfully managed to not drop my chemistry class before it even started this time!  I even made it to both lectures and the lab session this week.  I actually could tell I was learning stuff already!  I don't think it will be as bad as I fear it will be.  It is realllllllly weird going to Harper and not taking a nursing program course.  But good news, I was not late to class this week!  Progress, people....I'm making it.

I'm also realllllllly, reallllly, ridiculously excited about going to this painting class with some friends tomorrow before before work.  You can bring your own booze to make mimosas (or just drink OJ), and they walk you through a painting.  I've been dying to go to one since I learned about these places that do this.  So that is going to be fun :)

Today, I am working.  Yet, I'm looking out the window and seeing all this beautiful fluffy snow falling outside, and I just want to stay under my blanket and sip my coffee, and not move from my cozy lil spot all day, but I'll be an adult and go to work. :)


Thursday, January 9, 2014

Sick

We're a couple of sick mofos over here.  Da hubs got sick on Sunday, and I was nursing him while I was at work, asking about his symptoms, his fever, telling him what to take and when.  His fever wasn't really responding to Tylenol, so I had him take ibuprofen, which was effective in bringing his temp down finally.  I still made him go to the doctor on Monday, because he was coughing horribly, and his temp just kept coming back.  I'd like to point out I didn't just brush off his symptoms and tell him to suck it up. :)  Of course, Tuesday night, I started having the same symptoms Tuesday night.  And sure enough Wednesday morning it was full blown.  I had to call out of work, and I felt incredibly guilty doing so.  I knew it meant someone else would have to give up a day off or work a double, and I hate doing that to someone.  Normally, I just suck it up the best that I can, but this was not possible this time.   Especially with a fever, I'd feel terrible if my residents came down with this.  I just sleep and take mucinex and hope for the best, they would require chest x-rays and tylenol and cough syrup and possibly antibiotics.  Plus, with my voice practically non-existent, half of them wouldn't even be able to hear me.  Luckily, I have today off, and I hope I can rest up enough to be ok for tomorrow.  I don't have much choice, since I'm working a double. :(

I am also ready for my Chemistry class.  I bought the book for my iPad, which I can't return due to the format, so this class is happening whether I like it or not.  I keep trying to remind myself it is only 5 months of my life, 2 days a week.  I can handle it.  But I just hate chemistry soooooooooooo much.  After this, I can start applying to BSN programs, and do everything online, on my own time.  It won't be such a pain on my schedule.  

Otherwise, it has been too much work and sickness around here for too much excitement to have occurred.  Just trying to baby my voice so I don't lose it completely.  So, that's all for now.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Nice to See You, 2014!!

I finally have a day off today, and I need it sooooo much!  The last several days have been pretty busy. I haven't had a day to relax and do nothing for.....crap, I don't even remember now.  I have worked a lot of doubles this week, and they take such a toll on me.  My coworkers may have been mad at me for a little bit for not working for them (they got over it once they realized how much I was working, AND I had gotten the nasty little stomach bug, too, and I still came to work after taking some Pepto and was fine), but I am glad I said no, because I would be dead right now.

Last night was just a day from hell.  Sick residents, I'm trying to nurse them back to health, all while I'm on the phone with the pharmacy for their huge errors at least 6 or 7 times.  How hard is it to get the correct form of Potassium.  Cl = Chloride, ER = Extended Release.  KCl 20 meQ only works for this resident if it is ER, so when you send me the form that isn't ER, we have a problem.  And then when you send me K Citrate ER, again, we have another problem.  When the correct dose that finally got entered into your system correctly at 6:30 gets to me in 2 hours, yet the antibiotic I ordered at 12:00 is still not here when I leave at 11:00pm, I'm full out enraged.  I was so angry with the pharmacy that I gave myself a headache.  I wish the people taking the phone calls from us understood the importance of them doing what they are supposed to do, within the time frame they are supposed to do it in.  But they don't, and my residents suffer as a result.

But, the days where I have sick residents, and they aren't as sick by the time I leave because of my direct actions, it makes me feel like a real nurse.  Even though I sometimes get chewed out by irate family members for things that aren't my fault (don't shoot the messenger, folks), I still love what I do.  The benefits of seeing that you have nursed someone back to health, eased their suffering, and gave them comfort......its worth all the stress and politics that come with my job.  I still feel embarrassed for some reason when my care managers tell me that my residents tell them I am their favorite nurse.  I don't do this because of the praise or pay, I really do love taking care of my residents.

So anyway, 2013 was a great year, and I actually kept a lot of my New Year's resolutions:

"So, moving forward with 2013, there are some things I need to achieve:

- Find a job as an RN so I can start to FEEL like an RN.   DID IT
- Lose weight (I have to stop starting and stopping and just DO it!) DID IT, THOUGH NOT AS MUCH AS I HOPED, BUT THIS IS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS
- Stop being late. DID IT (WELL, I HAVE BEEN HABITUALLY EARLY TO WORK FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'M STILL LATE TO OTHER THINGS)
- and prepare myself for trying to start a family. DELAYED"

I was doing well on the weight loss front until work got hectic, but I will keep marching on.  I got a lot of running/work out gear for Christmas, so I am really looking forward to getting to put it on and head over to the forest preserve once its not -100 degrees outside. :)

Our NYE was really nice.  I had to work 7-12 that day right after working a double the day before, so I was pretty exhausted.  I napped until an hour before Mom and Dad-in-law came over, and quickly straightened the house up, and showered up.  We had a great time, but I crapped out after 10, I knew I was gonna have to get up earlier than usual because of the snow, and I was still tired from the last couple of days.  Luckily, Mike woke me up right before midnight so I could say goodbye, and give my honey a midnight kiss. ;)  Catch Phrase is now officially my favorite party game, Apple to Apples not so much.  I will need to be drunk, very drunk for that game to be much fun, IMO.

My New Year's resolutions for 2014 are:

1.  Continue losing weight
2.  Run a 5k straight without walking
3.  Get this freaking Chemistry class over with, and not drop it before the class even starts this time!!
4.  Stop getting Wendy's after my shifts, no matter how much I am starving....the workers know my face far too well.

It is my weekend to work this week, and I have my annual Chrismukkah with my friends.  I'm just happy to not be doing any doubles this week!! :)  But today?  This girl is gonna be lazy as fudge. :)

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Leave Me Alone!!

Any free time that I have this week, someone has tried to steal it away from me.  Some people just need to suck it up and work their shifts as scheduled.  I remember very well when I was about to drop dead from exhaustion, no one was willing to help me out.  And guess what? I sucked it up and worked my shifts.  It may not have been a pleasant experience, but I got through it.  This is the first weekend off where I had both days off completely in what feels like forever.  And as strange as it may seem, I have plans made for this rare and unusual occasion.  Especially given that my next weekend off after this was taken away from me with not so much as an offer to work a shift for me in exchange.  I'm so incredibly frustrated.  I have a life, I have a husband who would like to see me and spend time with me every once in a while.  I need rest, I need time where I don't have to put aside my need to go to the bathroom for an entire shift because my residents need me.  I need sleep.  I'm sorry that you got the virus going around at work and have to work 8 hours, but I can't always put everyone else's needs before my own.

I just wish I had the ability to stop the guilt I feel for standing my ground, and not sacrificing myself and my life for the sake of work every single freaking time someone asks me to.  It's not my job to fix this problem.

*sigh*

Ok, now that I have gotten that out of my system.

Our Christmas was lovely, as usual.  Lots of good food, lots of big laughs, lots of good presents.  We even got to Face time with my family this year while opening presents Christmas Day, which was awesome.  Everyone must have been good this year. :)  My favorite gift was a retro Nurse Barbie Mike got me.  I've had my eye on it since I graduated, and finally got my hands on one of them! :)  Mike's parents also gave me a little stuffed Nurse Bear, which I adore.

I finally figured out how to get my ticket paid, and now am registered for online traffic school.  It is sooo incredibly dull, but whatever.  Less scary than having to go to traffic court, so I can suck it up.

I need to sit down and figure out my New Year's resolutions.  Unfortunately, I am working a ton the next few days, so probably won't get to it until next week sometime!! :)  I think I've done a good job o my resolutions this year, so it won't be too hard.

:)